


Write Myself to You

by Jessiesarahjane



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2018-05-07 09:23:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 80,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5451620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessiesarahjane/pseuds/Jessiesarahjane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bella is off at her first year of college but keeps in touch with her "family" back in La Push via emails and texts. She and Embry grow closer through their frequent emails. Bella/Embry, Jake/OC, Leah/OC, All other pairings Canon</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and bits of the world aren't mine. Thanks to SM for the loan!

Chapter 1

 

_Dear Embry,_

_It was so great to “hear” from you! It’s totally fine for you to email me here at school whenever you want! I miss you guys all so much. Don’t get me wrong, college is great, but at the end of a long day it would be nice to kick back in J’s garage with my favorite guys._

_But enough about me. OF COURSE I will answer any questions you have about college life! Though the school forcing you guys to take a class called “Life Skills” seems a little insulting. Unless it includes “How to Shapeshift into Beasts that Kill Monsters for Dummies” as part of the curriculum. No? Ridiculous! I mean, there are only 80 kids at your school, right? And 8 of you could really use that. (Ten if you count the 2 who already graduated!) That is 10% (or more) of the school population! I think you should petition the school board and make it so! Ooo! That could be your project for your Civics/Gov class!_

_Can you tell I’m exhausted? As I’m sure you remember, I get a little punchy when I’m tired. I should go to bed before I get sillier than I already am. Tell Jacob and Quil I expect them to email me, too! (Who am I kidding? Like they would actually write if they weren’t being forced to for school. Tell them to call me at least!)_

_Take care,_

_Bella_

 

\----------------------

 

I am so homesick. Embry doesn’t realize what a lifeline he’s just thrown me. The pack has been good with a few texts, and Jake called me my first night here, but they’re all so busy with their own lives, I don’t want to be all clingy. Besides, I’m supposed to be HERE now. I get to be in college, which is something that so many of them won’t get to enjoy. It’s selfish to not appreciate what I have right here and right now.

Before I can talk myself out of it, I’m calling Charlie.

“Bella?”

 “Hi, Daddy.” Wait. Did I just call him “Daddy”? Am I three? I must be more homesick than I realized.

 I can tell he softens at the name though, because his voice changes, “Hey, baby girl. How are you holding up?”

 “I’m doing great!” I answer with fake cheerfulness.

 My father the cop can smell the bs from 2 states away. “Let’s try that again, Bella.”

 I deflate a little, “I’m just a little homesick, Dad. I’m sure I’ll be okay soon, but it’s hard to go from having family and friends all around to suddenly being in a sea of people who I have no connection to.”

 “But we Swans are so outgoing,” Charlie jokes.

 I chuckle. “Yeah. I’m a regular Homecoming Queen.”

 “Just remember that all the other Freshman are in the same boat as you are, Bells. Look around for the other people who feel just as scared and lonely as you do. You love to take care of people and won’t be able to resist. Before you know it, you’ll have a friend.”

 “You’re right, Daddy. I’m just have a bit of a pity party. I probably just need a good night’s sleep.”

 “Don’t forget to eat, too. I love you, Bells. I know you’ll be fine.”

 “Thanks, Daddy. Talking to you was what I needed. Love you.”

 As I end the call, I smile a little. Charlie and I had done a good job in the last year of getting to know one another better. It’s weird to start having a daddy/daughter relationship when you’re 17. And then spending a year lying to him about everything Cullen did not help our bond any. Once the pack stepped into the picture after Cullens left, though, I started to see how important family bonds were and decided I needed to do everything in my power to fix what Charlie and I had. I started by sitting him down one night and explaining as best I could without mentioning magic or monsters what my relationship with Edward had been like. It helped me to realize a few things, too. Edward loved me, but it wasn’t a healthy sort of love. And I put up with a lot of things that I wouldn’t have from anyone else because A)it felt so good to not have to be in charge all the time after all those years of taking care of my Mom and B) Being with Edward meant having a family, which was something else I’d never felt I had.

 It was a difficult conversation for both of us, but afterwards Charlie and I were better about being honest and being more open about our feelings and concerns for one another. Dad got better about telling me he loved me and giving me hugs, and I was honest about my life with him. Where I was going and who I was spending time with. The fact that I was on the reservation so much and he had eyes and ears all over it made him feel better, too, I think.

 I smile as I finish getting ready for bed. The last year had been a good one, for everyone in my life. I could do this college thing. I ran first with vampires and then with wolves. What were a few thousand college students compared to that?

 I adjust my dream catcher over my bed before I cuddle down into my favorite comforter. It’s no wolf, but my big, fluffy, feather comforter with the flannel cover is pretty darn fabulous.

 

* * *

 

 

_Dear Bella,_

_You’re right about those guys not wanting to sit and write unless being forced. So, instead they told me to tell you, “Hi, Honey!” and “Hey, you Foxy Momma”. I will let you figure out which one of them said what. I’m sure it’ll be really difficult for you. ;)_

_Okay, so for my class I need to ask you the following questions:_

  1. _How many college applications did you send out and how many schools accepted you?_

  2. _What criteria did you use to choose the school in which you are currently enrolled?_

  3. _Why did you choose college as opposed to working right after high school, or a trade school?_

  4. _What does a typical day in the life look like for a student enrolled at your school?_

  5. _Will you be incurring a lot of debt to acquire your degree? If so, how long do you anticipate it will take you to earn that money back if you are able to find a job in your chosen profession?_

  6. _Are you completely bored of these stupid questions yet and regretting ever agreeing to answer them in the first place? ;)_




_So, no pressure, but I kind of need answers asap. This portion of our project is due next week. I wish the class was more about Shapeshifting, then I’m sure I’d ace it without even trying! But what do I know about college? Nobody in my family has ever gone. The closest I knew before you were J’s sisters and looked how that worked out.  Before the whole fursplosion happened, I’d been thinking about it, but now? I don’t see how that’s supposed to work. This whole class seems like one more shining example of how irrelevant school is in my life now._

_Geesh. Sorry to be such a downer. Let me see if I can think of a funny story… Quil tried to ask out Emily’s sister who was down visiting from the Makah rez the other day. He was pretty sure he had that one in the bag, until her HUSBAND came up and put his arm around her. I don’t know how the heck he missed the big ring on her finger, but that’s our Q._

  _The library is about to close, so I have to end this._

_I hope you were able to get some sleep, even though I think punchy Bella is a fun Bella! Thanks again for the help!_

_Your favorite (2nd? 3rd? 4th? I’m at least somewhere in the top 10, right?) Quileute,_

_Embry_

 -------------

 I can’t believe I wrote that. Can you say desperate and needy, anyone? I might as well just confess my undying love while I’m at it.

 I could fill an entire book full of the things that I neither say nor type to her.

 But none of them matter. She was cool with Jake imprinting, but anyone could see that it threw her for a loop. She told Kim that she’d never feel safe dating a wolf ever again. Kim told Jared and it was common knowledge to the whole pack in less than 12 hours. Jake felt guilty for it, but admitted that it was probably for the best. What if they’d been really in love, or even married? He thought he could fight it, but explained that all of a sudden with the imprint, he could see all the ways Bella wasn’t actually that invested in their relationship. Like not only did he totally love Katie, but he could finally see all the times Bella had tried to explain her feelings as deep but not romantic the way he wanted them to be. It was like a mystic 2x4 to the head for him, but made it easier on everyone in the end.

 It could have gone so badly. Bella rolled with it, though, and welcomed Katie to the pack better than anyone, and with zero weirdness. She’s kind of amazing like that. It was there all along, but all the time spent with Jake after the bloodsucker left helped. Maybe being around me and Quil helped a little, too. I like to think it did. It’s not like Jacob was talking books or school or college with her. That was all me. She and I would talk over her applications together when she’d bring them to work on. Jake was usually nearby, and the one she still felt most comfortable touching, but she really seemed to open up to all of us.

 The first day she showed up at my house and brought cookies just for me you could have blown this wolf over with the wave of a feather. I didn’t even realize she knew where I lived.

 “Bella! What a surprise!”

 “I come bearing cookies as payment for helping me with my trig homework yesterday,” she said handing over a tin full of what I smelled to be her oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.

 I felt suddenly shy and couldn’t meet her eyes all the way as I mumbled about it being my pleasure and she didn’t need to trouble herself.

And then she touched me- just lightly squeezed my wrist in her hand-and looked right into my eyes and said, “No, Embry. You really helped me. Thank you so much. Truly. I’m trying to get better about seeing all the ways people around me help take care of each other. And letting them know that I see it. So, please accept my thanks,” she turned up one corner of her mouth in a shy smile, “And accept my cookies.”

 Jake would have hugged her. Quil would have fallen down on one knee and sworn something vaguely sexual if she always paid him in cookies. Me? I’m so smooth. (Not at all.) I stammered and blushed and finally chose sincerity as I looked back into her eyes. “You’re welcome, Bella. But I will happily help you with anything at any time.”

 And as she smiled a beautiful smile at me and squeezed my wrist again before letting her hand drop, my wolf cocked his head to gaze with interest at the little woman standing in front of us.

\---------------------

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

  
  


_Dear Embry,_

_You are absolutely in the top ten! In fact, don’t tell, but I’d definitely put you in at least the top 5. Not telling who the other 4 are, though… :)_

_I’ll send you an attached document with all your answers on it. Too boring to put in an email and you might just be able to print it out and turn it in as is! At least I hope for your sake you can. I included all the questions along with my answers, so your teacher need never know that you didn’t type the whole thing up yourself!_

_Thanks for the Q story. See? This is why I miss you guys. I’m so busy in class or studying for classes that I never get to see stuff like that. Plus I don’t really have a group of friends yet. I mean, I have friends...okay, acquaintances, really, but I haven’t even been here a month. It’s not that weird that I pretty much only hang out with my roommate and her friends, right?_

_And just like that, I confess that I am just as much of a loser here in sunny-ish northern CA as I was in not-so-sunny WA. I should try harder, I guess. But it’s hard to start over again. Last time I went to a new school and made new “friends” I befriended a whole family of vampires. Oh, and some guys who wouldn’t stop asking me out. Okay, Angela was fine, but really my friend choosing capabilities clearly deserve to be questioned. And before you get huffy, I didn’t choose to be friends with you guys. Jake forced me to be social and then you all chose me. And really, how could I resist you all?_

_I should try harder, though. Making friends is all part of the college experience, I’m told. Le sigh._

_Anyway, must go. I have a paper to write. (I ALWAYS have a paper to write! I could make it my voicemail message. “Hello, you’ve reached Bella’s phone. Leave a message, because she’s writing another damn paper.” Ugh.)_

_Please keep writing to me even though you don’t need my college girl insights anymore for your project. It makes me feel connected to home._

_Miss you (and the other 4 of my top 5),_

_Bella_

\-------------------------------------

 

I really do miss them. La Push feels more like home than any other place I’ve ever lived. I can’t tell either of my parents that, though, since I don’t want to hurt their feelings. Although, Dad might agree with me. He spends almost as much time in La Push as I do.

 

As I did.

 

The pack pulled me into their messy, wonderful family, and I was happier there with them than I’ve ever been anywhere else.

 

College is so weird. It sort of forces you to be selfish, which I suppose was my natural state of being for a while. When I first moved to Forks, it was so nice to not have to be the dependable person in a household, that I swung a little too far the other way. As much as I cared for the Cullens, I let them take over my life completely. It’s sort of like when you swim in the ocean all day. It’s great, but you don’t realize how exhausted you are until you drag yourself back on to the sand at the end of the day. That’s a little what life with Renee was like. It was my life, so I didn’t know any different, really. Coming to Forks and being enveloped by the Cullens was more like floating on a raft in a pool. It was easy. Too easy. But it was like I spent so much time on that raft, I forgot what a strong swimmer I was. Metaphorically, of course. I’m still trying to apologize to Charlie in as many ways as I can. I told so many lies and treated him so badly. Then using Jake the way I did. I would say it was unforgivable, except they’ve both forgiven me completely.

 

My name is Isabella Swan and I don’t deserve the incredible people in my life. So, I will just endeavor to be more worthy of them. As easy as it is to be selfish here at school, I still need to find ways to reach out to other people. These emails with Embry help. I need to start looking for some clubs that focus on volunteering and service. Kill two birds with one stone maybe?

 

Tomorrow. I will look tomorrow. After I finish another damn paper.

* * *

 

She misses me! Okay and the other guys, too. But she misses me! And she wants me to write more!

 

I will play this cool.

 

I will not think about this while phased.

 

I will be chill.

 

I have a big, stupid smile on my face in the middle of the library.

 

I am the opposite of chill.

 

\-----------------------

 

_Dear Bella,_

_Collin and Brady spent all of patrol yesterday whining about how they missed your cookies and brownies. You spoiled those pups, you know. They pout at every pack dinner when Emily tries to give them rice krispie treats for dessert. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of these days you end up with 2 teen wolves at your dorm begging you for baked goods. They may only be 14, but after listening to them the other day, I’m pretty sure they’re willing to run all the way to CA just to see you again._

_Please tell me you’re coming home for Thanksgiving! If they have to wait all the way until Christmas, they’re going to make Emily cry. You don’t want THAT on your conscience do you? Seriously, though, you ARE coming home for your stupid pale face holiday, right?? I know it goes against everything I’m supposed to be against, but please make Thanksgiving dinner! FEED ME! We can call it something else, so we don’t offend my ancestors or anything. Maybe, “Hooray Bella is Home to Cook for Us” Day or “Natives are the Best” Day or just Feast Day.  Anything, Bella. I will even decorate if you’ll make me a turkey with gravy and stuffing and ohhhh._

_I just got shushed by a librarian for moaning. I think she thought I was looking at something “inappropriate” on the computer. Ha! “No, Ma’am. Just thinking about the possibility of a feast!” And now she thinks I’m crazy. Oh, well. It’s no worse than what most people around here think of “Sam’s gang”._

_Bella, you don’t need to stress about making friends. It’ll happen. And even if it doesn’t. Study hard and call or write any of us whenever you need. And remember, in an emergency any one of us can get to you in a day. A LONG day of running, but still. We’re always willing to help out our favorite white girl. :) (Especially if she comes home in November and feeds us! Hint, hint, hint!)_

_Gotta go before I start moaning again and get kicked out!_

_Starving,_

_Embry_

 

* * *

 

_Dear Starving Embry,_

_I actually snorted from laughing so hard reading about the librarian thinking you might be looking at porn in the library. Unfortunately, I was sitting in class when I read your email, so my super lady-like snorting did not go unnoticed._

_I wasn’t sure about coming home for that hallowed holiday, “Natives are the Best! Day”, but it seems that now I must. ;) I can’t leave my puppies without their treats. I guess you can come to our feast, too. (What exactly are the traditional decorations for NATBD?)_

_After my little “I have no friends here” pity party, I was invited to an actual party by some girls on my floor. AND I even went! Are you so proud of me? There was terrible food and really loud music and sloppy drunk people, but it was kind of fun to not be super responsible for a couple of hours and instead just exist in the moment, you know? It was no bonfire with my favorite guys and girls, but it was okay._

_Weird question: Are there shifters in other tribes? Because there are a couple of guys here who remind me an awful lot of my favorite Natives. I saw them at the party and kept trying to get closer to them, but they slipped out before I could get to them. Maybe they’ll be at the meeting I’m going to tomorrow. It’s for students interested in promoting Indigenous Language Preservation. (I know I’m totally stereotyping by assuming they might be there just because they look native, but I just...I guess it sounds dumb, but I have a feeling about them.)_

_Hey, you have a birthday coming up! The big 17, right? Too bad nothing fun happens at 17. I mean at 16 you get a driver’s licence (and in your case, grow 8 inches taller, get uber muscles, and sprout fur), at 18 you can vote, be an independent adult, get married, etc. Nope. Nothing fun at 17.  Sorry, pal._

_Okay, I’ve got to go study up on my Quileute facts to be ready for tomorrow’s meeting. If I end up being the only white girl there, I need to at least look like I know what I’m talking about. (I wonder if they know about the Quileute Language Revitalization Project? That’s such a great thing your tribe is doing.)_

_Happy Almost Birthday, Embry Call!_

_  
Bella _


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 

_Dear Bella,_

_Woah. I don’t know if there are any other natives who shift. I’ll ask Billy about it as soon as I get home. What kind of “feeling” do you get around these guys? Is it the kind of “feeling” that is going to make Jake want to kill them? ;) Just be safe, okay? I know you can pick your own friends, but you being around other giant guys who may or may not shift makes me a little worried. Um, I’ll call you later tonight after I talk to Billy._

_How did your meeting go? Thanks for fighting for our language. Do you know more than the rude words? I think that’s all me and the guys ever said around you. ;)_

_If you ever come home when our school is still in session, maybe you can come to class with us. You’ll probably be bored out of your mind, but it’s more fun than listening to those CDs the tribe sent to everyone._

_Tell me more about college. What’s your favorite class and why do you love it? If I can’t go to college, I might as well live vicariously through you._

_Jake and Quil say “hi” and so do Seth and the puppies. I don’t know why they can’t send their own emails or call you, but they seem to have decided that I am the voice for the pack where you are concerned. We had a pack meeting this afternoon which featured Paul and Jared arm wrestling so hard they cracked the top of Sam and Emily’s picnic table. Sam was pissed and is making them fix it tomorrow. Emily cracked them both with a wooden spoon, which also broke, so she’s making them replace that, too. Neither one of them seemed to feel very badly about the whole thing._

 

_Oh, and thanks for reminding me how lame this birthday is…_

_Embry_

 

* * *

 

 

Crap. Crap. Crap! Two huge guys around Bella. What if they are shifters? What if shifters aren’t always good guys? What if these guys are like Paul??

 

I’m starting to shake just thinking about it. I logout, and run out of the library to head to the Blacks’ house. I hope Billy knows something!

 

I knock loudly on the door and here Billy call out, “Come in!”

 

I don’t have time for pleasantries, so I blurt out Bella’s suspicions.

 

“Woah. Slow down, Embry!” Billy says calmly.

 

He looks thoughtfully at me for a moment. “As far as I know, we don’t know of other tribes who share their spirits with a protector, but it would make sense that we weren’t the only ones blessed.”

 

“Or cursed,” I mutter.

 

“Sometimes, it must feel like that for you. Has it been all bad?” Billy asks me quietly.

 

I sigh heavily. Has it been all bad? I was okay with my life before. I got more sleep than I do now. My mom didn’t think I was a drug addict. I was a good student, and I got to hang out with my friends. Sure people thought I was only Makah and teased me that I didn’t even know who my Dad was, but it’s not like there aren’t a lot of other kids with single parents here. Still. Had anything good happened because of the wolf?

 

“Well, I don’t get sick anymore, and I feel more a part of this tribe than anyone ever let me feel before. Other than that, it hasn’t been great for me, Billy.”

 

He nodded. “What about the knowledge that you are able to protect people from the Cold Ones?”

 

“Heh. I think I was happier not knowing about the cold ones in the first place.”

 

“What about knowing that you are able to help Bella in this form?” he asks shrewdly. Aw, hell, does the whole world know I have a crush on her?

 

I blush. “Helping people is good, I guess.” I refuse to confirm or deny, but he grins at me with a smile that Jake gives me all the time when he knows he’s won an arguement.

 

“I have to go. I promised Bella I’d call after I spoke with you.”

 

“Sure, sure. Give her my love. Actually, just tell her to call here when she has a minute. This old man misses her almost as much as my son does.”

 

“Will do,” I nod and head out the door. I walk slower and through the woods back to my house. I need to eat and then I’ll call. I am a friend. I am a friend. Just a concerned friend. I will be friendly. I will not be too nervous to speak.

 

I am hopeless.

 

* * *

 

  
  


_Dear Embry,_

_It was so good to hear your voice last night! It just made me realize how much I miss you all. Jake called right after you and I talked to him and Billy for a bit, too. Talking to you guys felt like coming home for a little while.  I promise I’m grateful to be here, but I wish I could be here and there at the same time. Everyone says that homesickness is normal the first couple months of school, so maybe I’m just being a typical college student right now._

_I will try to talk to those guys today if I see them. I’m not sure which dorm they’re in, but there is an email distribution list from the meeting yesterday. So I’ll try emailing them to see if we can meet. I’m just not quite sure what to say. “Hey, you don’t know me, but I’m a very pale girl who ran with cold ones, now runs with wolves. Any chance you’re wolves, too?” And then they call campus police and file a restraining order against me. Yep. No way this can go badly!_

_Thanks for practicing Quileute conversation with me last night. It was good to have an actual person to speak to and not just repeat after an Mp3 file all the time._

_Em, thanks for responding to my boring emails all the time. You’ve become my touchstone for home. It really means a lot to me._

_Happy Birthday Eve Eve!_

_Bella_

 

* * *

 

 

Birthdays aren’t that exciting at my house. When I was little there were parties, sort of. I was allowed to have my friends over and we had cake, but not like these crazy birthday parties that some of the other kids would get every year.

 

I check the mailbox on the way home from school and find a box waiting for me.

 

It feels like my face might split, I’m smiling so hard right now. I would know the scent of this box anywhere! I have to keep myself from tearing it open right there at the mailbox.

 

I scurry into the house. I yell, “Hi, Mom! I’m home!” as the screen door slaps closed behind me.

My Mom is folding laundry in the living room with the TV on. She smiles at me tentatively. Since the wolf, she’s just not sure about me, so I try extra hard to be helpful, and cheerful when I am able to be at home with her. “Hey, birthday boy! What would you like for your special birthday dinner tonight?”

 

Special Birthday Dinner is one tradition we’ve always had. I get to pick whatever I want and Mom will make it. It doesn’t sound like a big deal to most people, I guess, but with a single Mom who is trying her best to make sure we have everything we need, it’s always been a fun splurge for both of us. I smile again as I think about Bella maybe coming home to make a feast. Mom’s cooking isn’t as good, but she can grill a mean steak.

 

“Steak and mashed potatoes!” I yell. It’s always been one of my favorite meals.

 

Mom chuckles, “Let me guess, with red jell-o and whipped cream for dessert?”

 

“Yeah, and NO vegetables! Especially not green beans!”

 

We both smile and it feels for a minute like things are normal again between us. I don’t mind green beans now, but when I was little I thought they were the worst, so as a special birthday treat when I was a kid, I didn’t have to eat anything green on my plate on my birthday.

 

“What’s in the box, Em?”

 

“I think Bella might have sent me birthday cookies!”

 

“Jacob’s Bella?” Mom asks. I tamp down the urge to growl. “Mom, Jake’s with Katie now. You know that. She and Jake are still really good friends, though, and she kind of tries to look after all of us.”

 

Mom winks, “Oh, so she sends birthday cookies to everyone on the rez?”

 

I stick my tongue out at her like a 4 year old. I’m the worst wolf. Wolves should be tough and intimidating! Me? I don’t growl and instead stick my tongue out.

 

“Mine is the first birthday in our group of friends. So I wouldn’t know if she’s going to do it for everybody or not.”

 

She smiles that annoying smile adults have when they think they know things. “Well, are you going to open it?”

 

“Oh, right!” I drop the rest of the mail on the table and grab the scissors to carefully open the box. I don’t want to accidentally damage any cookies with careless cutting!

 

Upon opening it, the first thing I see is a birthday card and since my Mom is watching and always demands that I read a card first, I go ahead and open that. I do however, take a big whiff of the tissue paper wrapped plastic bags that hold my cookies. I can’t see them yet but I know they’re there.

 

_Dear Embry,_

_You are my favorite 17 year old! I hope it’s a great day for you even if 17 is a lame birthday. I wish I could be there to celebrate with you and give you a birthday hug, but these cookies will have to do instead. :) Happy Birthday, Embry!_

_Love,_

_Bella_

_P.S. I sent a box of cookies to Sam and Emily’s, too, so the other guys could each have a couple of cookies. I didn’t want the twins attacking you on your birthday!_

 

“Nice note?” my Mom asks.

 

I can’t look at her yet. So I try to answer nonchalantly. “Yeah, but now for the cookies!” And with that I tear open the tissue paper (more carefully than I might otherwise because it smells a little like her still, like maybe she had it in her room for a little while before she packed the box), and there are 3 gallon sized Ziplock bags full of big wolf size Monster cookies! Full of oatmeal and M&Ms! And JUST FOR ME!

 

I carefully open a bag and breath in the scent of cookie and Bella and caring. Bella cares. It’s nice to be cared about. Even if that’s all it ever is, I can live with that.

 

I grab a couple of cookies in each hand and stick one in my mouth.

 

I have patrol even though it’s my birthday, but just for an hour. Still I use the library as an excuse.

“Mom, I’m gonna head down to the library to get my homework done so I can thoroughly enjoy my birthday dinner tonight,” I mumble through cookie crumbs.

 

“Home by 5:30,” my Mom says.

 

I nod. “Oh, and if any of the guys stop by, do NOT let them eat my cookies! You can have one, though,” I say and hand her one.

 

She takes it from me and smiles a smile I haven’t seen for a long time. She reaches out to hug me, “Oh, my sweet boy. Happy birthday, monkey!”

 

“Moooooom!” I groan. “Please don’t call me that!”

 

“You are never too big to get embarrassed by your Momma, sweetie! Now go. I’ll see you soon for dinner! Don’t be late, or your steak will be burned!” Mom threatens, “And I’ll have time to make green beans!”

 

“NOOOOOOoooo! Not the green beans!” I shout as I head back out the door.

 

I get outside and notice the sun trying hard to break through the clouds. It’s a thready sort of light, but beautiful all the same.

 

Today is a good day.

 

* * *

 

 

_Dear Bella,_

_YOU ARE THE BEST!!! You sent me birthday cookies! I can die a happy man now. It was really nice of you to send a big box to Sam and Emily’s as well, so everyone else could get a few and I didn’t have to share. I made sure to picture how big a box I got while I was on patrol to make them all jealous!  Paul actually admitted he wished he’d been nicer to you so he could get cookies, too. Please don’t tell him I told you that. I like my nose right where it is on my face! Jake is pretty sure he’ll get an even bigger box for his birthday. And just so you know there were 24 cookies in mine, so maybe just maybe you could only send him 23 when his birthday rolls around? Please, Bella! I mean we’re bros and all, but he already gets all the girls. He can’t get all the cookies, too! Throw a wolf a bone here, B!_

_I’ll write more tomorrow. And for the record, I like getting emails from you, too.  You remind me that there’s more to the world than what I’m doing right now. It helps me feel more human some days._

_Thanks again for the cookies!_

_Embry_

_P.S. Seriously. You really are the best._

 

* * *

 

 

_Dear Embry,_

_I’m so glad you got your birthday cookies on your birthday! I wasn’t sure if that would work out. I usually make cookies by weight, not by number, but maybe I’ll up the weight of Jake’s cookies to make it a lower number but with the same amount of dough. I won’t tell him what’s up unless he gets really miffed about it. I’m all for a little J torture! He never mentions the girls swooning all over him when he talks to me, though. Armed with that piece of info, our next conversation should be extra fun! ;) And what does Katie think about it?? Surely, they take one look at those two together and back away...although, he is a fine specimen of a man, so maybe not._

_As for Paul, I was already planning on sending him cookies some time. He’s an ass, but he’s the ass of the Pack, so I can’t help but appreciate him, too. Besides, knowing the things I know about him, he deserves a little love in the form of baked goods. (After the stories I’ve heard about all of his womanizing, though, that’s all the love he’ll get from me! Not that he’d want me. He’s made that abundantly clear. Not that I’d ever like him like that, but why can’t he let go of who I dated over a year ago? The rest of you seem okay with it. I mean, not okay, but you don’t hate me for it the way he does.)_

_Oh, well. There is no pleasing some people. But you I can please with cookies and email, so we’re all good here, right?_

_I have things to tell you about those guys I mentioned. Their names are Alex and Victor and I’m pretty sure they run almost as hot as you guys. You know what a bad liar I am, so it wasn’t easy, but I “accidentally” ran into them in the student center around dinner time yesterday. I noticed them heading that direction the last few days. So, I sort of followed them last night. I got right behind them in line. I didn’t touch either one of them, but I was close enough to feel the heat radiating off them. Did you know that’s how hot you feel to normal people? I’m always so cold that I loved (still do) all the warm touches and hugs, but even just standing near you guys was enough that I felt like I had a space heater at all times. That what these guys feel like._

_I’ll try to find out more. But I’m not sure how else to do it. Ugh. What I wouldn’t give for just an ounce of the confidence Jake or Leah have. They never have a difficult time talking to other people. I’m not good at saying what I want. It wasn’t until after the Cullens left and then Jake took over that I realized how much I started realizing I’ve never really asked for what *I* needed. Even with my parents. Growing up with my Mom, I was always so busy taking care of her… And then with Dad, he was already so independent, so I could cook and clean for him. But when Edward came along and started insisting that things be this way or that, it was so nice to not have to make a decision, but also not really have to worry about taking care of anyone else._

_  
That makes it sound like a relationship based on laziness, doesn’t it? Maybe I am lazy. Jake was better in that way. He always asked me what I wanted to do which was nice and once we got to know one another better, I could speak my mind better around him. I’m just not very good with strangers. Again, last time I made new friends all by myself? Cold Ones._

_What was I thinking going away to school? I’m doomed to be a cat lady in a smelly, cluttered old house! A cat lady and hoarder and agoraphobic who can’t even answer the phone!_

_I am such a mess._

_Bella_

* * *

 

I feel like I am slowly unfolding myself to Embry. It has been happening so slowly that I didn’t even realize until I reread my email after I sent it. He know my biggest skeletons in my closet (or vampires in my closet, in my case), but he’s always been so kind and gentle and willing to listen. He’s so easy to open up to. Why didn’t I see this before? Why didn’t we get closer when I was still at home?

He’s so good. Such a good person. Beautiful inside and out. His imprint will be so incredibly lucky to have him.

I wish…

I sigh and close my laptop. My wishes don’t help anything in this case. I can’t let myself love more than platonically anyone in the pack.

I wish I could be strong enough to say, “Hey, let’s just have fun while we can.”  But I’m not that kind of girl. Not right now anyway. My heart wouldn’t recover quickly. It’s hard enough on a girl’s ego hang out with such beautiful people all the time. But then to have the person who loves you suddenly look at someone else like she’s the only person in the whole world? It’s rough. I mean, with Jake, I was okay. I’d been telling him forever I didn’t think of him like that. He finally wore me down enough to try, but I was never that invested. Even then it was hard to go from having him so devoted to me, to… well, not. The other guys stepped right in. Collin and Brady who had only been phased for a couple of months practically adopted me as their mom and were always around me if they didn’t have to be patrolling.  Seth came with Sue every time she came to visit my Dad, so I basically got a little brother during that time. We’d do our homework together or play cards up in my room while we left the adults downstairs. Quil was quick to jump in with the goofy jokes if I ever even thought about being sad, and Embry. Embry always seemed to fill in the gaps with just the right words, or just the right touch, or just the right activity. He watches everything closely, so he’s always prepared.

He watched me carefully.

They all did. Waiting for me to fall apart again like I did post-Cullen. But I couldn’t ever go back to that place. Even if I had been in love with Jake for real, I like to think I couldn’t have gone back to that again. The pack had shown me too much about living in the meantime. And about loving. They bickered and fought but they loved each other even when they didn’t like each other very much.

Not having my “adopted” family near me now makes me feel vaguely untethered. What is holding me here?

\---------------------

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

  
  


_ Dear Bella, _

 

_ Woah. I certainly hope you are over your little freak out from yesterday.  _

 

_ First of all, there is a whole pack of people here who love you. And I’ve seen you boss every one of them (all of them at least a foot taller and 100 lbs. bigger than you) around before!  _

 

_ And I’ve seen from Jake how you put those kids from Forks in their places when they talked bad about you hanging out with the “rez trash”. You have plenty of courage when you need it, Bella. You’ll be fine. And if you don’t feel comfortable talking to those guys, then don’t. Don’t worry about it. Goodness, girl, you can work yourself into a tizzy! _

 

_ Jake, Leah, and Paul all have no problem speaking their minds. You’re right about that. But they also rub people the wrong way, a lot. You manage to get your point across kindly. Well, except when you’re telling people off. ;) Seriously, I love when Jake thinks about that day. In his memory your eyes were blazing and cheeks flushed red while you told those idiots to get the hell off the rez if they couldn’t respect the people who cared for it. You were awesome that day, B! So, I know you can do what needs to be done when it needs to be done.  _

 

_ And as for becoming a cat lady. Please don’t. The wolves won’t like it. And if the wolves can’t come over HOW WOULD WE GET OUR COOKIES????  _

 

_ Gotta focus on the priorities, B.  _

 

_ Counting down the days until you’re back, _

_ Embry _

 

_ \----------------- _

 

I hate it when she thinks badly about herself. Jake has always said she doesn’t see herself very clearly. I guess most people don’t see themselves very well. As wolves we get so much reflected back at us because of the mind link that we probably have a better sense of ourselves than the average human, but still. 

 

She was beautiful all the time, but when she got riled up that day on the beach, she looked like a warrior! Like a Momma wolf defending her pups. Which she kinda was that day, I suppose. Collin and Brady are so lucky. She doesn’t view them as a threat in any way so they get to hang all over her all the time and she doesn’t think anything of it. Weirdly, they don’t really either. All the other guys in the pack, except the imprinted ones of course, have imagined what it would be like to be with her. I won’t tell her, but Paul especially thinks about the day she slapped him. He isn’t hurt by it, but he was impressed. He still treats her like crap, but in Paul’s mind that’s teasing. His interpersonal skills aren’t very well developed unless he’s trying to get with a girl.

 

Sam and Paul were in the woods that day Bella went off on the Forks kids on our beach. At first they were pissed that she was talking about it like she owned the place, but then realized that she was just reminding her fellow pale faces that they were all guests. Both those guys like her remembering her “place”. As much as I like Sam, I kind of wanted to punch him when I caught that thought as we were patrolling a few months ago.

 

I guess my anger surprised him as we were running together.

 

“Embry, what’s wrong?”

 

“Is that really what you think about her? That she’s just another white girl and should stay away?”

 

“Well, she is white. And she doesn’t actually live here, so-”

 

“Does Emily know you feel like this??”

 

“Hold on, Embry. I think you got the wrong idea. I think Bella’s life would be easier if she’d never gotten wrapped up with us. I thank the spirits every day that she was okay after Jacob imprinted. I was the one who found her after the leech left, remember? I just worry that she doesn’t spend time with normal humans, but she’s nobody’s imprint either. How will she ever find someone? She’s trapped between worlds when she’s with us.”

 

“But she’s happy when she’s with us, Sam.”

 

“Yeah, but will you care as much about her happiness when you imprint?”

 

“IF I imprint!”

 

“Okay, if. You’ve seen Jake. He still loves her, but he checks on Katie first and foremost. Bella isn’t first anymore.”

 

“She doesn’t have to be first to still be loved by the pack.”

 

“I agree, Embry. But someday she’s going to want a relationship and spending all her time here doesn’t help her.”

 

He’s right. I know he’s right. I should want normal for her. 

 

But I can’t keep her safe then.

 

\---------------------

  
  


_ Dear Embry, _

 

_ Thanks for the verbal (written? virtual?) slap in the face. Seriously. I didn’t mean to turn into stupid, whiny Bella again. Sometimes when I’m stressed, though, all the insecurities overflow.  _

 

_ I’ll go practice some yoga breathing or something. Or maybe I’ll go running. Some of the girls on my floor asked me the other day if I wanted to go, and without even thinking twice about it I agreed. So after 1 miserable mile of huffing and puffing, I begged off and they shot ahead like gazelles and probably ran another ten miles, but it made me realize how good it felt to move like that. It made me feel like a little kid again. I was happy and free! And then I woke up the next morning and EVERYTHING hurt. Seriously, muscles I didn’t even know about were burning. I walked around like a 95 year old woman with two broken hips for the rest of the day. I looked ridiculous. The girls I’d gone running with saw me and handed me a water bottle, 2 advil, and made me go for a much lighter jog with them right away. They were right, though. Moving did help the soreness. Oh, I could use a wolf or two to help my sore muscles! Wanna run down and lay across my calves for a day or two? ;) _

 

_ Hah! I just reread that last line. Kinda creepy/kinky. Good thing I know you know what I mean. _

 

_ That day I yelled at the Forks kids, I guess Jake didn’t show you that I was shaking like a leaf for about an hour afterwards. I’m not great at confrontation. And I probably looked more like some angry kitten than anything brave and ferocious, but sometimes things need to be said. And you guys weren’t around. (I didn’t know Jake was in the trees nearby until afterwards when he came out smiling at me. Honestly, I think they left because he put his arm around me and then did that smile that says, “I’m smiling at you, but only because I’m imagining all the ways I could kill you right now.” All you wolves have it. I’m just glad I’ve never been on the receiving end of that one...well, except from Victoria. She had it, too. Geez, is that like a requirement if you’re a supernatural being? Maybe if I could just get that smile right I would sprout wings or something!) _

 

_ There’s a party tonight on the floor above mine. I’m going to go. Check me out all outside my comfort zone! A couple people from my writing class invited me, which left me undecided until one of the girls from the Indigenous Languages club mentioned the other day that she was coming to my dorm for the same party.  I figure if I go and spend 5 minutes speaking to the 3 people I know there and then a few minutes people watching, that is sufficient to be considered social, right?  _

 

_ Too bad I’m not in math right now, maybe I could come up with an equation for this and turn it in for extra credit. Hey, you’re still taking math! You do it! _

 

_ Thanks for being my friend even when I have a full-on mope. And thanks more for knowing when to let me be and when to snap me out of it. _

 

_ Bella _

 

_ \----------------------- _

 

_ Dear Bella,  _

 

_ I can’t write long because my Mom and I are going up to visit some relatives this weekend. I have to run a crazy number of patrols to get out of doing any this weekend. It will be weird to go a whole weekend without phasing. We’ll see. _

 

_ Any more word on those two guys? _

 

_ How was the party? Are you ready to become a stereotypical college party animal now? ;)  _

 

_ Have a great weekend! And don’t party too hard. _

 

_ Embry Call (Just an animal. No partying to go with it.) _

 


	5. Chapter 5

_ Chapter 5 _

 

The library is closed when we get back late Sunday night, so I can’t check my email. I didn’t realize how much I depend on hearing from her every day. I didn’t send her any texts because we don’t really do that yet. Stupid, right? Practically the whole world communicates via text, but because I never have with her, I feel weird sending a text to her. 

 

I get to school early Monday to use one of the school laptops. It is wrong how eager I am to get to my inbox.

 

Nothing? I have nothing from her. Just emails from teachers and junk mail from the makers of video games I used to play. I close the laptop and sit there trying not to think about how much this hurts me.

 

I’m pathetic.

 

All day long when anybody asks me what’s wrong, I just tell them I am tired from the weekend away. The pack rib me for this since I didn’t have to patrol for two whole days.

 

I’m not supposed to feel this attached to her. I’m not safe for her anyway.

 

By Friday, I can’t take it anymore. Everyone hates being around me. I’ve become snappish and snarly at everyone. Even my wolf is sick of me.

 

“Dude, what is your problem?” asks Jake when he phases in and catches my black mood during patrol.

 

“Nothing. I’m fine,” I growl.

 

“You are not fine, man. This is totally unlike you. What’s going on?”

 

“I just- I haven’t been able to relax since I got home last weekend. I’m all agitated and there’s no good reason for it.” I know the reason, but that shouldn’t be the reason. I should be able to not act like a stupid moody teenager.

 

With uncanny accuracy, Jake asks, “Have you talked to Bella at all this week?”

 

I’m surprised at how my wolf jumps to attention at his question.

 

“No. I haven’t,” I clip, trying not to give anything away, “Why?”

 

“That’s weird. Doesn’t she usually write every day?”

 

“I guess.” She used to write every day or close to it. Now she goes to parties.

 

“Bella went to a party? Did she really get drunk?” Jake asks seeing the image I’ve created in my head of a tipsy, flirty, drinking Bella.

 

“No,” I confess, “I haven’t talked to her since last weekend when she went to a party. She told me she was going and then I haven’t heard from her since.”

 

“WHAT??” Jake yells in my head. “I haven’t heard from her either. She didn’t answer the last two times I called! Phase out. Go email her again. Now. I’ll call. I’ll ask the pups what they know, too.”

 

Suddenly, I’m not feeling sorry for myself anymore. I’m worried. How could I have been so stupid and selfish? What if she got hurt? No, surely Charlie would have heard something. I pull on my clothes and run to the library. Before I get in, I text Jake to call Charlie and ask him if he’s heard anything, too.

 

_ Good idea _ , he texts back.  _ Will do _ .

 

I quickly login at the library computer and then take a few breaths. I need to keep things friendly and not scare her off, just in case. In case what, I don’t know, but something tells me to go in carefully. My phone buzzes with a text.

 

_ Charlie hasn’t heard from her since Friday, either. I’m calling Sam. Somebody may need to run down there. She’s not answering. _

 

Cold dread fills me.

 

\-----------------------

  
  


_ Dear Bella, _

 

_ I haven’t heard from you for a week now. Did you get too busy with college and forget about all your friends in WA? _

 

_ No emails + no cookies = Sad Embry _

 

_ It’s not quite the equation you asked for, but it is an equation. I don’t think my math teacher would be very impressed, though… _

 

_ Jake said you haven’t answered your phone the last couple times he’s tried calling, B. _

 

_ Is everything okay? You’re kind of freaking out the pack. If we don’t hear back from you in the next day or two, Sam may send Paul to find you. Or Leah. ;) _

 

_ Please get in touch soon! _

 

_ Worried, _

_ Embry _

 

_ \----------------------------------------- _

 

I sit back and wait. I think I sounded far less worried in that email than I really feel. I’m doing a little research for my history assignment while I camp out there at the computer hoping for a response. The librarian announces 30 minutes until closing when I finally see a new email from Bella.

 

I grab the mouse so hard, I’m surprised it doesn’t break in my hand.

\----------------------------

 

_ Dearest Embry, _

 

_ I am so sorry, Embry. I have some things I need to tell you, but… I needed to process them myself first. There’s a slight possibility you might get upset by this email. So please stop reading now, print the email, and take it outside to read. Will you do that, please?  _

 

_ Okay, I’m hoping you listened to me and are now outside reading. I know you’re really good at controlling yourself, but I didn’t want to test the theory in the middle of the library.  _

 

_ So, I went to that party the other night. It was actually kind of fun for a while. I knew more kids there than I thought I would, so I’d been there for nearly an hour. The way the rooms are set up, you open a door from the hallway and are immediately in a small vestibule where there are 4 doors leading to three dorm rooms and a bathroom that they share. When I got there, all the doors were propped open so the vestibule was pretty lit up and full of people and music and just general cacophony. I chatted and mingled and made polite conversation. Eventually doors started closing as bowls came out and beer cans were opened. People could still come and go freely into any of the rooms, but nobody wanted the RA to have an easy view of anything that was going on. Before you freak out about me being the daughter of a cop, I was in the room where neither of those things was happening. Me and the chip bowl and soda. (Again, pointing to the future cat-lady idea.) I needed to use the restroom, so I left the room I was in and went to the vestibule, but with all the doors closed it was really dark. There probably is a light switch somewhere, but I didn’t know where, so I was moving through the dingy light when one of the other doors opened and a guy from my writing class came out. He had clearly been drinking, and even if he hadn’t been, he’s always struck me as a bit of a tool, but I said hello because I recognized him. I am such an idiot. Because I recognized him, even though I’ve never felt okay about him, I let my guard down. Before you freak out, nothing bad happened, E! But this guy as soon as I said hello, grabbed me, shoved me back against the wall, and started forcing his tongue down my throat. I’m guessing this is what he assumes passes as kissing, but in my book was sexual assault. Ew. _

 

_ Okay, I know you know that Jake and I kissed a few times, and I’m sure he replayed me telling him that he was the first who’d ever kissed me like that, so you know that this is not an area of expertise for me. Let me assure you, Jake and I decided us being together just didn’t feel quite right for a number of reasons. (Did he replay that conversation, too?)  But I am going to send him a thank you note for being a comparatively fantastic kisser. Of my 3 experiences, he wins hands down. And after that stupid party, I’m not really excited to try it again any time soon. (See? Cat lady.) _

 

_ Back to the story. Are you still human? No fur? Can you read when you’re in wolf form? Sorry, now for real back to the story. I couldn’t even wrap my mind around what was happening because it happened so fast, you know? But he was holding on to me really hard and it hurt me so I yelled as best I could with his tongue down my throat. Just then, the door of the room where the pot had been flew open and those guys Victor and Alex stepped out. The idiot didn’t even notice them. Until Alex grabbed his shoulder and pulled him off of me. The idiot boy took one look at the hulking native guys and literally opened the door and ran down the hallway. Alex ran after and Victor stayed with me. I think I was in shock or something, because I just stood there blinking a lot and shaking since I still wasn’t sure what the hell had just happened. (Seriously, you guys and your lightning fast reflexes. I would love some of that!) Alex came back in and asked if I was okay. He also let me know that the idiot boy had a broken nose and knew he better behave better or else…  I politely thanked them. (I was in shock, okay. Politeness is a reflex.) And was about to walk out the door. Victor quietly asked if I was okay and if I wanted him to get some of the girls I came with to walk me back to my room.  And that’s when I lost it and burst into tears.  The guys looked just as scared as you guys all do when I cry and they sort of stood there for a minute as I mumbled that I was there alone. That I’m always there alone. That I just want to go home. That I want the pack. That I’m no good at any of this and what was I thinking leaving WA in the first place??. Victor cocked his head to the side the way Sam does sometimes and said, “Pack?” And then I reached out and touched both of them on their burning forearms and asked, “Wolves. Like you?” _

 

_ And then we all went out into the well lit but deserted hallway where we could sit and talk. Very long story short. They are shifters. Their tribe is from the nearby mountains and has enough protectors that they can afford to let a few at a time leave to go off to school. But they have to go in pairs to have a support system and they have to go home one weekend a month to patrol. They jokingly call it the “National Native Guard” _

 

_ So...I didn’t give them much info and certainly NO details about you guys. I wanted to call Sam to ask how he wanted me to proceed. I don’t want to betray any confidences even given the extraordinary circumstances. But I didn’t want to tell him how exactly the whole conversation with the guys came about. Well, not until I told you first. Can you show the print out of this email to the guys and Leah and then have Sam call me? I just don’t want to ruffle any feathers by offending the pack hierarchy, you know? But I also don’t want Sam to accidentally think of it around Jake if he doesn’t already know about it. You can imagine how well that would go. I’d likely have my door pounded down in the middle of the night by an irate wolf. I’m sure my roommate would really appreciate that.  _

 

_ I have to go now. I promised the guys that I’d meet them for dinner tonight. I’m really sorry if any of this upset you, Em, but out of everyone, you were the one I wanted to tell first.  _

 

_ Thanks for being you. _

  
_ Bella _


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 

I hope he takes my email okay. The wolves are all so protective and I know that they were already a little nervous about the possibility of shifters here when I mentioned them a couple of weeks ago, but add to it some drunk guy grabbing me and they’d rip his head off. I wasn’t exaggerating when I told Embry I needed some time to process it before I talked to anyone. Even the new (to me) wolves, Alex and Victor, I stayed away from for a couple of days. 

 

I’m not very good at rolling with things apparently. It’s been so long since it even occurred to me to be afraid of a human, that the day after the party I could barely think about anything other than all the things that could have happened if Alex and Victor hadn’t stepped in. And all the other things that could happen to me at any time. I am weak. I am breakable. I am human. I’m not living with a well-armed chief of police anymore. I’m no longer surrounded by supernatural beings who can protect me. I didn’t even realize I’d been relying on that. After all, I did pretty well for all those years when it was just me and my Mom. But as Edward had once pointed out, apparently my number wasn’t up back then.

 

By Saturday night my roommate, Kristin, was tired of me be wrapped up in my quilt with a book and forced me out to go running with the other girls on the floor. We’re sort of our own kind of pack when we run like that. It makes me understand how the wolves must feel. Except they look lovely and effortless when they run, and I’m a stumbling, panting mess.

 

On Sunday, I went to the library as long as it was open and read ahead in every single class for the week. I opened up a window to type to Embry a few times, but didn’t know what to say yet. 

 

I needed to not be freaked out by what had happened at the party before I talked to him.

 

At least that’s what I kept telling myself all week.

 

I also told myself that he doesn’t need distractions from me, anyway. He’s got enough on his plate. 

 

I should have told my Dad, too, but I was expecting almost as extreme a reaction from him as I am from the wolves. (What does it say that when I get myself into a sticky situation, the people I love best default to anger at whoever might have hurt me but worse, guilt for not being there to stop it? Is that a normal reaction for normal people or is this just one more anomaly in my world?) And I could get away for longer being silent with him. All the years of not living together had prepared him for long gaps in our communication. As long as I checked in every couple of weeks, he was happy. I usually called more, but he wouldn’t panic if I waited a little more.

 

It wasn’t until Tuesday that Alex saw me in the cafeteria and slowly and carefully sat down across from me at the table.

 

“Our packs should talk,” he said with authority.

 

“Hello to you, too, Alex. Why, yes, it IS a lovely day! And I’m doing just fine, thank you so much for asking!” I answered him with sarcastic cheerfulness.

 

He smiled. “I’m sorry. You’re right. Pleasantries first. Hello, Bella.”

 

“Hello, Alex.”

 

“If you were affiliated with my pack, I would insist you take some self defense lessons.”

 

I smile. “I know a few things, but you’re right. I can’t believe my dad didn’t insist, actually, now that I think of it…”

 

“There is a class that meets in the community room in my dorm at 7pm every night this week. Would you consider going?” He asks.

 

I look at him for a minute. I do need to take a lot more responsibility for my safety and well-being than I have had to since moving in with my Dad. Alex and Victor being there was a fluke.

 

“Yeah,” I nod. “I’ll be there.”

 

“Good,” he says and relaxes a little while starting to eat.

 

“Why do you want to know about the pack?” I ask.

 

“We didn’t know there were others. It would be nice to have allies. And also to learn more about one another.”

 

“I can see that,” I say. “I won’t give you any specifics until I talk to the Alpha. Any information shared is his call.”

 

“Of course,” Alex says, “I would expect nothing else from him. And I feel the same way.”

 

“So I guess we’ll have to figure out other things to talk about if we’re going to eat together,” I say. 

 

And we proceed to eat in complete silence for a full two minutes. Two minutes is a really long time to sit in awkward silence. Comfortable silence? Two minutes is fine. But Alex and I didn’t have that kind of friendship yet.

 

“I’m not ready to call the Alpha,” I say quietly. “He’s going to be mad if I tell him how I discovered what you are. Although, he knew I had suspicions.”

 

“He’d get mad at you for a boy attacking you?!”

 

“No, no! He’d get mad that none of them were here to stop it. He- he found me lost in the woods a long time ago. I wasn’t well at the time and since then he’s made sure that I’m always watched over. It’s like he has this big-brother feeling of responsibility with me.”

 

“How did he let you leave then? He didn’t send anyone with you, did he?”

 

“No. I wish! That would have made being here so much easier, honestly. I think he hoped I would be able to go be normal if I left. That I would be safer in a world without magic.”

 

“But magic is everywhere,” Alex says.

 

“Apparently,” I answer dryly. “I’ll call him in a couple of days. After I go to this class tonight and maybe a few more. It will go better, I think, if I sound proactive about the whole thing and not freaked out anymore.”

 

“Have you seen that guy again?” he smirks a little as he asks.

 

My eyes narrow. “Are you the reason his face looks like that and he ran away when he saw me yesterday?

 

“It’s possible. I don’t want you to be afraid of him. He won’t be a problem to you ever again. But I  _ would _ like you to be aware of your surroundings. I’m not saying you could have avoided what happened, but statistically it’s not the last time something like that will happen to you.”

 

“Are you also the reason he found me this morning and apologized profusely promising me that he’d never touch anyone ever again without asking their express permission and receiving an actual ‘yes’ from them before doing anything?”

 

He smiles, “Also, possible.”

 

I shake my head and smile. “You wolves. You are trouble.”

 

“We protect the vulnerable.”

 

“That’s me all over, I’m afraid,” I reach across the table and grab his hand. “Thank you, Alex. I am so grateful that you were there. I don’t know how bad it would have been, but fortunately, I don’t have to know. So, thank you. And you’re right. I do need to be more aware. I’ve been mentally beating myself up all week that I didn’t remember humans can be dangerous, too.”

 

“We protect,” he says again and goes back to eating. Then stops, “I have a feeling you have some very interesting stories to tell me about your life, Bella Swan.”

  
  


\---------------

 

_ Dear B, _

 

_ I just wanted to let you know that Leah and I should be getting to your dorm room tomorrow evening for “my campus tour”. Please send me your dorm name and room number so we can find you quickly. Not gonna lie. Jacob is going a little crazy that he’s not the one coming, but he can’t miss any more school, it was really the only way.  See you soon. _

 

_ E _

 

\------------------------------

 

The fit hit the shan when I let everyone know about what had happened with Bella and that there were two unknown shifters. Everyone immediately went into territorial mode. There are times when it’s really difficult to determine where the animal ends and the human begins. We are all pretty animal when one of our own might be in danger. It was almost immediately decided that a face to face meeting with these guys was essential. The logistics of such a thing were a little more complicated.

 

It was through much growling (all of us), pacing (Me, Jake, and Quill), punching (Jake), snarling (Paul and Leah), Shhhh-ing (all the imprints trying to calm their respective wolves), and glaring (mostly Sam, but most of us probably did it at some point throughout the meeting) that we finally sorted everything out.

 

Leah was finally the voice of reason when everyone was arguing about whether we should go down to meet these shifters, and who, and how. Jacob thought it should be him as the beta of the pack and Bella’s best friend. Katie was supportive, but pointed out he was failing his math class and couldn’t afford to miss class or the tutoring the teacher was offering if he wanted to pass and graduate. We could all see that Sam was considering going himself as alpha, but felt divided. He worried about everything, but was more concerned with the things that he was already in charge of. He’d always cared about Bella, but from a distance. He’d sort of outsourced her well being to the rest of us since he saw that we were already naturally protective of her. He never said, but I think he was quietly holding us all responsible that something had happened to her. At college. Two states away. And then while being mad a us, he was mad at himself for not being in charge of her directly in the first place. Sam Uley is a complicated man. It must be exhausting to be him.

 

Nobody even considered sending Paul or Quil since neither one of them could be trusted as ambassadors, although, both were concerned about Bella and her involvement with the shifters.

 

“Embry and I should go,” Leah finally said, cutting through Jake whining to Sam.

 

Everybody stopped talking and stared. Even I was shocked. I really wanted to go, but I didn’t want to be the guy who was jumping up and down saying “Pick me! Pick me!” (which is exactly what the youngest wolves were doing) when, really, Jake or Sam seemed the more obvious choices. I had no claim on being ambassador for the pack.

 

Sam tilted his head and both he and Jake looked at me as if they were scanning my soul. It was kind of creepy and my wolf did not like it, but I refused to look away in submission to either one of them while in human form.

 

Sam looked back at Leah. “You’re right. It makes the most sense.”

 

Jacob growled a little, but nodded in grudging agreement.

 

“I trust him to look out for Bells better than anyone else in this room other than me. And he’s good at calming a room and talking everybody down if things get tense with these other guys,” Jacob said to Sam as if I wasn’t standing right there.

 

“And Leah is our best strategist. She can read them and get a feel for the best way to proceed,” Sam replied.

 

“Damn right,” Leah said, standing a little taller at having Sam acknowledge her skills as a fellow warrior. “Embry, aren’t you taking that life skills class where you get excused absences and credit for the class if you go on college tours?”

 

I smile. I hadn’t even thought about that! She’s brilliant.

 

“And they will reimburse you the cost of some of your travel expenses, right?”

 

“I never really looked into it, honestly.”

 

“I think Leah’s right, if it’s still like it was when we were in school. I was able to pay for a room and meals during my college tour weekend and then got reimbursed for it.”

 

“What about transportation costs?  Berkeley isn’t just a couple hours away,” Paul asks, without sneering for once. I’m sure Rachel sitting on his lap is helping him.

 

“We’re wolves. We run,” I say.

 

Leah smirks at me. I have a feeling she understands just how badly I want to go on this trip- how much I want to see Bella. Probably as much as she wants to get away from this and be at college herself. She’d be there right now if not for the wolf. If home is where the heart is, neither one of us has been home for a long time here in La Push.

 

“We could leave today-” Leah begins.

 

“Tomorrow. I’ve got to clear it with my teacher first. I’ll tell them that a kid in Forks offered me a ride last minute.”

 

Sam nods. “That’s a good idea. It will give you a chance to look at maps and figure out how to pack for a long run. And when to phase back.”

 

“I think I have a couple of backpacks that we could rig up with bungee cords to stay on when you phase,” Emily offers to Leah shyly.

 

It’s Leah’s turn to nod seriously. It’s so weird seeing how many mannerisms she and Sam still share just from being together for so long. THAT is not a thought I want in my head if I’m going to run for 12 hours with Leah.

 

Jake interrupts, “It’s almost a thousand miles to her school! Just because you CAN run, doesn’t mean you should! Take the rabbit,” he says as if there is no further argument to be had. He looks all Alpha right now. Because he is one of my best friends, I also know how much it is probably killing him inside to offer up his precious car for somebody else to drive. I can’t wait to tell Bella this tidbit. She’d understand the significance of the gesture for sure.

 

“I don’t have money to pay for gas and food for a road trip,” Leah says.

 

“I do,” offers Katie. “Well, some,” she says walking over to where she stashed her bag when she first got here. 

 

“Me, too,” says Kim. 

 

And suddenly everyone in the pack has $5 or $10 to spare and the imprints who can actually work normal jobs each throw in $20.

 

I feel a warmth come over me as I look around at all these people who care. This is my messy, wonderful, infuriating, awesome family. And right at this minute, being a wolf and part of this supernatural pack feels okay. Really okay.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

 

I’m a little jittery as I wait for Leah and Embry to arrive. They should be getting here early enough that I won’t need to sign them in to my building, but I just can’t sit still. My room is spotless from all the cleaning and organizing I’ve already done. My homework is all done, so I can’t lose myself in that even.

 

I think about going for a run, but then I’d have to shower and dry my hair which takes forever these days. Yes, I’m vain enough to admit that I want to look good when I see Embry again. Leah and Embry, that is. Okay, just Embry. Leah doesn’t care. Although, her coming here with Embry is curious. We didn’t really get a chance to talk about who and why. 

 

I jump and startle when I hear a knock on my door. It can’t be them yet. It’s too early still. I swing open the door and see the enormous forms of Alex and Victor.

 

“Hello, Bella. We wanted to invite you and your guests to dinner tonight,” Alex says.

 

“Oh! Um, well- come in!” The only place they can sit is the bed, so I motion to it and invite them to have a seat. I sit at the desk, “I was thinking we wouldn’t get together until later, to properly introduce everyone.”

 

Victor chuckles, and in his best surfer boy accent says, “Bella, babe, we’re Cali wolves. We’re all about the chill, you know.” 

 

I can’t help but smile. Victor is so easy to be around. Alex is more serious, but a real sweetheart, too. 

 

“Of course. How could I forget! I am in the presence of the most chill wolves ever?”

 

“That’s right. You are. Let’s go play frisbee! It’s a beautiful day outside and you’re stinking up this room with your nervousness.”

 

I immediately feel embarrassed. Do I really stink? I start sniffing my shirt.

 

The guys burst out laughing. “You’re fine. But crack the window. We really can smell fear. And nervousness is a close relative to fear,” Alex reassures me.

 

I crack the window and say, “Frisbee, huh? Isn’t that a little cliche?”

 

“How so?”

 

“I would think someone in the canine family might be a little more careful with the association, that’s all,” I tease as I grab my backpack to head outside with them. 

 

“Why are you so nervous, anyway?” Victor asks.

 

I blush. “I just haven’t seen them for a while.”

 

Victor calls me on it. “Uh-uh. That would give excitement. Why nerves?”

 

I stick out my tongue at him. When I see he’s not going to let the subject drop I say, “Fine. Leah is gorgeous and intimidating and not really a big fan of me, so the prospect of spending a weekend with her is jangling my nerves a little. Embry is fine. He’s sweet and wonderful and notices everything.” I stop when I realize that I have a stupid grin on my face while I talk about him.

 

“Alex, I think our Bella has a little crush on a big bad wolf,” Victor says to his friend in a knowing way.

 

“Shut up, Victor!” I hiss at him as if someone might hear and blush furiously.

 

Alex chuckles, but puts his arm around me, “Leave her alone, Vic.”

 

Victor laughs and ruffles my hair, “Just teasing you, Bella. Now throw this to me and let’s see if I can catch it in my mouth,” he shouts while tossing me the frisbee and running away. For all of my tripping over my own feet, I’m pretty good at a game of catch. Back in AZ, there was always a game of catch going on while cooling off in the pool. That was great for me. In a pool, I could dive to catch without worrying about falling over. Dry land is not my friend.

 

It feels good to be out in the sunshine with these two goofs. I drop my bag, kick off my shoes, put my cell in my pocket in case Leah or Embry calls, and just enjoy the warmth of the sun while I try my best to throw and catch the frisbee.

* * *

 

 

Being folded in a car for 14 hours is terrible for any tall person. But for a wolf it’s the worst. We actually had to over at a scenic overlook this afternoon and run in human form just to stretch out a little bit.

 

I’m so relieved just to be out of the car, that I forget for a minute of blissful stretching how excited I’ve been to see Bella. I think Leah knows, but she’s been very kind and only yelled at me once when I was drumming my fingers on the dashboard to get out some of my nervous energy. I tried to be more careful after that.

 

“I looked at a map of the campus online last night. So, I think her dorm is that one right over there,” Leah states as we follow the sidewalk up a hill.

 

At the top of the hill I hear her laugh, and look to see a beautiful, happy Bella smiling in the sunshine and running across the grass to catch a frisbee. The evening sunshine catches her hair and it makes her seem to glow. I’m breathless at the sight for the moment.

 

“Swan plays frisbee?” Leah interrupts my thoughts. “Why didn’t she ever play with us on the beach?”

 

Huh. I wonder. And then she trips and falls to the ground with a loud “oof!”. I start to run towards her, but before I get there, she rolls to her back laughing and holds up the frisbee. “I GOT IT!!!” she yells! 

 

She is victorious and just so wonderfully alive right now. I slow before she notices me. She was never that alive with us. Maybe La Push wolves weren’t so good for Bella Swan.

 

“The puny human wins, you dogs!” she yells in a taunting manner across the field as she sits up. Our eyes meet. “Embry??”

 

She scrambles up from the grass and runs the rest of the short distance to get to me and jumps into my arms. I catch her easily. This feels so good. She smells perfect. She feels perfect in my arms. I’m still holding her as Leah, and the two new shifters join us.

 

“You’re here! You’re really here! Embry Call, you are the most wonderful sight for sore eyes,” she says quietly into the crook of my  neck. If I were struck dead right this minute, I would die a very happy man.

 

“Isn’t this sweet?” Leah sneers, but without her usual vitriol. 

 

Bella seems to remember herself. “Leah!” She lets go of me to get down, and I let go a little slower than strictly necessary so she slides down me. I want as much of her scent on me as possible if I can’t touch her every minute that we’re here. My wolf doesn’t want me to let her go at all, and I’m having a hard time disagreeing with him right now. 

 

Bella must really be homesick because she grabs Leah into a hug, too, and the shocked look on Leah’s face is priceless. “Thank you so much for coming!” I try not to laugh at Leah, who then surprises me even more and hugs Bella back.

 

“No problem, Swan. You know my brother and the other puppies would kill me if I didn’t make sure you were okay.”

 

* * *

 

I remember myself and let go of Leah so I can introduce everyone. 

 

“Wolves of Washington, meet these mangy California Coyotes,” I say solemnly.

 

“Hey!,” Victor shouts, “Who are you calling a coyote??”

 

I smile and glance up at Embry who is smiling back at me. I playfully wink at him. And try again, “Leah and Embry meet Alex and Victor. If we were to draw a Venn Diagram of my life, among other things you would all be in the section that is labeled “keeping Bella Swan safe”, I said sheepishly.

 

Victor reaches for Leah’s hand. He keeps looking at her but says to me, “Bella, you were right about Leah. She is gorgeous.”

 

I confess that I am both amazed and secretly delighted when LEAH CLEARWATER BLUSHES!! Seriously, this might be my new favorite memory. I look at Embry to see if he’s noticed, but he simply has one corner of his mouth curled up in a smile so small she hopefully won’t notice.

 

Alex steps in. “I’m Alex. Victor and I would like it very much if you all would join us for dinner. We can go further north and have a picnic and perhaps run together if you feel like you need to do that after your long drive.”

 

“That sounds good to me,” Embry says. “Bella? Leah? What do you think?”

 

“Fine,” Leah snaps because she’s just realized that she’s still shaking Victor’s hand. She yanks her hand back and scowls at Victor.

 

“Whatever works best for you all getting to know one another better, works for me,” I add.

 

“Okay,” Alex says, “We’ll leave you to get settled in and pick you up in about an hour.”

 

“No worries,” I pipe up, “I have my dorm fridge already stocked with food to tide you over until then.”

 

Embry looks relieved. “Thanks, Bella. That’s really great of you.”

 

It’s strange seeing him again in person. I’m so free and open with “Email Embry”, but I feel a little awkward with him in real life. For one thing I can’t smell him in emails. Right now it’s taking a lot of willpower for me to not climb back up him and make him hold me there for the rest of the time they’re here.

 

I take them up to my room. Fortunately my roommate is gone for the weekend to visit her family, and she agreed that one of my guests could use her bed as long as I washed the bedding and remade it before she got back late Sunday night. I was able to borrow a cot and extra bedding from other girls on my floor who kept such things on hand for when they hand their younger siblings come up for visits. 

 

“Here we are!” I say gesturing to my home away from home. 

 

* * *

 

Bella shows us into her tiny dorm room. I can immediately tell which side of the room is hers. It smells wonderful. 

 

“Embry, I hope you don’t mind all the girly bedding,” she apologizes, “but it was the best I could do on short notice.” 

 

I shrug. “If Quil can walk around with barrettes in his hair all the time, I think I can manage a few pink stripes on my sheets.”

 

“Oh! Is Claire using him to play beauty shop?? Please tell me you have lots and lots of pictures! And if you do, WHY haven’t you sent me any yet??”

 

Leah whips out her phone. “I got this, Swan,” and Bella’s phone is suddenly chirping with text announcements.

 

“Yay!” she says jumping a little and grabbing her phone from her pocket. “This is just the icing on the top of a very delicious cake. I’m so happy to see you both,” she says again, this time grabbing on to my arm and holding on.

 

I flash a look at Leah who smiles quickly and then I pull Bella in for a hug. Leah says, “I’m going to step outside and call my Mom to let her know we got here safely. I need to walk around a little more. Jake’s stupid rabbit is like a freaking clown car on us.”

 

“Oh, okay! Do you want something to eat or drink before you go?” Bella leaves my arms and goes to the fridge.

 

“Nah. I’ll be back in 20. I want to shower before we go out again anyway.”

 

“I understand. Hey, if it’s any comfort, Alex drives a Suburban.”

 

“Well, Praise the Lord! That’s the best news I’ve heard all day!” Leah jokes.

 

“Even better than being told you’re gorgeous?” Bella coyly asks.

 

Woah. She’s a lot more bold around Leah than she’s ever been before.

 

“Shut up, Swan. We are not turning this into slumber party girl talk time,” and she heads to the door. As she opens it, she smiles over her shoulder back at Bella, “At least not with Embry in the room.” And walks out.

 

“Ha! You got Leah to relax a little! You are magical, Bella!”

 

She shrugs but grabs my hands and leads me over to sit on her bed. Woah. I’m sitting on Bella’s bed. My wolf is not engaging in pure and friendly thoughts right now. Seriously, like being a teenage boy isn’t hard enough. Ugh.

 

We both lean back against the wall but with our sides pressed against each other sitting as close as we can for it to still be considered “next to” and not “on” . I turn my head and notice the bulletin board at the foot of her bed. She has pictures of the whole pack in various groupings. It’s nice to know that we’re a least visually represented here in her new life.

 

“It’s kind of weird that you’re actually here,” she says quietly. “Not bad weird. But like I’m having a hard time reconciling the you I’ve gotten to know in the last couple of months with the actual fact of you.” She scrunches up her nose a little, “I don’t know if I’m saying that right. Did that make sense?”

 

I press into her a little more and feel her relax against me. “Yeah, it makes sense. It’s easier to say things to someone far away who isn’t really part of your every day life, than it is to be vulnerable in person.”

 

I feel her turn and look at me. She slowly reaches up and brushes my slightly shaggy hair from off my forehead. “Embry Call,” she says with wonder and in such a way that I can actually feel my heart squeeze, “when did you get so wise?”

 

She drops her hand and leans back into me. More obviously this time. I’m slouched down enough that her head is on my shoulder. I really don’t want to go anywhere else. Possibly ever. 

 

“Wanna take a power nap with me?” she asks sleepily. “We’ll wake up when Leah gets back.” 

 

Suddenly napping sounds like the best thing I’ve ever heard of, and I’m not entirely sure that this is really happening. Let’s explore the facts of my life so far. I have never A) sat on a bed with a girl who was not a direct relative, B) even been alone in a bedroom with a girl C) been ASKED to lay down next to and sleep with a girl! D) Nevermind getting to do any of those things with THE girl- the only one I want to do them with.

I look at Bella and realize that this is, up to this point in my life, the best day ever.

 

“It’s been so long since I’ve cuddled up with wolf warmth,” she mumbles with her eyes already closed. “The puppies and Jake spoiled me for too long. I can’t sleep right without it.”

 

Okay, so this a wolf thing not a me thing. But, she wants me right now. And I’m here. And I sure as hell want her.

 

I slide my arms around her and lay her down going the right way on her bed, head on her pillow. She rolls over to her side facing away from me, but takes my arm with her and wraps it around her stomach. And then I curl myself around her. I think if she could she would crawl inside of me, that’s how close she pulls me. She sighs contentedly and is almost instantly asleep. I lay there not sure if I can move at all without waking her up. She so small compared to me. I really want to run my hand over the curve of her hip. Feeling up unwilling girls while they are asleep is NOT okay, though. I lay down on the pillow and curve in so my face is over the top of her head. I just breath in her scent and then I fall asleep, too.

 

* * *

 

“Jeez, I leave the room for 15 minutes and already you’re in bed with each other!” Leah yells as the door slams behind her. I jolt straight up with a gasp at her return. I feel Embry behind me on the bed also sitting up. 

 

Our clothes are all on and we’re above the covers, so I know Leah is just teasing me. I’ve done as much as this with her own brother...well, with much less confusing motivations.

 

I smile at Leah. “Towels are on the top shelf of my closet and the shower is in that first door we passed when we got off the elevator.” 

 

“Thanks,” Leah says, grabbing her stuff, the towel and heading back out the door.

 

“That was the best sleep I’ve gotten since I’ve been here,” I say as I nudge Embry. “Thank you. Can I just keep you for the rest of the semester, please?”

 

I look away because I’m skating too close to my actual non-friend feelings right now.

 

Embry chuckles a little and bumps my shoulder with his own. “Pretty sure Sam wouldn’t see being your cuddle-buddy a reasonable excuse to get out of patrols indefinitely. And my Mom would like to see me graduate high school before I go to college.” The smile leaves his face. “You know. If I could go to college.”

 

“I think you should talk to the guys about that- Alex and Victor, I mean. We’ve been keeping it as detail free as possible until you and Leah got here, but I like what little I know about  the system their pack has worked out for letting people go study.” I reach out and hold his hand, “Don’t give up that dream yet, okay?”

 

He smiles a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes all the way, but he looks deeply into mine. Jake used to look at me like that when he kept hoping that we’d magically imprint. Is that what Embry is doing?? 

 

I break the contact and jump off the bread. “Did you want something to eat? Or a shower before we go?”

 

“Uh-yeah. A shower would be great. Do you have anything healthy in that fridge? Leah and I basically existed on beef jerky for 14 hours.”

 

And just like that we’re laughing and smiling together over stories of their road trip, while I cut up an apple for him and hand him a jar of peanut butter for dipping purposes.

 

I cut up another one and hand it to Leah when she gets back to the room.  Embry heads to the shower.

 

“Thanks, Swan, this is nice of you.” 

 

I roll my eyes. “Oh, please, Leah. We both know that watching me is like a full time job. A job you were supposed to NOT have this year since I went away to school. You risk bodily harm on a regular basis, put up with your ex-fiance in your head, and have to listen to your brother’s sexual fantasies every time you phase. And you just drove 14 hours in a very small car all because I find trouble wherever I go. I think the least I can do is cut up a damn apple for you.”

 

Leah lifts one eyebrow at me and then starts laughing.

 

“Hah! Swan, I really like college-you way better than high school-you!”

 

I blush and stammer. “Yeah. Thanks. I’m working on it.”

 

“Well don’t change too much. Sethy will have my hide if you’re not doting over him and the puppies when you get back during break. Speaking of fantasies-”

 

“Don’t say another word! I do NOT want to know anything about Seth other than he is sweet and pure and kind.”

 

“Yeah. Okay. Keep telling yourself that,” Leah chuckles.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

 

Despite what Bella thinks about her ability to find friends, even I have to admit that Alex and Victor seem pretty decent. We have a cookout at a state park about an hour away. We have to pay for a camping spot to get to a fire pit, but whatever. It’s pretty uncrowded because to the native Californians this is cold weather. Wimps.

 

We tell them our legends, they tell us theirs. We describe our phasing. Theirs is really similar except families are told and even warned ahead of time. I’ll have to mention that to Sam. Bella looks vindicated when she hears that. She’s been trying to convince Sam and Billy from the beginning that families should be told. Apparently it can be done without the entire world ending, like our Elders seem to think will happen. 

 

We decide to test out whether we can hear one another or not, so the four of us go into the woods to try it out. Victor and Leah are not even pretending to not check one another out as they undress. Modesty mostly ceases to be a thing once you’ve been a wolf long enough. Before my thoughts can wander to what life might be like if Bella were capable of phasing, I undress and concentrate on the task at hand.

 

No communication telepathically, but we still run and play for a while and generally get a sense of one another’s skills and styles. I’m never willing to get too far from Bella, and Leah seems to feel the same way. I can tell this confuses the guys. When we phase back to human, Alex asks, “Why do you both feel so protective towards Bella? I know she’s not mated and she’s obviously not related.”

 

“You didn’t assume she was my very pale sister?” jokes Leah. Victor leans in and smells her. I didn’t realize sniffing could be seductive, but that wolf clearly has game. He weaves his face around hers and smells her like she is a fine wine. Leah holds her breath in surprise. I must watch and learn. “She doesn’t smell anything like you.” And then he leans away while still staring at Leah. When Paul does stuff like that it seems dirty, but judging by the wicked little smile on her lips, Leah is clearly enjoying Victor’s attentions.

 

“We should let Bella tell her story,” I say, interrupting the lust filled staring contest. Alex rolls his eyes at Victor. “More stories. Let’s go. I’ve been looking forward to hearing Bella’s stories. She’s kept quiet all week waiting for you guys to show up, or someone. She’s surprisingly loyal for not technically being pack.”

 

I growl a little. “Bella  _ is  _ pack. But, yes, loyal is a good word to describe her.”

 

Bella beams at me as we come out from the forest. She looks lovely in the firelight. Okay, I always thinks she looks lovely. Even that time she had a terrible cold and her nose was all red and she was curled up in a ball on the Blacks’ couch with tissues scattered all over the place. I still wanted to scoop her up and take care of her until she got better. But that was back when Jake still “owned” Bella. They were technically still just friends at the time, but Jake guarded her like he was Gollum and she was his Precious.

 

“How’d it go?” she asks.

 

“Good,” I say. “We can’t hear each other, but it was good to try out a few maneuvers and see fighting styles. We could learn things from each other.” I sit down next to her on a log. “We need you to tell your story, Bells, so they understand-”

 

“-so they understand why you’re practically the pack’s mascot,” Leah finishes.

 

Bella grimaces a little. And then sighs. “Yeah. I can see why a little context would help here.”

 

And with that Bella launches into how she met the Cullens, getting folded into their family, lying to Charlie, getting bitten and beaten in AZ, the bloodsucker leaving her in the woods, Sam finding her, the redhead chasing her. Jake putting her back together and then abandoning her until she figured it out. (They laugh at Jake getting around the Alpha order.) She stops after Victoria’s death.

 

It’s Leah who fills in from there “And by then the young wolves were treating her like she was their Mama, and she did date, albeit reluctantly and briefly, our future Alpha. They still love each other nonetheless, and I think we’re just wired to care for the people our pack cares about. She cooked for us all the time and was friends with all the wolves and the imprints by then. Once she got over the leech, Swan was kind of okay to hang around.”

 

Bella smiles shyly at Leah who continues, “Granted, I started liking you way better, Swan, after I didn’t have to watch the Bella channel in Jacob’s head anymore. That boy was obsessed. And you never did more than kiss him. Pathetic.”

 

“Oh, yeah? Are you enjoying the Katie channel more?” Bella quips back. 

 

Leah makes a face. “No. But weirdly he can focus on other things more now, so it’s not all her all the time.”

 

“A mated wolf is a settled wolf,” Alex says from across the fire. “Bella, do all vampires react to your blood the way your Edward did?”

 

“No, he told me my blood was his like his own special brand of heroin. As if was made just for him.”

 

“Uh-huh….” drawls Victor, “and you thought that was sexy?”

 

Bella laughs. “Look, I had some messed up ideas of what love was supposed to be like. I never hung out with people who had their two original parents still happily married, I barely watched tv, and I read books from two centuries ago for fun. High school “love” seemed stupid, and fleeting, and superficial, but I admit that I probably swung a little too far in the other direction. I was an idiot.” She shrugs like it’s no big thing. But I know how long it’s taken her to be able to admit all of this to herself. She’s come a long way in the last year. I’m so proud of her.

 

I add, “Her blood does seem to be particularly tempting to all vamps, though. They all like to comment on it right before we tear them apart.”

 

She flinches and shudders a little. I know it’s not because she’s cold, but I pretend like it is and scoot closer to her. She smiles at me gratefully and leans against me.

 

“Since she doesn’t carry your scent anymore, we should probably fix that,” Alex says.

 

Without knowing I’m doing it, my wolf and I start to growl at him.

 

“Easy there, Embry. I just mean that she should wear something of ours or yours on a regular basis to help keep the bloodsuckers away. We’re sunnier here than Washington, but the Bay area still gets plenty cloudy. Vic and I have only run into really old trails while we’ve been here, but the possibility exists. Also, we’ll stay within hearing distance of her at all times.”

 

“What?” Bella cries. “Bodyguards again?”

 

I look hard at Alex. He seems genuinely concerned only for the sake of protection, nothing else. We can trust these guys. I put my arm around her. “It’s a small campus, Bella. They won’t have to be very close to hear you.”

 

“You won’t even know we’re there, girl,” Victor adds, “We are that smooth.”

 

“But it’s not fair. To you, I mean! You’re here at school to NOT be wolves. You shouldn’t have to worry about the puny human girl. And you said it yourself. There isn’t even an active vampire threat!”

 

Alex looks at her for a minute. “Bella, your Dad is chief of police, right? When he’s on vacation, does he stop being a policeman?”

 

Bella huffs and scowls. She knows what he’s saying, but she clearly doesn’t like it.

 

“No. You’re right. I’m just- I’m so sorry, you guys. I’m this total danger magnet! It really shouldn’t take this much man-and woman,” she adds looking at Leah, “power to keep one measly human alive.”

 

This is where I come in and do what the pack sent me to do. “We will accept the help you offer to care for one of our pack as representatives of the spirit warriors of your tribe. What would you ask of us in return?”

 

Alex looks at me with a measuring glance. “We ask for future consideration. Nothing concrete, but consideration if we ask your warriors for help should the need ever arise. We will offer you the same consideration.”

 

I look at Leah, who nods back at me.

 

“We accept and appreciate you protecting Bella.”

 

“Of course we’ll protect her! She just forged an alliance between our two tribes,” jokes Victor.

 

“Way to make me feel like a political pawn,” Bella gripes.

 

“Well, the other condition of watching you is that you have to marry the son of our chief to seal the alliance,” Alex says seriously.

 

Bella pales. He better be joking.

 

“You weren’t meant for the son of your chief, it doesn’t mean you’re not meant for the son of ours.”

 

“Uh-” She looks at me panicking.

 

Alex starts laughing but moving around the fire towards her “Oh, Bella! You poor thing. The fact that you believed me even for a moment tells me what your life has been like to this point.” He drops down on his knees in front of her. “We freely offer our friendship and strength to protect you. I know we’re not your pack, but we won’t care for you any less because of that.”

 

Bella leans forward to hug Alex. “Thank you.” And then much to my delight, she slaps the back of his head. “Don’t you ever tease me like that again, you big oaf!”

 

“Ow!” Alex rubs the back of his head. “That shouldn’t have hurt! You’re just a tiny human girl How did you hurt me?” 

 

Bella looks smug. “One of the pack, who really doesn’t like me, Paul, taught me. Said even if I was a leech-lover I should still know how to defend myself from a wolf. I think he just wanted to mess with Jake at the time and hoped I’d use it on his future-Alpha if he decided to get a little too frisky with me.”

 

“Hah!” barks Leah, “That’s our Paul! And that explains how you trained those puppies so quickly! They are the best behaved wolves ever.”

 

“New career plan,” jokes Bella, “Obedience School for shifters!”

 

“I’ll buy in as your business partner if you start offering neutering services, too,” Leah says wickedly.

 

The girls laugh as all us guys subtly close our legs and wince at the very thought.

 

\--------------------

 

On the way back to the campus, Leah convinces Victor and Alex to take her out to see the nightlife. I lean in to Embry, “Do you want to go out, too?”

 

“Only if you do,” he whispers.

 

“Not really. I borrowed the dorm’s kitchen again yesterday and made cookies. Can I convince you that cookies, milk, popcorn, and pjs in front of a movie on my laptop makes for a better evening than loud clubs, bars, and parties?” 

 

He smiles down at me. “That sounds perfect, actually.” 

 

Everyone comes up to my room, Leah quickly showers and gets ready for going out while I offer a few cookies to the guys taking up every available inch in my room. Geesh. Two wolves is tight, but three wolves is ridiculous. She comes back 10 minutes later looking like a model. I try to not be jealous at how she can make a pair of dark skinny jeans, a tank top, and some make-up look that good.

 

“Damn, girl,” Victor says. 

 

“So if you guys whistled at her right now, is that still called a ‘wolf whistle’ or would that just be redundant?” I ask.

 

Embry starts cracking up with me. Leah rolls her eyes. “Goodnight, kids! Don’t wait up for Momma!” she calls while heading out the door. Two stunned Cali wolves follow after her and the door closes with a thud.

 

“Yay! Time for pajamas!” I say and run to my dresser. 

 

By the time Embry’s out of the bathroom and changed into a different pair of basketball shorts and a sleeveless t-shirt, I have the food all ready. I try not to think about how beautiful he is, too, while I bustle around the room grabbing my laptop.

 

“What movie do you want?” I ask. “Anything but “Underworld”. And “Waterworld”. And “New World”. Apparently anything with “World” in the title is out!”

 

We pick the latest Marvel movie to hit Netflix and settle in on the bed putting my laptop up on the desk. We’re sort of awkwardly trying to fit on the bed together. I don’t know why it’s so weird now considering we napped together there just fine a few hours ago. After a minute or two of us squirming around trying to not have it feel like there are three extra arms and legs in the bed, Embry picks me up and plops me on his lap.

 

I look over my shoulder at him in surprise. “Better?” he asks with a sweet smile on his face. It melts me a little inside.

 

“Yeah, thanks.” I have to force myself to turn back and look at the screen. Embry’s eyes are so warm to look at. I settle my head back on his chest and he rests his chin on top of it and wraps his arms around my middle. I feel- I feel like I’m home, like right here in this moment, held in the this way by this man- this is what home feels like.

 

I let out a sigh of contentment and I can feel Embry’s smile. He leans down to my ear, “You can sleep if you want to. I promise I’ll turn everything off before I go to sleep. “But I’m still awake,” I protest.

 

“You are. You’re still exhausted, though.” He traces what I know are the dark circles under my eyes and looks at me with tenderness. “You should sleep as much as you can while I’m here.”

 

“But I don’t want to miss any time with you! Um, and Leah. With you and Leah!”

 

Why am I such an idiot?? Why don’t I just tell Embry I’d liked him chained to my bed for the rest of forever, actually? K, thanks!

 

I’m sure that wouldn’t freak out a 17 year old boy at all. I turn and look back towards the screen so my blush isn’t quite as obvious.

 

“Bella?” Embry asks. “I’m right here. I will stay with you while you sleep for as long as I’m here and as long as that’s what you want.”

 

I can’t look at him without telling him everything. instead, I curl back into him. “I want,” I whisper and listen to the beautiful, steady, thumping of his heart.

 

\------------------------

 

She falls asleep quickly after that. 

 

I cuddle her closer as I keep watching the movie. I’m not tired enough yet to go straight to sleep and if I lay down next to her without being dead tired, I will make myself crazy thinking about having to keep my hands to myself. What is wrong with me? I mean, yeah, I’m a guy, but it’s like I forget I have things like morals when I’m around her like this. 

 

My wolf doesn’t care whether I feel sleezy or not. He wants to roll around in Bella’s scent. Fortunately, that I can do. Holding her in her sleep is keeping us both happy right now.

 

When the credits roll, I gently pick Bella up off my lap and lay her down next to me, so I can shut everything down like I promised her. I brush my teeth and put away the leftover food, then send a quick text to Sam letting him know that everything went well, and I will call him with details the next day. I forward the same message to Jake, then send one to my Mom telling her “goodnight”.

 

My Mom was so excited at me coming down to visit a college. I couldn’t bear to tell her it’s not for real, but I do actually have to do a tour tomorrow anyway, just to show my high school teacher. How great would it be to be able to go to college with Bella? My mind drifts into a montage of cliched images of us holding hands walking across campus, eating together in the cafeteria, going to the library together… I shake my head. I can’t think like this. There are thousands of girls here. What if we were doing any of those things and then I looked at them and BOOM there it goes again for Bella.

 

I sigh heavily and look across the room at her sleeping body. I won’t hurt her like that. I will be whatever she needs, and right now she needs me to be a safe friend. She needs someone who will love her best.

 

I turn out the light. and slip onto the bed next to her. She smiles in her sleep as soon as she feels me and rolls towards me. “‘mmmmbry,” she sighs, her face buried in my chest.

 

“Shh, Bella. It’s okay, I’m right here,” I croon while I hold her a little tighter. She squirms closer to me until she’s pushed me onto my back, her head over my shoulder and nose buried against my neck. She’s laying on top of the side of my body. This is new. Not a thing she’s done with the other wolves she’s napped with. I lay very still not sure what to do. 

 

I can feel her little puffs of breath on me as she exhales and my wolf is purring because she’s bathing us in her scent while sleeping. I finally wrap one arm around her waist and hold her against me, and the other one up to stroke through her hair. She relaxes even more against me. “Dear Embry,” she mumbles, “miss you…so much...want….”.

 

I hold my breath waiting to hear what she’ll say next, but that seems to be it. I would give anything to be able to see into her mind right now. Or maybe just her heart. My guess is her mind is a mess of overthinking things. She writes to me in her sleep. How freaking adorable is that??

 

I turn my head and bury my nose in her hair again. “‘Night, Bella. Love you,” I whisper.

 

\----------------------

 

I wake briefly when Leah comes quietly in. I’m embarrassed to see that I’m literally all over Embry. It’s like I was trying to glue our fronts together. Thank goodness he’s asleep and not aware of this. That would be really embarrassing.

 

“Again, with the jumping in bed together?” Leah whispers playfully. 

 

“You know me. Bella the brazen hussy,” I whisper hoarsely, my voice thick with sleep.

 

Leah snorts a laugh louder than she meant to, because even she looks surprised and covers her mouth in shock. Embry stirs and wraps his arms around my middle suddenly rolls us both over away from Leah and towards the wall. “Woah!” I giggle at the sudden maneuver. One minute I’m sitting up looking at Leah and the next minute, I’m wrapped in Embry’s arms staring at the wall next to my bed. 

 

“Um, goodnight, Leah,” I whisper in a giggle. 

 

“ _ He _ certainly seems to think it is,” Leah quips.

  
I close my eyes and smile and cuddle back into Embry’s warm arms where sleep is the most delicious.


	9. Chapter 9

 

Chapter 9

 

**Embry POV**

 

When I wake up to the sunlight streaming through the window, I realize that I’m spooning with Bella, my arms wrapped tightly around her. Just as I panic because I think I’ve effectively trapped her, I realize her arms are wrapped around mine. She’s holding me in place, so I’ll hold her in place. I smile into her hair at the sight and she stirs.

 

As she comes awake, she traces her hand along my arm as if she’s following a trail. Her eyes haven’t opened yet. I loosen my hold on her so she can move. She turns on to her back and then slowly opens her eyes to look right into mine.

 

She smiles a slow, sleepy, content kind of smile. “Good morning,” she says on a breathy exhale, as she closes her eyes again. 

 

“Good morning, Bella.” I smile widely at her. I can’t believe this is my life right now. I slept in the same bed all night with Bella Swan! And she’s happy about it! I really want to kiss her. That would be weird to do the first time with her eyes closed and not expecting it, right? And I have morning breath. Probably not the best first impression. Oh, and I don’t want to ruin everything with her. And just like that we go from happy Embry to sad Embry. 

 

“It’s too early to be morning! Shut up both of you!” I hear Leah just before a pillow hits my back. It doesn’t hurt, but reminds me where and who we are. Bella and I laugh and just like that sad Embry is gone and I’m back to realizing how lucky I am to have this for right now. It’s enough.

 

“Sorry, Leah!” she pretend whispers while scrambling over my legs. “I have to get ready for class. Do you two just want to stay here and sleep more?”

 

“Yesssss,” groans Leah.

 

“Um, actually, can I come to classes with you? I have to also see if I can get a college tour while I’m here, so I can get credit for my class.”

 

“Of course! I’d love to have you come to class with me!” She looks really well rested. My wolf takes no small amount of pride in that. _ “WE did that!” he boasts. _

 

I’m again inclined to agree with him. She grabs clothes out of her drawers and heads to the bathroom. And then it’s my turn. Afterwards, we quietly head down to the cafeteria for breakfast. It’s a beautiful, sunny day again. Bella hasn’t stopped smiling since she woke up. I guess that good night’s sleep really helped her mood, too.

 

She grabs a carton of milk and a blueberry muffin for herself as soon as we walk into the caf. But there is food everywhere! There is unlimited amounts of cereal and milk! Toasters surrounded by loaves of bread, bagels, and muffins! A whole table where a guy in a chef hat is making omelettes to order! All different types of cut up fruit set up salad bar style! 

 

“Is your wolf doing a happy, yet hungry, dance right now?” Bella whispers, knowingly. I nod as if in a daze and start piling high the tray she’s placed in my hands.

 

“Bella, where are the prices for everything?”

 

“Oh, no prices. There is just a cost per meal. All of this is included, but only on one trip, so you can’t come back through over and over.”

 

“This is what heaven must be like,” I say. Bella and food. Sounds like heaven to me!

 

She swipes her meal card twice for both of us and we head to a table. “How do you even ever bother going to class?? I would just stay here and eat all day!”

 

She laughs her beautiful laugh. “I’ll eat a bigger lunch, but I’m not usually that hungry first thing in the morning. This is just so I can concentrate in class.” She holds up her blueberry muffin.

 

“Puny human,” I say, and shovel food into my mouth.

 

She pulls out a book.

 

“Whaf yur firft cass?” I ask around the toast with jelly I’ve shoved in my mouth.

 

She arches her eyebrow up at me. “If your question was ‘What’s my first class?’ than the answer is my Women Writers class. I love it. And the teacher! She’s opened my eyes to so many things that I hadn’t considered before about my favorite books, or what used to be my favorite books. They still have a place, but I look at them a little differently now.”

 

“Will she be nice to me even though I’m a boy?” I’ve had a few teachers who just really seemed to prefer girl students, and someone teaching a class on Women Writers sounds dangerous.

 

“Is the Big Bad Wolf afraid of the tiny professor?” she teases.

 

I don’t answer and instead scowl at her while I shove a cinnamon bun in my mouth. I LOVE college so far!

 

“There are lots of guys in the class, she’s not like whatever it is you’re imagining. Speaking of which, though, you should finish eating so we can get there a bit early and introduce you to her as a courtesy.”

 

I finish my omelette in 3 bites, wipe my mouth, and pick up my now empty tray to return it.

 

I walk next to Bella and she surprises me when she slips her hand around my arm. I flex my bicep a little more with her hand sitting right there. I feel like I’m escorting her to a ball, not to class.

 

“College is the best!” I say cheerfully as we walk.

 

“Yeah,” she says glancing at me quickly and then back ahead of her, “Sometimes it’s pretty great.”

 

\--------------------------------

**Bella POV**

 

Having Embry with me all day was great. It was like my two worlds were- not colliding- but coming together just right. Like pieces of a puzzle.

 

_ He’s meant to be in your life.  _ Came a thought as I was feeling him sitting next to me in my writing class.  _ He feels more right with you than anyone ever has. _ He heard my sharp intake of breath and looked over at me concerned.  _ Shut up, brain! I’m not his imprint, so it doesn’t matter. _

 

I smiled, shook my head, and focused back on my professor.

 

Once the thought was there, though, I had a hard time letting it go. I watched him carefully throughout the rest of the day. Everything he did and said to me and the people around him, felt so right. Being with him while he had all these new experiences felt comfortable, not crazy hyper fun, not gosh-I’m-so-obsessed-it-must-be-love, not i’m-not-happy-with-anyone-else-and-you-keep-asking-so-I-might-as-well-date-you. I was happy. I was happy being me AND being with him. Not happy  _ because _ I was with him. It was as if Embry was enhancing all the things I like about myself, and just didn’t care about the stuff I don’t like about myself, which made it easier for me to not care.

 

I return to my dorm around 4. Leah is lounging on the bed with a bowl full of popcorn and my copy of “An Abundance of Katherines”. 

 

“Hey, Swan,” she says without looking away from the book. “Where’s your shadow?”

 

“On a tour. He’ll be back in an hour and then we’re heading to his new favorite place in the world, The Mighty College Cafeteria,” I say while fanning my hands out magician-style. “Isn’t that book funny?” I say while unpacking my laptop and books from my bag onto my desk.

 

“The footnotes are a riot! I haven’t really taken time to read anything since I phased. I kind of forgot how much I liked it.”

 

She puts the book down and stretches.

 

“So, did you have fun last night with the boys?” I ask.

 

“Actually, I really did. It was nice to hang out with guys ‘in the know’ who aren’t also in my head.”

 

“Makes you feel a little emotionally safer, doesn’t it?” I ask.

 

She looks sharply at me. Right. Despite the little relaxation that’s gone on in the last day between Leah and I, we’re still not exactly friends, and I need to remember that.

 

“Remember, Leah? I was the only one whose thoughts Edward couldn’t read. I know how nice it is to not have someone in your head. I don’t know how it feels the other way, but I understand the safety of having a mental shield.”

 

She looks long at me and then nods. “Yeah. That’s really it. Sometimes, Swan, I can see what all these guys see in you.”

 

“Shut up,” I say and throw a pillow at her head. “So, which one did you have more fun with? Cuz Victor walked out of here looking like he wanted you for dessert.”

 

“Bella Swan!,” Leah says with surprise shock, “I can not believe you would even suggest anything more than a friendly working relationship between this female and those two wolves.”

 

I merely lift one eyebrow at her. It’s seriously the coolest ability I have! I’ve actually considered eventually doing my masters degree in library science just because I already have the librarian stare down.

 

And it works, just like always. She breaks into a grin, “They’re both very easy on the eyes and great to hang with. Alex was a total gentleman, and Victor…” she trails off like she’s not sure how to put it into words.

 

“Makes you feel desired?” I ask, drawing out the word in what I hope is a sultry way. Sultry isn’t really my thing, so I don’t know if I’m pulling it off or not.

 

She snaps her eyes back to me again. “Damn, Swan, it’s like you’re in my head, too!”

 

“No. I just noticed. He seems really open with his emotions. Sort of the anti-Sam.” She chuffs a laugh at Sam’s name. Better than flinching, I guess. “And you respond to him. Like you might be ready for.. _.something _ .”

 

“I don’t know how much of ‘something’ I might be ready for, Swan, but it was nice to go out dancing with a couple of hot guys and have even the possibility of  _ something _ .”

 

Neither one of us says the stupid “I” word. We’ll just pretend like that’s not a thing. Well, sort of. I can’t really pretend it all away. Leah is stronger than me. She’s survived a much worse relationship meltdown. I will be watching with interest how she and Victor proceed. If she’s brave enough to take the risk, maybe I could be. I know I’m stronger than I was after Edward. But am I that strong?

 

\-------------------------

**Embry POV**

 

I let myself back into the dorm room after my tour to see Bella reading on her bed with Leah curled up at the other end reading a book. They look almost...friendly? Like they’re comfortable with one another at least.

 

“Shut your mouth, Call, you’re catching flies,” Leah says from her spot on the bed and without looking up from the pages of the book.

 

“Embry!” Bella’s face lights up when she looks up at me. My heart feels likes it might burst right out of my chest every time she looks at me like that. It’s like she thinks I’m the best thing ever. The wolf is immediately prancing inside. “How was it?” she asks while moving her book off of her lap and getting off the bed.

 

“It was great,” I say, picking her up in a hug. “It makes me wish I weren’t just pretending.”

 

Bella pulls back a bit to look at my face, “Oh, Embry. I’m sure you’ll be able to figure something out. You’re so smart. We’ll figure something out for you.”

 

It’s too much to hope for. All the things I really want most are too much to hope for because it might break me if I can’t have them. Being able to hope for them feels better than knowing that they are for sure, absolutely, NEVER going to happen.

 

Bella squeezes me tighter. “Hey, you. Come back.” She looks into my eyes and finally seems satisfied that I’m back in the present. Being wrapped in my head right now is a waste when one of my most hoped for things is literally at my fingertips.

 

“Shall we feed the hungry wolves?” Bella asks Leah while going back to the bed to pack her books and laptop away. “Do you want me to call the other guys to join us?” she asks tauntingly.

 

I move right next to Bella to protect her from Leah’s wrath, when Leah surprises me by winking at Bella. “Sure, Swan. Hanging out with them sure would be  _ something. _ ”

 

And then Bella laughs. I have no idea what is going on here. Leah doesn’t have friends. Let alone girl friends. 

 

“Relax, Embry, I’m not going to kill the birdie. We have an understanding.”

 

Bella looks at me in question and I sheepishly relax my posture. I was poised to protect.

 

“Aw, thank you, Embry for trying to protect me from my favorite bitch.”

 

I tense again, because I’m sure that NOW Leah’s going to kill her. 

 

Instead Leah throws back her head and laughs. “Seriously, Swan, college has been the BEST for you! You are way better to hang out with now!”

 

“Please stop pouring on the compliments, Leah, my head will swell.”  And then they both burst out with “That’s what he said!” and start snorting in laughter and link arms to walk down the dorm hall towards the stairs.

 

I’ve officially entered the twilight zone.

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

 

Chapter 10

 

When we get back from dinner, Embry asks if I can put all my clean clothes all over both beds.

 

I have no idea what he’s talking about, until Leah says, “Oh, yeah, that’s a smart way to do it. It will last for a while that way.”

 

So, I begin unpacking my drawers and laying things all over the beds. Embry and Leah each lay down on my clothing and roll around over it while I stand there and giggle.

 

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate what you’re doing right now,” I say when Leah shoots me a dirty look, “but I was just thinking about how I could possibly explain what’s happening right now if my roommate were to walk in.”

 

“That’s probably enough,” Embry says, getting up from my bed. “I’ll help you put these away and then you can get things out of your closet for the same special treatment.”

 

“No, I’ll do it!” I say. I don’t really want Embry touching my underwear. Him seeing the pretty things would make me blush, but I definitely don’t want him seeing the ratty granny panties I keep around for certain times of the month. 

 

Embry looks a little flustered as he looks down at the bed and realizes that he was just rolling around in my underwear. “Oh...um, okay.” He stammers.

 

I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable, so I distract him and ask him if he can start getting the things from my closet.

 

“Sure,” he replies quickly and goes to my closet. Luckily, there’s nothing more than a couple of dresses and a bunch of shirts in there.

 

Leah pipes up, “Hey, Call, when we get home, be sure to drop into conversation with Jake that you’ve gotten further with Bella than he has. At least you had your hands all over her underwear while in her bed.”

 

I blush, and Embry growls and tenses up at Leah, but stops in surprise when he sees me laughing. 

 

“Oh my goodness, can you imagine?? He’ll be livid! Don’t even think about that Leah! I like Embry’s face just the way it is.” And I wink at him hoping to calm him down.

It’s moments like these I am reminded that he’s only 17. While he has life and death responsibilities, he’s also a teenage boy. Maybe this is all new to him. I don’t know if Embry’s ever had a girlfriend. He’s never mentioned it. He’s always been so calm and even before, but maybe that was just because I didn’t know him as well. He seems a little more temperamental. He’s still way more in control than the average wolf, but it’s almost as if he feels unsettled about something.

 

Once upon a time Jake would have been mad at Leah’s comment because he had me on a pedestal and claimed he was in love with me all the time. In truth, he really was incredibly kind and sweet and honestly, I don’t think I would have snapped out of my Cullen-induced funk as quickly without him, pathetic as that is. But my love and his love were not on equal footing. It’s so much better now that he and Katie are imprinted. He and I can love each other as best friends or even like really close relatives. It makes my heart happy. So, now if Embry were to say what Leah just suggested, Jake would beat him to the ground in defense of my “honor”, not out of jealousy.

 

\-----------------

  
  


I am completely out of my depth here. I want to kill Leah for the underwear comment. I don’t like it when she embarasses Bella, and talking about like Bella is some trophy or accomplishment? That’s wrong. How dare she talk about her like that? And reminding me again that Jake was there first, or  _ not _ in this case, is not making me any happier. Okay. Actually, I am glad Jake wasn’t there first. I’m kind of jealous like that. I’d like to blame the wolf, but I think that the human part of me is a little more caveman than I would actually like anyone to know. This is kind of a disturbing thing to realize about myself.

 

And then Bella starts laughing, and I really have no idea what is going on. Bella three months ago would not have laughed at that kind of comment. But she’s clearly not offended by Leah and she says she likes my face! And just like that, I relax. 

 

I don’t know what to do with all of my emotions right now. At home, I can burst into a wolf if it gets to be too much. I don’t really have that option at the moment. And I don’t want to appear like a toddler throwing a tantrum and storm out of the room over apparently nothing. Being around Bella, but not being entirely sure where I stand with her is making me and my wolf crazy. I tamp it down, though. It’s easier as I grab all the clothes from her closet and try to surreptitiously smell them while I carry them the few steps to the bed, so I’m wrapped in her smell for a moment.

 

She’s got the bed cleared again, so I carefully begin to lay these across as she moves over to Leah’s bed to put away those clothes. And then I lay down again on the bed, close my eyes, and breathe deeply. I hear giggling after a moment. And then, “Oh, Emmmbryyyyy!”

 

My eyes fly open just in time to see Bella launch herself up in the air like she’s going to land on top of me. This was not an “I’m going to seduce Embry and make all of his fantasies come true” kind of move. This was more a “Quil made me watch too many clips of WWF wrestling last summer and now I think I can tackle wolves” move.

 

This is when wolf reflexes are handy. I roll quickly to my side and she lands on the mattress with a groan. She looks up at me accusingly. “You moved!”

 

“Yes, I did. I like all my organs where they are, thank you, and the trajectory your knees were following was definitely going to relocate a few.”

 

“Hmph. You’re no fun.”

 

I grin at her. “I guess not.”

 

“Sorry, I just couldn’t resist the opportunity when you were lying there so peacefully. Remember over the summer when I would do that to Quil every time he tried to take a nap?” She giggles at the memory. “It was the only way to get him to stop showing me those awful videos all the time.”

 

Elbows on the mattress, she props her head up in her hands “Do you guys have to leave tomorrow. Really?”

 

I nod. “Yeah. I’m already behind in school and even though my absences are excused, the work isn’t. I can’t afford having too much extra to make up. Especially with all the patrols I’m going to have to make up.”

 

Is it wrong that it makes me really happy to see her sad that we’re leaving?

 

“Want to go for a walk? I am all riled up,” she says sitting up. “Leah? Walk?”

 

“Enough with the dog references, Swan,” Leah snarks while checking her phone. “Can’t. I’m meeting up with Victor for my own college tour. I’m exploring the possibility of starting school. So, he’s going to show me around and tell me the details of how their pack does it.”

 

“Leah! That would be awesome! Here? Would you come here, too??” Bella is genuinely excited at the thought of Leah. She really must be lonely down here.

 

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves now. I’m just looking into it for now.”

 

I don’t say anything, but inside I am quivering with hope over this idea. If Leah can do it, than surely the rest of us would be able too as well someday.

 

Bella glances over at me, and I must be showing something in my expression, because she instantly brushes my cheek and smiles at me with understanding.

 

“Come on, Embry. Let me put away my clothes and we’ll go for a walk.”

 

“Okay, let me just call my Mom first?”

 

“Oh, of course. If you want some privacy, there’s a lounge right next to the elevators.”

 

“Yeah. Thanks. Come by there when you’re done. I’ll be ready to go.”

 

I head down the hall. I might be able to actually go to college, too. I’m not lying to my Mom about this weekend. I was actually checking out a school!

 

She answers on the second ring, “Hey, Mom! I love it here!”

\----------------------

 

Leah is quiet when Embry leaves.

 

“He’s being awfully mercurial lately. Hopefully just those teenage hormones and he’ll get over it soon,” she finally says.

 

“I think it’s more that that, Leah. I think being here has been really hard on him. Like being a construction worker for a hotel that you’ll never be able to afford to go to. Just because his Mom slept with a guy with a wolf gene, he suddenly can’t go to college.”

 

“No!” Leah says suddenly angry. “Because your precious bloodsuckers came back, all of us had our lives screwed up!”

 

Woah. I feel like she’s slapped me. Here is the Leah I’m accustomed to. Okay. This is the Leah I was expecting to deal with. And actually I had kind of a speech all worked out months ago to tell her, but I was always too chicken to say it. I guess now’s the time.

 

“It’s true. I’m sorry that their presence in Forks did that to you. I didn’t know they even knew about wolves when I knew them. Not that I knew that I knew about the wolves at the time, either.”

 

She drops her head down. “I know. And I know I shouldn’t take it out on you.”

 

“But I’m right here and you don’t have to worry about a treaty with me, so you and your wolf see me as an available target.”

 

“Have you always been this insightful, Swan? Because it’s seriously starting to freak me out a little,” Leah complains.

 

“Leah, I’m going to get girly for a moment. So sit on the bed and don’t say anything until I’m done, okay?”

 

Leah looks deeply suspicious but sits on the bed. i take a deep breath because she seriously might kill me after I get all this out.

 

“You got the worst end of pretty much everything in this whole supernatural nonsense and yet you have still managed to function. Leah, you are strong, and brave, and beautiful, and intelligent.”

 

“You’re not really my type, Swan,” Leah interjects trying to deflect with sarcasm.

 

“Shut up, Leah. It’s still my turn to talk.”

 

She closes her mouth in surprise.

 

“And while you still scare the hell out of me most days, I also really look up to you. What did I do when I got dumped by a guy? I went comatose for a couple of months and scared everyone. What did you do? You sucked it up and learned how to be a good wolf. You immediately protected your brother and mother and pack brothers and tribe even while you were dealing with your Dad’s death. And then you protected me, too, even though you hated me. Leah, you are amazing! And if you have to let off some anger at the whole thing sometimes, I’m okay with you directing some of that my way. I know you phasing isn’t my fault, but I’m the closest thing you’ve got to the Cullens, so you’re allowed one snap a day at me. You may save them up in a week and be nice to me for six days and terrible on the 7th; that’s fine, too. And it’s not because I’m being masochistic. It’s because I can take it, and you need to get it out. I’m a safe person to do that with now. Although, ask Paul, my slapping technique is getting better, so don’t push your luck,” I joke lamely.

 

She sits staring at me.

 

“Okay. You can talk now,” I say as I feel my courage leave me. Leah is looking at me like every inch of the ferocious warrior she is. And then I notice her chin tremble just a bit. I look away, because I’m sure that she does not want me to see her cry.

 

“You are full of surprises sometimes, Swan,” she manages. Her phone chirps with a text alert. “Victor is on his way. I’m going to go meet him downstairs.”

 

And just like that she stands up and walks out of my room. She stops the door before it slams, though, and ducks her head back in the room. I look up at her, she meets my gaze and says, “Thank you, Bella. I needed that.” And then steps out and lets the door close.

 

I exhale in relief that she let me talk to her like that. And then smile as I get the beds all cleared off from my clothes and get my sneakers on for a walk with my most favorite wolf on this campus.

 

\-------------------

 

We have to leave early the next morning. Bella walks with us down to the car, carrying bags of food for us to eat on the road. “Please text me as soon as you get home, so I know you made it safely,” she says.

 

I smile and put my arm around her. I slept in her bed again last night. Bella Swan invited me to her bed again! While my teenage brain can imagine other things I’d like to do with her there, falling asleep and waking up with her in my arms seems like it would be really hard to beat right now. I suddenly feel like I understand every sappy love poem ever written. I’m a mess.

 

“I just worry,” she practically whispers.

 

“I promise I’ll text you, Bella.”

 

“Well, see ya around, Swan. Thanks for the hospitality,” Leah quickly says while opening the car and loading her backpack and the food in.

 

“My pleasure, Leah. And thank you for making the trip.”

 

Leah does not make eye contact. This is much more status quo for the two of them, and even though Bella looks slightly disappointed at Leah’s behavior, she also seems understanding.

 

I let go of Bella for a moment to put my bag in the backseat. When I turn back around, her eyes are shiny like she’s about to cry.

 

“Bella?” I step closer, and she throws her arms around my middle.

“I’m going to miss you so much, Embry. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being here.”

 

“Hey, I told you last year that I’d help you in any way, Bella.” I do not add that it’s because I love her. She must know that, though, right? I feel like the whole world must know that.

 

“I know you did. But I didn’t think that included driving thousands of miles to negotiate with other wolves.”

 

I chuckle. “Well, that’s true. At the time, I was thinking more if you needed help hanging up a shelf or something, but this works, too.” 

 

I feel her laugh as she buries her face into my chest. I lean down to kiss her head. “Goodbye, Bella Swan. Try to stay out of trouble. We’ll see you in six weeks for a feast!”

 

Letting go of her and having her pull away from me is one of the worst things I've ever had to do. My wolf is already incredulous at the thought that I'm about to go away from her. I agree with him again. This sucks. I really want to tell her that I love her and that I don't want to leave. But I can't say those things. It's not fair. I pull her in for one more hug, and one more kiss on the hug and then force myself to get in the car. I don't even turn back to look at her until my seat belt is on and Leah is actually driving away. 

The sight of her smiling and waving makes me smile, but the burning in my chest is there, too. Leah has the decency to pretend she can't smell the couple of tears that leak from my eyes as I close my eyes and pretend to go to sleep in the passenger seat.

  
  


\-----------------

 

Letting go of Embry and saying goodbye is one of the worst things I’ve had to do in a long time. It was only the sight of how ridiculous he and Leah looked folded up inside the rabbit that made me laugh instead of cry as they pulled away. It really did look like a clown car for them.  Even though I'm smiling, the tears that were threatening to fall went ahead and did so. But it's okay. I feel loved by people I love . 

 

It’s a beautiful morning, so I go for a slow walk around campus before I have to go study for my first quiz of the week. Leah hadn’t come back to the room until quite late last night and she was in a more somber mood. She simply nodded hello to me as I sat up and peeked over Embry’s body. I hope I didn’t overstep my boundaries too far with her. I really do admire her. 

 

I still feel a little like Embry is with me. Sleeping wrapped up in him my is my new favorite thing. 

  
I wish he was mine for real.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, Bella and Embry are two teenagers who are figuring things out. That includes learning how to communicate their feelings better. I promise this moment is a tiny bump in the road for these two.

\--------------------

 

Chapter 11

 

_ Dear Embry, _

 

_ You and Leah are heading back home as I type this and I miss you both so much already. I know I already said it, but having you here felt like home. Tell Leah that if she’s serious about coming here next semester, I have some classmates who live off campus who have been looking for another housemate. It’s not like Leah and I have ever been friends, but it would be nice to have a familiar face. In this case a familiar face who is a total hottie and can effectively kick the backside of any other supernatural creature nearby would be nice. Besides, Victor hasn’t stopped asking about her since you both left. I think he has a little crush on our Lee-Lee. _

 

_ Please don’t tell her I called her that. She might kill me. For all that I respect Leah as a powerful woman, she still scares me half to death. _

 

_ I don’t know if you would ever be allowed to come, too, but it would be so nice to see you every day. Thanks for coming here. I know it was done out of (in my opinion, unnecessary) worry, but I’m glad nonetheless. I miss you so much already, Embry. _

 

_ I know you and the UC wolves already ironed things out, but they seem very committed to keeping an eye out for me. They don’t hang out with me for now, but I know they’re nearby. I like this idea of wearing something from you guys, too, so I always smell like wolf just in case any sparkly creatures get a passing whiff of my apparently delicious blood. Granted you guys are all so huge, that the whole school is going to think that my signature look is wearing shirts that are 12 sizes too big for me. Still, I keep sniffing the shirt you left for me. (Thanks for that. It was a nice surprise to find it when I got back to my dorm!)  Everytime I do, it’s like you and Leah are with me still, and it makes me relax and smile. Don’t worry. I won’t relax too much. Alex has me still going to those self defense lessons this week and is making me go to a class on Saturday about generally staying safe on campus.  _

 

_ And there goes my social life. (I know, what social life?) But seriously, who is ever going to ask out the girl with 2 hulking natives always near her? Nobody. Not that I’m looking to date anyone. At least nobody here. After the complete debacles of my last 2 dating experiences, I should just know better, right? What would I do with a normal human, anyway? _

_ I know how much some of you hate imprinting, and I get that. But apparently when I love, I love all in, you know? I don’t hold anything back which is how I end up so gutted when it ends. [Okay, Jake and I weren’t like this, but if I weren’t allowed to keep him as a friend, THAT’S when you would have seen gutted, stupid, zombie Bella the2nd!] I don’t know how to love any other way, Embry. But with imprinting, you don’t have to be afraid to love with everything you have, because the other person is equally “in”. What I’m trying to say, is while I understand everyone’s objections to it, I think for me it would almost be a relief. But no imprinting for palefaces. And no dates for this particular Bella as long as sexy goons 1 and 2 are hanging about. Unless it’s someone who already knows how to deal with Alex and Victor. So, we’re back to my life as a cat owner. _

 

_ Miss you, Embry. So much. _

_ Bella _

 

\------------------------

I half hope he reads between the lines to understand that I want him and only him. And the other half hopes that he doesn’t understand at all because what if he doesn’t want me. I don’t want to lose the friendship we have by making things awkward between us. Being with him the last couple of days has made me realize that I don’t want to not be with him. And if as a friend is the only way, I will take it.

 

Maybe I could just love him for as long as it’s possible. Maybe I could be happy with just that.

Maybe I could live with the fear that he’ll look across the room one day and forget that he loves me.

 

Even just imagining such a thing makes my heart hurt. But I think that if Embry wants me, and that if he’s willing to try, I could take courage in his courage.

 

I look at the clock and realize I need to book it to get to my class on time. Crap! I hate being late for class!

\-------------------------

 

Today has been awful. My Mom caught me sneaking out to patrol at 4 am. Leah and I had to get right back in the rotation as soon as we got back.  And of course Mom grounded me again. Told me she felt betrayed. That she’d really thought that this college trip was helping to turn me around, but now she doesn’t even know if there was a college trip. Maybe I was lying about that, too, since I can’t even give her a decent reason for why I was sneaking out in the middle of the night right now. I hate disappointing her. I called Sam first thing this morning and he said he’d switch patrols around so I don’t have to run as many night shifts as long as I promise to take someone else’s if I get a chance when my Mom’s not around. 

 

I couldn’t sleep at all during the day because of school. I’d already missed days and had to make up assignments and get notes and I was so far behind in chemistry! I’m exhausted. Road trips are ridiculously tiring considering all you do is sit in a car.  And then I had to hide from Alisha and Tawna again. You think they’d take a hint. They never paid attention to me before I looked like the wolf, and a guy certainly wouldn’t be after them for their sparkling personalities or brains. I ended up trying to hide in the supply closet, but when I ducked in there, I literally bumped into Jared and Kim. Jared went a little nuts since I interrupted them having an intimate moment. You’ve heard that you shouldn’t approach an animal while it’s eating, well...let’s just say that goes for other activities, too.

 

So, a few punches later I stumbled back out into the hallway and right into the very females I’d been trying to avoid in the first place. My wolf was feeding the mad right then after getting into it with Jared, so when Tawna put her arms around me I almost phased. Luckily, Jake and Paul came running. Paul grabbed the girls and Jake grabbed me and threw me out the closest door to the outside.

 

“Go run it off, man. I’ll tell them you’re sick and had to go home,” Jake called as I ran.

 

I couldn’t even say anything. I just ran. It was stupid how upset I’d gotten over something so minor, but I seem to have less control not more these days. What is wrong with me?

 

As soon as I reached the trees, I stripped and phased. 

 

“Embry, what are you doing here?” I heard Sam ask in my mind.

 

I showed him what happened. And also my confusion about having a short temper.

 

“You take patrol for the next hour. Run it out of your system. Then either go home and sleep or get to the library.”

 

“Library? Why?” I love going to the library, but I wasn’t sure why Sam thought of it as part of this.

 

“Because you’re always calmer after being there.”

 

My mind flashed checking my email to see if Bella sent anything yet.

 

“Ah. So that’s why you like it so much.”

 

“That’s not the only reason!” I growled defensively. I wasn’t in the mood for a lecture from Sam telling me that I needed to not think of Bella like that.

 

“I know. I get it. Libraries are good. Sort of like the forest out here. Here we are surrounded by beauty, memories, ideas and life. It can sooth your soul or inflame it to greater heights and passions. A library can do much the same thing, but instead the trees have printed words on them. And the  _ words  _ soothe, inspire, or inflame.”

 

“Dude. Sam, you’re a poet, man.”

 

A wry chuckle from him, then “I loved school. I loved all the studying and flexing my mind. This is not the way I expected life to turn out.”

 

I could see Sam with his head buried in books and a feeling of determination and happiness. He quickly wiped it away and replaced it with a picture of Emily smiling up at him as if he was the best thing in the world. He was radiating love now.

 

“Not what I expected, but certainly not bad.”

 

“You’re a good guy, Sam.”

 

“Heh. Thanks, Embry. I’ll phase out and let you finish up this patrol. You feeling a little better?”

 

“Yeah, thanks.”

 

I spent the rest of my patrol trying not to feel sorry for myself and wondering if Sam was my brother. I was going to have so much work to make-up from the classes I was missing today on top of the classwork I still need to finish from when I was gone. Ugh. No rest for the weary wolf. 

 

As soon I walk into the library, I feel myself start to relax. I hope there’s a message from Bella. It’s true. They totally make my day. My wolf misses her scent. I wonder if I can convince her to send me something of hers. That would be creepy, though… Must not ask Bella to send me her scent.

 

Must not remember sleeping with her curled into my side. Must not want her as bad as I do.

 

Must check email.

 

I quickly log on and yes, a message! 

 

I greedily devour her words and feel my blood begin to boil.

 

What? She wants to date? She’s jealous she can’t imprint? So any wolf will do, huh?

 

I guess that was all just me. She doesn’t want me! She’s as bad as those other girls. She loves the wolf, not the man.

 

I can feel my wolf getting agitated as I get angry. He doesn’t care if the man is offended, but he’s mad about her wanting to be with other males. “OURS!” he growls.

 

I’m starting to shake and I finally understand the expression “seeing red”. 

 

I type quickly so I can get out of there.

  
  


_ B, _

 

_ What the hell?? Poor white college girl can’t imprint, huh? Can’t date because we don’t want you to die, so you get protection? What about us?? We always live with the possibility of imprinting, so we can’t date either! None of us want to ever hurt a girl the way you and Leah were hurt, so we just don’t date! You will get zero pity from me on this one, B! Zero. I’m sorry you’re so lonely there at college where you get to spend all day learning and working towards a degree, but I’m not sorry you’re safe and that you have friends who care enough to want to keep you alive. Isn’t that a small price to pay for a lack of sex? _

 

_ E _

 

\-----------------------------

 

I’m so happy when I see the message from Embry light into my email. I wait until I can be alone to read it. Will he have realized what I was quietly admitting to him? His messages have become special. Even more so since having him here with me. I miss him so much. I mean I miss all of them, but Embry is- just so him. I’m not sure anyone has ever been so genuinely kind towards me. He’s just a beautiful person inside and out. And when he was here, it felt like…

 

Well, it felt like I really want it to.

 

I hurry back to my room to read the message.

 

My smile fades as I read his reply and I suddenly feel cold inside. I wrap one arm around my middle and the other covers my mouth as I try to muffle a sob. I haven’t felt this empty inside since- 

 

A knock on my door makes me turn away from the glow of the computer screen and Embry’s cruel words.

 

Alex comes rushing in, “Bella, are you okay?? Are you hurt?”

 

I slam my laptop shut and push it away from me like it’s a snake that might bite me.

 

My heart hurts. I’m so stupid. I thought I could tell him anything. I thought he understood me. I thought he would understand what I was trying to say. Or if he didn’t… I don’t know. I didn’t expect this! Instead, it feels like he just punched me in the gut. I guess I only imagined he felt what I was feeling while he was here.

 

“Hey, little sister. Shhh,” Alex croons as he puts an arm around me. “Tell me why you’re sad.”

 

I can’t speak at first. I try the words out in my head until I can. “Embry hates me,” I whisper into his shoulder.

 

Alex shakes his head. “I know that’s not true. I don’t know him that well, but that boy cares about you a lot.”

 

“Not anymore. Maybe not ever. I thought- I mean, I thought he did. But I made him so mad at me,” I manage before I feel my chin start to quiver again.

 

“Shh. You had a fight. It will be okay. Friends fight sometimes. Do you want to tell me what it’s about?”

 

I shake my head and sniff while trying to blindly grab for a tissue. “No. Not right now. Maybe someday. I just need- I just need to process. I need to be better about figuring out what I need to accept blame for and what is the fault of others. I’m really bad at that, so I just need to think about it for a while and figure this out. Thanks, Alex. I appreciate you checking on me.”

 

“No problem, Chum.” He squeezes me again as I swat his chest. “Chum” is the lovely name Alex and Victor came up with for me. Not chum, as in “friend” like other people might think of, but chum as in all the nasty leftover fish pieces that get used as bait. Because I am vamp bait. They think they are hysterical. Leah told them all about using me to catch Victoria and the couple of other vamps she’d created to help with the project. Victor thought my leaving a trail for them was genius, but unfortunately it was also the inspiration for my gross new nickname.

 

I roll my eyes and stand up. “I am going to go for a run. Do you mind? I know my run is a stroll for you, but i’m no good for homework right now. And if I stay here, I’ll cry.” 

 

He shrugs. “Sounds good to me. Inside or outside?”

 

I hate the treadmill, but it does mean that The AV club (my insulting nickname for them, although they are about as far from the geeky kids in the Audio/Visual Club as they could possibly be. And actually I was totally friends with all of those kids anyway, so it’s less insulting and more affectionate on my end.) can get a decent workout in. I hop on the treadmill and they can work all over the gym and still keep an eye on me. It’s getting dark anyway.

 

“Gym, I guess. Let me just get changed and we can walk over to your dorm so you can change, too.”

 

Alex gets up. “You’re gonna be okay, Bella,” he says with a hand on my shoulder. I can’t talk yet or I’ll cry. He seems to understand I’m not going to respond. “I’ll meet you downstairs.” And he leaves my room.

 

My eyes fill up again when I glance at my computer. I pick up my pillow. It still smells like Embry. I take a long inhale and hug it to me. It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t want me. And I can’t want him. Just my reaction today shows me how in over my head I am. I hoped. I just hoped after he was here with me that maybe..

 

But neither man nor wolf wants me.

 

I jam my feet into my sneakers. It shouldn’t matter. I’m not going to be a zombie again over a boy. I’m not that girl anymore. I’m going to go for a run and I’m going to study and maybe go to a party or two. I’m going to get to know some new people. People who are human and here and don’t mind the giant AV Club who lurk nearby.

 

That all sounds exhausting and I start to wrap my arms around myself again.  _ Sigh. _ No! I’m not doing this again! I might not do all the other things, but I’m going to run right now. I will be healthier about this emotional setback. That’s all it is. A setback. I’ll be okay.

 

I do 3 miles on the treadmill while mulling over the whole thing. What if Embry was mad at me saying I wanted to date people? Did he not realize that I meant him? No, that can’t be what upset him. That would be too good to be true. I’m suddenly too tired to run. I slow down the treadmill to a walk so I can cool down and then go stretch. I try to just lose myself in the feel of my tired muscles. I feel the heat next to me and open my eyes to a giant sweaty Victor looking down over me.

 

“Hiya, handsome,” I can’t help but smile around him.

 

“Hey, girl. You look like you’re all done. Wanna head back?”

 

“Sure. You got a date?” I tease.

 

He snorts, “Shut up, Chum.”

 

“Oooo! Methinks the wolf doth protest too much!”

 

“I’m skyping with Leah later and I need to shower first.”

 

“Gotta look good for the lady friend. I get it,” I tease.

 

He scowls. And then says, “Alex told me you were upset about Embry hating you.”

 

“Not ready to talk about it, V,” I hold up my hand.

 

“Fair enough. But unless you murdered his favorite family member, that is bogus. There’s no way he hates you.”

 

“Did you hear the part about me not being ready to talk about it?” I snark.

 

“Fine.”

 

“And NO discussing it with Leah! I don’t need all of La Push thinking about this.”

 

“They’ll know anyway,” he shrugs with the casualness of someone who simply accepts that things are what they are.

 

“Look on the off-chance that Embry doesn’t want everyone to know his business AND he can keep his thoughts to himself, I don’t want him to have one more thing to be mad at me about. I won’t betray a confidence.”

 

We walk a few more steps before I burst out with, “But how can he not understand what I’m saying about things!? I thought he knew me better!”

 

“I thought you weren’t ready to talk about it,” Victor smirks.

 

“I’m not. But, UGH!,” I yell and stamp my foot.

 

“Did you know you look a little like an angry kitten when you get mad?”

 

“Shut up, Victor.”

 

We say goodbye at my door and I head into my room to get my stuff to take to the shower.

 

But first I reread the email. 

 

He sounds hurt and angry. I did that to him. I don’t know how to be a friend. I always end up screwing it up. I’m still being selfish. But he overreacted, too. I don’t understand why he’s so angry at me. And he sounds really resentful of the fact that I’m at college. He’s not even old enough for college yet! And we were trying to figure out how he could go to college! It’s not like I’m keeping him away from it!

 

How can he think so little of me? And just like that the hole threatens to open up again inside of me. I thought at the very least that we were friends. 

 

I have to email him back or I won’t be able to get anything else done tonight. But first, I bag up the pillow case and his t-shirt. His scent is confusing me right now. A few hours ago it made me feel safe and loved, I don’t know what it’s doing to me now, but I can’t deal with it at the moment. Fortunately, they didn’t roll around in my spare sheets, so I have a clean pillow case to put on.

 

With that done I sit and finally respond to his email. 

 

_ E, _

 

_ I’m sorry that you only seemed to see the negative parts of my email. _

 

_ So you understand, I am grateful for all of you who are trying to keep me safe. I wasn’t trying to sound whiney, but maybe that’s how I came across. And I certainly wasn’t saying anything about sex. Well, I mean eventually, yes, but more about love. I was talking about love, Embry, and the closeness that can happen when two souls meet and recognize one another. I’m sure that sounds immature and like “stupid romantic crap” as Jake would say, or would have said until he imprinted, but I believe that exists in the best cases. I’ve felt glimpses of it. And seen it in others. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to have that, and that makes me sad. _

 

_ I’m sorry I upset you.  _

 

_ B _

 

_ P.S. Thanks for the text letting me know you and Leah made it home safely.  _

\------------

 

I finally get a good night’s sleep after getting caught up on most of my assignments. And the sun is shining. It’s going to be a better day. I head to the library to do some research for my chem class.

 

Okay, and to check my email. I was so mad when I wrote back to Bella. I don’t even know now what I said, but I know I was harsh. My wolf is still miffed at her. I had to run as the wolf for a couple hours. I just let myself go and feel the earth under my paws and eventually, I pounded the anger out of my system. It was only then I could go home and work on my homework before collapsing from exhaustion.

 

I read her message and feel a little uneasy. 

 

Well, at least she acknowledges that she was sounding a little whiny and entitled. But the girl wants to be loved. She has always just wanted to be loved and be in love. I can see where she’s coming from. I wish she’d let me be the one, but I know why she won’t. My wolf perks up a little and thinks that we can take care of her.

 

I shouldn’t want it. I don’t understand how my wolf can care so much. Aren’t we supposed to be waiting around for an imprint or something? I’m going to have to ask Sam again. He’s known his wolf the longest, but more importantly has the best relationship with the Elders and can ask them.

 

I need her to know that I really was upset by what she thinks, but I know her. She’s going to blame herself. Just a quick note, then back to Chemistry.

 

_ Dear B, _

 

_ I'm sorry I lost my temper in the previous email. I was tired and grouchier than I should have been. Nothing I said was untrue, but I could have been nicer about it all. _

 

_ E _


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, Bella and Embry are two teenagers who are figuring things out. That includes learning how to communicate their feelings better. I promise this moment is a tiny bump in the road for these two.

Chapter 12

11 days. It’s been 11 days since I emailed her last. And nothing. Not a word. The pups say that she still responds to their nightly goodnight texts. I know Jake has had a couple of brief conversations and I heard Charlie tell Billy just the other day about how hard she’s studying, so I know they’ve talked. It’s just me she’s ignoring.

“What’s got you all moody, Call?”

Great. Patrol with Leah. I’d forgotten she was on duty.

“Ah, troubles with the bird again?”

“Shut up, Leah.”

“Tsk tsk, Embry. You forget that I have connections on her campus.”

Damn. I had forgotten that.

“Is she doing okay?” I ask, sounding more worried than I mean to.

“Why wouldn’t she be? And since when don’t you know. Isn’t she your penpal?”

“I just haven’t heard from her in a while. I was kind of angry at her,” I confess. 

“You got angry? And took it out on Swan? Who are you and what have you done with the real Embry Call?”

I growl.

“Ha! I kid. Listen, Victor won’t tell me anything, but I know that she’s been upset. He said she’s turned into a crazy woman and is always wanting to go running or hiking or join a new club or study group. He said something upset her last week and she won’t let him talk about it and she won’t sit still long enough to think about whatever it is because she either starts crying or gets angry. He said that Alex is about ready to tie her to a chair just so he can get a damn nap.”

“I’ll kill him!”

“Relax, you spaz! Geesh! He wouldn’t do that. He calls her “Sissy” all the time. Once they realized her deal it was like he automatically decided she was the very pale baby sister he never had.”

“Are you saying you wouldn’t tie your little brother up so you could nap?”

“Of course I would! But he’s a little brother and I’m me. It’s not the same thing.”

“What upset her?”

“How the hell should I know? I just told you that she won’t let the guys talk about it. She didn’t say anything to you?”

“No. Like I said. We haven’t been talking. But last time she stopped emailing it was because of that party. You don’t think-”

“No. She has the guys. She’s safe. It must have been something else.”

“Hey, guys!” Jake phases in.

“Jake, have you heard from Swan lately?” Leah asks.

“Not since our Saturday phone call last week. And it was pretty short. She said something about going to a belly dance class. We’re supposed to talk again on Saturday morning. Why?”

A belly dance class? Where she dances all sexy and with her stomach showing?? She won’t even wear anything other than a one piece on the beach!!

“Embry is freaking out a little.”

“Shut up, Leah!”

“Sing a new tune, Call!” Leah drawls.

“Again with this? I thought you two were in touch every day! She’s all you could think about after you got back from that trip!” Jake says accusingly.

“We were! But after we got back last week she said some things in an email and I didn’t respond very nicely. I mean, it was all true, but I was harsh.”

“You were mean to Bells?” he asks incredulously. “You’re never mean.”

“Look. That doesn’t matter now. I just need to know if she’s okay.”

“I told you, Embry, according to the guys, she’s fine!” Leah assures me.

“Go email or call her now and fix it, you ass.” Jake growls at me. “You are the last person I thought I’d have to worry about hurting my Bells.”

“She’s not YOUR Bells!” I roar before phasing human and punching the nearest tree. Stupid Jacob Black who thinks he still owns her. Gets an imprint and gets to keep his beautiful best friend, too! La di da, isn’t that just perfect for him?! 

I march into the library, but it’s just a few minutes until closing, and I don’t know what to say. The librarian keeps reminding me how close to closing time it is. Finally I just type quickly:

 

Dear B,

Haven’t heard from you for awhile. Is everything okay? You’re probably really busy with classes. Please let me know you’re still alive. (With anyone else that would be a joke. With you, it’s literal.)

E  
\------------------------  
I gasp a little when I see that I have mail from Embry. My heart flutters in happiness until I remember his previous words. I hate that suddenly email from Embry doesn’t mean safe and warm and happy to me right now. 

I leave my laptop open but click on another tab to read over my paper due tomorrow. My professor is a stickler for proper editing, so I have to go over things several times to be sure I don’t lose points stupidly. 

I’m correcting an awkward sentence when I notice another email has come in. I click over and see I have something from- Leah? Leah Clearwater is emailing me? Are pigs flying? Has Hell frozen over? I click out of complete confusion more than anything else.

 

Swan,

This is Leah. Quit being a baby and write back to Embry already. He’s all worried and mopey that you haven’t written in 2 weeks. Victor and I have talked, so I know you’re okay, otherwise Sam and Jake would have had us running back there. Jacob is all mad at Embry for being mean to you. I don’t know what happened in detail, but I know Em feels really guilty about it. Can you please write to him so I don’t have another patrol with his whiney butt? I like thoughtful, quiet Embry better. Not this. Geesh, Swan, you’re like wolf Kryptonite. First Sam can’t get you out of his head after finding you in the woods, then Jake was running the Bella Swan channel 24/7 in his head, and now Embry. You could probably sell Bella flavored chew toys and the pack would line up, cash in hand! Ha! I might actually pay to see that! I’d be happy to help you with that business venture. ;) We can sell them at the Obedience School you’re going to open someday with my special neutering services, right?

Leah

Woah. He feels guilty? Jake shouldn’t be mad at him. Embry didn’t do anything wrong! He’s allowed to have opinions! And he’s allowed to express them! To me! Because we’re friends. And that’s what friends do!

And suddenly my own idiocy comes crashing down around me. That’s what friends do. Will I ever get this right??

Dear Leah,

I’ve been really busy.

Okay, and yes, kind of avoiding Embry. I said something about imprinting that pissed him off big time. At least I think that’s the part that made him mad. I know you hate it, so I’ll forward it to you for context, and then you can decide if you want to help me with a chew toy business venture or just chew me out. I’ll wait until I hear what you have to say about it before I get in touch with Em again.

B  
\----------------------

 

Swan,

Holy Crow! You were totally trying to tell Embry you want him! He did not get that AT ALL! Boys are such idiots. If he had understood that’s what you meant, that’s all we would have been hearing about! You really are a hopeless romantic. You know that, right? The thing is, so is Embry. I don’t want to say he’s soft, because he gets the job done in wolf form, but he’s like Seth. They’re both too good for this life we’ve been dragged into. I hadn’t really thought about how imprinting might look to you from the outside. It’s kind of disgusting to have to be in the heads of the guys who’ve imprinted, but you’re not wrong about them being all in. That said, it really does suck for the rest of us having to just sit around and do nothing but have one night stands (okay, that’s not ALL bad. ;) ) while we see if the Gods will “bless” us with an imprint or not. I respect the guys for not wanting to hurt anyone else like me and you. They’re still idiots, but I can give them a little credit for that. Talk to Embry. I’m not going to guess where he’s at with all this, but I know he really cares about you, B. Don’t shut him out.

Leah

Leah Clearwater is kind of awesome. If she weren’t so terrifying I would want her for as a best girl friend, since Jake has the best friend category sewed up tight. She can cut through all my crap like nobody’s business. I’m going to finish editing and then figure out what to say to Embry. Back to awkward sentences.

\--------------------

Leah,

Thanks for the advice. And yeah, that is what I was trying to say. He didn’t see that, though, which makes me think that he didn’t really want to see it. Please don’t say anything to him. Or the other guys who can’t keep their minds shut. It’s probably not relevant anymore, anyway. If it ever was. I really miss him, though. Not him from the email he sent to respond to the one I showed you, but the Embry I’ve been getting to know all semester.

Anyway, speaking of boys, Victor lives in Leah-land now, you know. That cool, swaggery wolf I once knew has been reduced to a “how many more hours until the next time I get to Skype with Leah Clearwater”. You own him. Don’t tell him I told you.

Ha. You are my new secret keeper, apparently. ;)

Thanks,  
Bella

\--------------------------

 

And an hour later after I’ve edited my paper as much as I possibly can, I try to be a friend. A better kind of friend anyway. With sentences that are a different kind of awkward.

\--------------------------

E,

Long time no type, huh? I’m sorry I stopped writing. I was really embarrassed at making you upset and then I was mad at you for not instantly understanding my intent and then I was mad at myself for being mad at you for not being a mind-reader and then I would be mad at Victor or Alex because they would come running when they heard me being angry or upset about all of it and I didn’t want to talk about it. 

Anyway, I suck as a friend. And I’m sorry. I never should have brought it up and I’m sorry I disappeared once you got mad at me. I don’t like you being mad at me, Embry. It really hurts. 

Please consider this email my olive branch. But if you don’t want to take said branch, I understand.

B  
\-----------------------  
I check my email again before school starts. Just in case. I’m not sleeping well anyway, so getting here early is no hardship. Thank goodness the school library is open early. SHE WROTE BACK!

I don’t open it immediately because what if it says something I don’t want to hear, like “Go away and leave me alone, you psycho!” Please don’t let it be that.

I close my eyes and look for some calm, and then click.

She was just freaking out like Bella does, but it wasn’t just her running away from confrontation. I hurt her. My wolf whines pitifully. We failed her. Our job is to protect, not to hurt.

I’m grabbing this olive branch with both hands!!

I will keep things light and friendly until she’s comfortable with me again. I won’t mourn how open she was to me before. I feel like she’s a little afraid of me now and closed back up. 

Okay, I can do light and friendly.

\-------------

Dear Bella,

You don’t suck as a friend. I will henceforth pledge to not type mad. I missed your emails so much. They make coming to the library to study a lot more worth it. I miss you even more than your emails.

Speaking of studying, I have a test tomorrow on poetry. There is some poetry that I really like, but that’s not the stuff they’re testing me on. Whatever. I’ll do fine. I know all the stuff, it just seems wrong to test someone on poetry. Isn’t the whole point of a poem to sit and slowly chew and ponder and examine the huge ideas which are expressed in the fewest possible words? Oh, well. Maybe I should start composing poems in my head while I patrol. I can just imagine how much Quil would really love that! Hah! Pretty sure the only poems he knows have words which rhyme nicely with “Nantucket” and “bucket”. ;)

What should my first poem on patrol be about?

E

\----------------------------

I release a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. And try not to cry. He misses me. I hope this means he’s forgiven me. Alex hands me a tissue and when I look at him in question, he indicates that I have tears on my face. 

I didn’t realize how much the potential loss of Embry’s friendship was weighing on me. So, I’m still not the most independent woman. But I didn’t curl up and waste away this time! I kept moving and going and involving myself in the lives of others. I functioned. Still maybe not facing things, but I wasn’t wallowing either. I’m going to take it as a mental health win.

I’m also going to proceed with caution. Embry’s reaction was so unexpected to me. Maybe I don’t know him as well as I thought I did. He’s not as emotionally safe as I thought he was. I was fooling myself that we were closer than we were. I should be glad. It means he has clearer definitions of what we are, which means he won’t get hurt when he imprints. I’m trying to be glad about that.

I will keep things light and friendly. Just as if he were any other of my beloved wolves. I can do that. Just think of him as one of the pack.

Dear E,

You could do an acrostic poem using the name of whomever you’re patrolling with!! Here’s one to start you off: 

J-Jolly  
A- Always sunny  
C- Crabby, when hungry  
O - Overgrown lapdog  
B- Bella’s bff, but belongs to Katie in every other way

Your turn!

B

\-------------------------

Damn. She really is gun shy. That’s the least Bella email ever. She doesn’t trust me anymore. At least she’s communicating, though. I can work with that.

Dear B,

S- Softie, but don’t tell  
A- Alpha, for now  
M- Macho, unless Emily’s around

Pretty sure that one would get me beat up by the subject himself. 

Your turn!

E  
\-----------------------------------

I smile at Embry’s message. I can do this. Just two friends being a little silly. No deep emotional connection.

 

Dear E,

P- Penis, thinks with it more than his brain  
A- Angry  
U- Uncharacteristically thoughtful when he wants to be  
L- Laments knowing Leech Lovers

Your turn,  
B

\---------------------

Okay, good. She’s still communicating.

 

Dear B,

For the record, I don’t think Paul laments knowing you. You just confuse him. You are nice to him, but aren’t afraid to put him in his place when he needs it. He’s not used to keeping company with girls like that.

L- Lovely  
E- Enjoyable to patrol with  
A- Angry, but less so lately  
H- Hella smart

(This one is a little on the kiss up so she doesn’t kill me when I think of her poem. It has to be nice or she’ll take a bite out of me!)

Your turn,  
E

\-----------------------------------

I confuse Paul? Hm. I guess my kill’em with kindness campaign has been working with him.

Dear E,

Is “keeping company” what we’re calling it now? ;)

Q- Quiet and shy. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
U- Useless in the kitchen  
I- Imprinted to Claire  
L- Large Loping Lupine

For the love of all that’s holy, come up with something besides large or he won’t think about himself as anything else! Oh, you could use that “Lady’s man of La Push, formerly”.

Your turn,  
B

\------------------------------

She sent me cookies. Included with them was a note that almost broke my heart. Again. Not because of what she said, but because of how much less warmth was in this note than the note she sent with my birthday cookies. We’re still broken.

E-

Here are some apology cookies for you. Hope you enjoy them.

B

\------------------------  
I have to reach out a little more. I’m not doing this light and friendly thing very well. I made such a mess of things between us. I feel like she must have been trying to tell me something in that email, but I don’t know what it was. Leah keeps telling me to reread it for some reason. Why does she know anything about it? 

Dear B,

I got your apology cookies today. You really didn’t need to do that. No hard feelings, I promise. I’m just happy we’re in touch again. Although, if guilt is what keeps the cookies coming….I’m still super mad at you. ;)

B- Baker of the best cookies ever  
E- Embry’s favorite email writer  
L- Lovely  
L- Loved by many  
A- Awesome at baking and school and writing and languages and back scratches and tackling and training puppies and taking care of everyone and so much more. 

You’re the best!  
E

\-----------------------------

Does he mean those things? That I’m his favorite….well, I suppose there aren’t that many people emailing him, so that’s probably not a hard contest. Does he think I’m lovely? The thought makes me smile. Even if he doesn’t care for me in that way-which of course he shouldn’t- it’s still nice to know that someone whose opinion you trust finds you lovely.

And just like that, I feel this wave of warmth come over me. I turn away from my laptop, walk over to my dresser, and pull out his shirt and the pillow case. I kept them in a plastic bag, so the shirt still smells faintly of him. I put it on over my clothes and just like that remember how it felt to have him here. And there is that shivery wave of warmth again. I hug my arms around myself but this time not because I need to hold myself together, but because I love the way his arms make my body feel.

Damn it.

I’m in love with Embry Call. 

I just don’t know what to do about it.

But I do know that I’m done being in this weird limbo with him. I liked it better when I felt like I could write myself to him. 

I’m not going to profess my undying love- yet, but I’m going to forget our misunderstanding. It’s holding back our friendship and I don’t like it. 

\--------------------

Dear E,

I’m not above using cookies to gain favor. Sometimes a little bribery is exactly what is called for in a given situation. ;) 

And your poem of my name was very sweet. I got a little misty eyed reading it. Wish you guys were all closer, Embry. I really do. I really wish you could be here. I’m wearing your shirt again. I didn’t for a while. It felt wrong to while you were mad at me. But I wanted to wear it again before you totally disappear from ever being here. We should have taken pictures.

Anyway, here is your poem:

E- Emailer extraordinaire!  
M- Momma’s little monkey (No, I don’t plan on ever letting you forget that I heard your Mom that day.)  
B- Beautiful Boy  
R- Reader of books, writer of poems, and dreamer of dreams  
Y- Yappy, but we’re trying to use a squirt bottle to train him better ;) Just one additional service offered at Bella’s Obedience School for Wolves!

Your turn,  
B  
\------------------------

She thinks I’m beautiful? Is that like handsome? Hot? She told Jake once that he was only “sort of beautiful”. Heh. She thinks I look better than Jake! Even my wolf is enjoying getting one over on the future Alpha. It turns out my wolf and I can be jerks sometimes. Some friend I am. But she likes my scent, too. This email felt almost back to our old pre-fight emails. Are we there finally?? Maybe she’s letting me in a little again…

\---------------------

Dear B,

Not cool, girl. Not cool bringing up the monkey thing again. Mothers can be so embarrassing. If the cat-lady thing doesn’t work out for you and you do end up with sons please promise me that you won’t embarrass their hulking, surly, teenage selves in front of their equally hulking, surly, teenage friends...and the supposedly sweet, innocent, little girls who might be with them. I say supposedly, because no ACTUAL sweet and innocent girl would hold a nickname from his Momma over a friend’s head! 

Bella Swan, original mean girl. ;)

Let’s see. Who haven’t we gotten yet?

S- So darn sweet  
E- Entirely too happy first thing in the morning  
T- Teen Wolf fan (for real! Isn’t that hilarious??)  
H- Harry’s son

I have to keep Seth’s mostly benign, too, so Leah doesn’t kill me. Fear of Leah seems to influence a lot of my literary choices, doesn’t it?

Your Favorite Poet,  
E

\----------------------  
His email makes me laugh! Original mean girl, indeed! 

“Why are you wearing that secret little smile, Little Sister?” Alex asks as we sit in the library.

I didn’t realize I was. “Um, just thinking about something Embry said in his last email.”

“I’m glad you two are friends again. You were running us ragged while you were trying not to think about him.”

“You have supernatural energy. Don’t be ridiculous,” I snap.

“Bella, you were like a possessed creature. I’ve never seen anyone with that much frenetic energy. It was like you were trying to beat your subconscious into submission by your perpetual motion. I was about ready to get Victor to ask Leah to come down here just so he and I could get a damn nap! It was either her take over or tie you to a chair next to the bed so I’d at least know where you were. But then I’d have had to gag you so you’d be quiet long enough for me to sleep. And after awhile it looks a little too much like kidnapping and people talk.”

I burst into laughter at this image. “Oh, Alex, I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize how inconsiderate I was being. I just can’t get this right.”

“You can’t get what right?” he asks.

“Being a considerate friend. I’m not very good at it. I try, but I feel like I always take much more than I give.”

Alex looks at my stricken expression and pulls me into a hug. “Bella, you try. That’s enough. You’re always trying to make yourself better, but you don’t seem to notice we like who you are already.”

“But I’m selfish!”

“Yes. But we all are to some degree. You are aware of it and you’re working on it. That’s enough. You know that poet you like? Billy Collins?”

“Yes. Did you actually read the book of is I lent you?” I ask him, excitedly.

“Some. But then I found a few recordings of him on youtube reading his poems. I liked that better. Anyway, you know the one called “Lanyard”?”

I nod enthusiastically.

“Everyone starts out like that kid. His mother gives him everything in the world. Life, and love, and a home, food, clothing, and he gives her a lanyard pretty sure that makes them even.”

“So, I’m like the little kid?” I ask, not really liking that idea.

“No. Most of us are like that little kid in the beginning. Eventually, we become the mother. There’s a lot of room in between to grow from one to the other. You’re doing fine.”

Huh. I hadn’t thought about it like that. 

I hug Alex again. “Big Brother, sometimes you are very wise. Thanks for all you do for me.”

He squeezes me.

I hop off. “Now, let me take you and Victor to the movies tonight. There’s a showing of the Princess Bride and I’m buying the popcorn!”

“And drinks?” Alex checks.

“And drinks. AND candy. I need to make sure my bodyguards don’t waste away.”

“I’ll text Victor. What time?”

“It starts at 8. Let me finish up here and we can drop our books back to our rooms and go from there. And before you ask, yes, we can get pizza on the way there.”

“Victor demands burgers, not pizza.”

“Fine. Burgers. Tell him he’s a pricey date and that if he weren’t trying so hard to keep me alive, I’d be mad he wasn’t even going to put out.”

“I am not telling him that.”

I giggle at the mortified look on his face.

“You know I’m kidding. Besides he belongs to Leah. Like I would ever go there. She’d actually kill me.”

“And you belong to Embry.”

My smile drops from my face. “Except I don’t,” I reply quietly. But my heart does. Even Embry doesn’t know it.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow I ended up posting Chapter 11 twice! My sincere apologies! So, tonight you get the actual Chapter 12 as well as Chapter 13. Go back and start from 11 so everything makes sense. Sorry for the confusion!

Chapter 13

  
  


_ Dear E, _

 

_ A little presumptuous of you to assume you’re my favorite poet, no? (For the record, it’s Billy Collins for poetry overall, but misc. poets for favorite individual poems.) You are my favorite wolf poet, though, which has to count for something. Not that Quil’s limericks aren’t charming… _

 

_ C- Cute _

_ O- Overactive _

_ L- Learning to wolf from the best _

_ L- Lover of Bella’s baking _

_ I- Inquisitive _

_ N- Nice (Which I know no guy likes to be called, but he’s such a sweetheart! The best girls LOVE the sweet guys!) _

 

_ Btw, only 2 more weeks until “Natives are the Best” Day. Any menu requests, or will that look pretty much like a traditional Thanksgiving spread? And how many of the pack am I cooking for?  _

 

_ Can’t wait! _

_ B _

\---------------------

 

Last night I ran down to the Swan’s to “make sure Charlie was safe”. At least that’s what my excuse was. We hadn’t been patrolling as consistently in Forks since Bella left for school. It wasn’t a ridiculous thing for me to do from a patrol standpoint, but really I was doing it so I could get a whiff of Bella. Her scent is faint, but still there.

 

I’m still having a difficult time keeping my emotions check. I seem to be more, not less, volatile lately.  I feel like I’m constantly fighting with myself to keep my temper in check. My mom asked me the other night if I’d finished my chores and I swear I could feel my blood boil. I feel jittery all the time. I don’t understand all of this, but I know that Bella’s scent helps calm me down. It’s a good thing she’s coming home soon. 

 

Maybe I could sneak into her room before she gets here and swipe an old t-shirt or something-

 

What is wrong with me?? When did I turn into such a creeper? 

 

Sam phases in.

 

“Why are you at Swan’s?”

 

I don’t want to tell him. But I need to know what’s going on with me, so I flash enough thoughts for him to get it. I’ve been mostly good at blocking out all the crazy I’m feeling right now. But I’m so tired tonight. And I know Sam is safe to share with.

 

“Your wolf responds happily to her?”

 

“My wolf wants to take her and hide her in our den where she’ll be safe and protected and he can bathe in her scent,” I admit. “My wolf wants to bring her food and keep her warm and do nothing but make puppies. My wolf has no comprehension or concern for what Bella might want.”

 

“Woah.”

 

“I know.”

 

“It sounds like an imprint,” he says, tentatively.

 

“It’s not. It’s not like what I’ve seen from you guys about an imprint.”

 

“I don’t know what to tell you. I can ask the Elders if there’s any precedent.”

 

“Not yet, Sam. I don’t want-I just- I don’t want them knowing yet.”

 

“Embry, if you’re disrupting your life to run down to Forks just to get a whiff of her, this is something that needs to be dealt with,” he says it sternly, but I can tell he’s filled with kindness and concern. Sam wants things to be okay for me.

 

“I get it, Sam. And I promise eventually. I just- not yet.”

 

“Okay. But this could explain why your temper is such a problem lately.”

 

“Yeah. Maybe,” I admit. “Probably.”

 

“What is it you’re waiting for?” Sam asks.

 

“Seeing her at college was everything I could have hoped for. Leaving was hard enough,” I confess to him. Everyone at this point knows that I really like Bella. I can’t keep that tight a lid on things, but I think only Leah suspects the extent of my feelings. “ And then we had a fight right after, and we’re just sort of getting back to being comfortable with each other again. I think once we’re back to a comfortable place with each other, my wolf will calm down a little bit. He’s looking for reassurance right now, and I can’t give him anything.”

 

“You’re sure it’s not an imprint?”

 

“I wish it was that easy. That would make her happier, too.”

 

“Bella  _ wants _ to be your imprint?” Sam is baffled by this revelation. “She told you that?”

 

“Bella wants to be  _ somebody’s _ imprint. I don’t think she cares whose,” I say bitterly. It still hurts to think about.

 

“She wants to belong and be loved by the people she already loves, Embry. Don’t be mad at her for that,” Sam chides.

 

“I want that for her, too. I just wish it really was me. I wish she wanted it to be me. I wish I could be that for her. I’m as bad as Jake. I keep looking her in the eyes every chance I get, thinking that maybe THIS will be the time. It’s not happening.”

 

Sam and I are silent for a few minutes as we run.

 

“I know you would love each other well, Embry. You are the same in your hearts. You both love and care and overthink every damn thing.”

 

I chuckle because it makes it easier to choke back the sob I want to let out.

 

\----------------------------------

 

_ Dear B, _

 

_ I thought Collin’s poem when I patrolled the other day and he started growling at the “nice” bit until I reminded him to think about it the way you would say the word nice, and then he sort of melted a little. That pup would probably rob a bank for you if you asked him to. _

 

_ J- Just thinks about Kim _

_ A- Always with Kim _

_ R- Ridiculous with all the Kim all the time _

_ E- Everything is all about Kim! _

_ D- Did I mention he’s with Kim? _

 

_ Sorry, but I had patrol with him this morning. I know way more about Kim than I want to know. Seriously. All the other guys with imprints manage to think about other things, but Jared is a mess when it comes to that. It’s mentally monotonous. _

 

_ Text me a picture of you, please, so I can get Kim’s face out of my head. Two hours of nothing but her. Ugh.  _

 

_ I’ll talk to everyone about our first annual “Natives are the Best” Day and see what everyone wants to do. I think Sam and Emily were talking about going up to visit her family for a couple of days, but I haven’t heard anyone else say anything. _

 

_ Already drooling thinking about dinner, _

_ E _

 

\----------------------------------

 

“What are you doing?” Victor asks as I fiddle with my phone.

 

“I’m trying to take a picture to send to Embry,” I say while trying to turn off the flash.

 

“But you never take selfies,” he says confused.

 

“I know, but he asked me to send him a picture of me because---oh, nevermind,” I grumble. “I suck at technology. Can you take a picture of me?” I hand him the phone.

 

“I’m pretty sure you’re wearing too many clothes for the kind of picture Embry would actually like,” Victor jokes.

 

“Ew. Victor, we’ve talked about this. Naked pictures are NEVER a good idea. They will always come back to haunt you.”

 

“But they can be-”

 

“Victor, how many people in my hometown have seen your naked backside?”

 

“Probably everybody,” he admits, unashamed. 

 

“Uh-huh. And how did that happen?”

 

“I sent a pic to Leah.”

 

“And why you would send her a picture of that, I don’t know!”

 

“Hey, I have an excellent ass!”

 

“Yes, you do, V. But did you really want her mother to see it? And her grandmother? And brother? And the entire pack? And her dentist?”

 

“Stupid Seth,” Victor grumbles.

 

“Don’t you dare talk badly about Seth! He didn’t mean to forward it to everyone on her contact list!”

 

“He’s a 15 year old boy, Bella. Just because you’re technologically inept, doesn’t mean that the rest of the people in the world don’t know how to work their phones! He totally knew what he was doing,” Victor growls.

 

“Maybe. But it wouldn’t even have been an issue if you had never sent the picture in the first place. Even less of an issue if you’d never taken it. Although, it is a fairly artistic shot for a backside selfie,” I confess.

 

“So you’ve seen my ass, too?” he asks.

 

“Leah has me in her contacts, so, yes. Kim and I had a great time discussing its various pros and cons. I had to listen to her feelings on how you stacked up next to Jared. And then Emily wanted to chime in as well. It was a very entertaining phonecall.”

 

I smirk at the look on his face.

 

“So how much cleavage do you want in this shot?” Victor asks.

 

I snatch my phone away from him. “It’s not like that,” I say.

 

“Yeah, okay,” he says rolling his eyes.

 

I can’t help but laugh at him and the ridiculous face he’s making, and just then, I hear a click. Sneaky. He took my picture with his phone. He sends it to me, and wow, Victor is really good at this. I look...I look pretty. 

 

“Thank you, Victor,” I say quietly.

 

“You’re welcome, Bella. Now send that to your wolf and let’s walk my fine ass over to the caf for some froyo!”

\----------------------------

  
  


_ Dear E, _

 

_ I hope the picture I sent was okay. My guess is you saw a lot more of Kim in Jared’s mind than my picture showed of me. ;) How weird is that? You see the most intimate moments between a couple and then have to sit down and eat dinner with them later. That’s got to be bizarre for you all!  And makes me incredibly glad that Jacob and I never did more than kiss. _

 

_ I think we’re on our last poem. So here’s my sweet Brady: _

 

_ B- Bouncing Boy of mine _

_ R- Ready and willing to help everyone _

_ A- Always sweet and respectful _

_ D- Doesn’t mind setting the table _

_ Y- Young in years, but old in soul _

 

_ I miss the pups so much. They’re like the baby brothers I never knew I wanted. Did you know they text me every night before they go to bed?  Sweet things. I KNOW they’ll be at dinner. I wonder if we took all the furniture out of my dad’s living room we could fit enough tables for everyone. It would still be kind of cramped. I NEED an open floor plan house if I’m going to keep feeding you guys! _

 

_ Off to find an architect to draw up some plans for my future dream home, _

_ B _

 

\---------------------------

 

I get a text from Bella with a picture. 

 

And then another one from Victor. “Dude, I took this on the sly. She said you wanted a pic. This is your girl right after reading email from you.” Bella’s body is facing Victor, but she’s clearly just turned her head to look back at her computer screen. She has a small smile curving up the corner of her mouth, but her eyes are what gets me. Can you see love in a picture of someone’s eyes?

 

While I don’t make her picture the wallpaper on my phone like I would if she were actually and officially mine, I definitely look at it. A lot. Possibly once every 3 minutes when there’s nobody else looking over my shoulder. She’s beautiful. In the picture she sent me, she laughing happily right into the face of the person taking the picture. Her cheeks just have the slightest blush and her hair is long and lovely. She looks so happy. He called her my girl. Do she and Victor discuss me? Us? Is there an us?

\---------------------------

 

_ Dear B, _

 

_ Brady would fight Collin for the chance to rob the bank for you. You have those two pups wrapped so tightly around your finger, they might as well start calling you Alpha. I’m pretty sure that if you and Sam gave opposing commands, they’d follow yours. _

 

_ Ha! I might have to think that next time I patrol with Sam. I predict he’ll growl, then think about it, then laugh.  Sometimes it takes him a minute to remember to just be human and not always be the almighty leader. _

 

_ I talked to Billy and he said he might be able to get permission to have “Natives are the Best” Day at the school. How do you feel about having it in the cafeteria? Also, we might have to wait and do it on Saturday. But you’d have a huge kitchen to work with, and we’d all be free to help you except the ones on patrol. _

 

_ Let me know, and I’ll talk to Billy some more. Or you could just call him. He’d love to talk with you. He thought it was a really funny idea. _

 

_ One more week until we get our very own Bella back! _

_ E _

 

_ \-------------------------------- _

 

“Hi, Bells!” I hear Jacob’s wonderfully happy voice as I answer my phone.

 

“Hey, Jake! How are you doing?”

 

“Not bad. But I need your help. Katie’s birthday is coming up and I need to think of something good to get her as a present.”

 

“Hm. Well, you killed me a couple of vampires, but it’s never okay to give the same present to the current girlfriend that you gave to the last one.”

 

“Very funny, Bells. And besides, I didn’t get those vamps on your birthday. It was more like a graduation present.”

 

“True. Alright then, she already has you. What more could she possibly want?” I tease.

 

“Ha! Flattery will get you everywhere, honey! But still not helpful. Pretend for a minute you are someone who actually likes receiving presents, please.”

 

“How about a poster size print of that picture of Victor?”

 

“The picture of his ass??” Jake asks, sounding horrified. Then starts growling.

 

“Down boy. I’m just teasing. Besides I’m sure she’d prefer yours anyway. Kim certainly seems to think Jared’s is superior. And anyway, that’s what I’m giving all the La Push pack girls for Christmas. Don’t tell!”

 

“Who are you and what have you done with my best friend? You know, the shy and blushing one? College is corrupting you, Bella Swan!”

 

“Or at least loosening me up. Maybe it’s just California. Or the company I keep.”

 

“I knew I should have come down to meet those wolves-”

 

“Jake, they’re fine. Honestly, Alex gives Sam a run for his money in the super-responsible category. I’m just teasing you. Now, as for your girl, I think you should make her something. Your carving is improving all the time. Maybe you could carve your wolf for her! I bet she’d love it!”

 

“That’s a great idea, Bells! And exactly within my budget. Now I just have to figure out Christmas. Significant others can be expensive.”

 

“They don’t have to be, Jake. And I’m sure Katie appreciates everything you do. You are sweet and thoughtful and caring, if not a tad impulsive and overbearing at times.”

 

“Aw, thanks, B- Hey! What do you mean overbearing?”

 

“No worries. I’ve watched Katie. She knows how to handle you when you get like that. Maybe I’ll get her to join me in my wolf obedience school venture.”

 

“Your what?”

 

“Ask Leah. Or Embry.”

 

“Hm,” Jake goes uncharacteristically quiet. “Bells, has Embry said anything to you lately?”

 

“About what? We haven’t been having any deep conversations or anything. Just silly stuff and planning me coming home soon.”

 

“I don’t know. He’s been temperamental lately. The slightest thing seems to set him off. It’s not like we’re not used to that with Paul already, but this is Embry. He’s always been the voice of calm and reason.”

 

“I did notice he was a little bit like that when they came to visit, but it always stopped almost as soon as it started. I would touch him or say something and it would snap him out of it. Maybe he’s just getting lost in his head and needs a distraction in the moment?”

 

“He would calm down if you touched him?”

 

“Um, yeah. But I can do that with the puppies, too. They calm right down when I stroke their hair.”

 

“I wonder if they would do the same thing if one of the other girls did that.”

 

“Wouldn’t the imprinted wolves freak out if they saw their mate taking care of another wolf like that?”

 

“I don’t know. Maybe it would be okay for the alpha wolf mate to do it. So, if Emily or maybe even Katie…. Nope. I see what you mean. I don’t like the idea of Katie touching them, so it would probably just rile them up further if they could sense me getting upset.”

 

“Well, score another one for not being worthy to be an imprint.”

 

“Bella?” Jake sounds confused.

 

“Nevermind Jake. But next time Embry starts to get upset, maybe you could let Katie or Emily just touch his arm. It doesn’t have to be intimate or anything, just a reminder of a non-threatening human physical presence.”

 

“I’ll talk to them and see how they feel about experimenting. I’m still not loving the idea, though. And I have a feeling Sam will hate it.”

 

“Just a touch on the arm, wolf boy. Katie loves only you. She’d be doing it to help out a friend in need.”

 

“I guess,” he grumps.

 

“Alright, Neanderthal boy, let me talk to your Dad.”

 

“BELLLLLLLLAAAA! Talk to ME first!!!” a familiar voice bellows in the background.

 

“Ah, Quil’s there, too, huh?” I giggle. 

 

“He just walked in. Do you have a minute to chat with him?”

 

“Sure. Bye, Jake. It was great to talk for a few minutes. Give my love to Katie.”

 

“I will. Love you, Bells.”

 

“Love you, too, Jake.”

 

I hear the phone change hands. “Hi, Bella!” 

 

“Hi, Quil! I hear you’ve been composing limericks that heavily feature the word ‘Nantucket’.” 

 


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

 

I need for there to be an email from Bella. I’m having a hard time right now. It’s only been a couple of days since I ran to her Dad’s house, but Sam has already told me that if I can’t get this under control soon, he’s taking it to the Elders. I’ve been snapping and snarling at everyone to the point that nobody wants to patrol with me. School has become torture. Having to deal with all the noise and talking and smells and sounds. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. This is almost as bad as right before I phased for the first time.

 

I log in and, thank the Spirits, there is something!

 

\--------------------------

 

_ Dear Embry, _

 

_ I had a lovely chat with Billy last night. He’s so great. It’s like Dad #2, but he’s way more chill than Charlie.  I got to talk to Jake and Quil a little, too. I’m sorry you weren’t at the house with them. Talking to only 2 of the 3 Amigos doesn’t feel right.  _

 

_ I invited the AV Club (That’s Alex and Victor in Bella-speak. I find the name much more amusing than they do. ;) ) home with me for the break, but only Victor took me up on it. I think it might have something to do with a certain She-wolf. If you could give Sam a heads up, I think that would help things go a little smoother. I know he and Leah are over it, but it’s always nice to know about your ex being with someone before you’re confronted with it. I would know. ;) (Are Jake and Katie still macking in public every chance they get?)  He (Jake) and I have talked more while I’ve been at school because he only calls when she’s not around. It’s a good thing I adore that girl and see how great they are together. Anyone else, and I’d probably want to punch them in the face for stealing my best friend. Katie is awesome about sharing him, though. Again, not to bring up a sore subject, but probably because they’re both so sure of one another because of the imprint. _

 

_ Anyway, Leah will probably let Sam know Victor’s coming, too, but in a less kind way, so if you could help a brotha out?  _

 

_ Victor and I should be getting to Forks next Tuesday night. I’m skipping classes on Tuesday so we can beat the traffic and then he’ll drive us. I was going to greyhound it, but there was a mass uproar from the AV Club, my roommate, Dad, Billy, Jake, Quil, and Leah when I mentioned the idea. Honestly, the way you all gossip up there!  I received messages/calls/texts from all the aforementioned people within  a matter of hours of me telling Charlie my plan to get a bus ticket. I’m surprised the whole pack didn’t get in on it! Good thing you weren’t having a meeting right at that minute.  _

 

_ Honestly, I doubt I would run into any vamps on a bus. It’s a little too plebeian for their tastes. I forget that I need to be nervous around regular humans. You’d think that after my run in at the party a couple months ago, I’d be better at remembering. I’m bad at being human, though.  When I count the number of times I would have died had there not been a supernatural being to intercede, it’s a little staggering. Although, one could argue that I didn’t need quite so much saving until I first encountered said supernatural beings. Granted, life was small and boring then, so safety isn’t such a big deal to have given up for a more adventurous life, right? _

 

_ Must go finish my paper. 5 more days! _

 

_ Love, _

_ Bella _

 

_ \------------------------------ _

 

Her message makes me smile. She’s so lovably dorky sometimes. I’m never sure if she’s legit that way or she just says and does silly things to help calm the wolves she surrounds herself with. Okay, the message was mostly just newsy, but it works. It’s enough to calm me down. She’s making plans. She’s coming back. She’ll be here soon. And she wrote my name again! And hers! Ever since our fight, she’s only been doing initials like I did when I was mad. I didn’t realize how much I missed her name. And her writing out mine makes it feel like- oh I sound so stupid even in my own head- but like I belong to her. Like she wants me to belong to her.

 

I’m such a sappy idiot.

 

It’s just an email.

 

_ Dear Bella, _

 

_ Did you seriously just type, “brotha”? I may have to tell Leah to give Victor a hard time about ruining your vocabulary. Although, your use of plebeian in the next paragraph redeems you...mostly.  (AV Club- hysterical! Jake has been chuckling about that one since Leah mentioned it to him. I think it makes him feel better that he can’t be there to guard you and even though I’ve told him these guys are good, the image of them being the kind of geeks in an AV Club appeals to him. I haven’t mentioned to him that they’re as big as he is, yet. I’ll let him enjoy this until Victor gets here. ;) ) _

 

_ Please tell me you’re planning on making pies. Lots and lots and lots of pies. Mmmm...pie.  _

 

_ 4 more days! 4 more days! I’m trying to convince Sam to lighten up my patrols so I can help you in the kitchen. You want my help, right? Because I’m your favorite. ;) _

 

_ See you soon!! _

 

_ Embry _

_ \------------------------------- _

He sounds okay in his response. But Jake sees inside his head, I’m sure he’s not imagining things. Still, it worries me. Teasing seems like the right way to go here. I can say things behind the veil of teasing that would be awkward to say otherwise. Does he even noticed I’ve switched back to our names and am using the word “love” to close my email with? Is that a thing only girls notice? 

 

_ Dear Embry, _

 

_ I don’t know how much “help” you’ll actually be in the kitchen. I seem to recall my cupcakes disappearing at an alarming rate the last time you “helped”. Hm. Maybe I should call Sam and get him to put you on double patrols while I’m cooking! _

 

_ If you really want to help, tell me your innermost thoughts and feelings about cranberry sauce/conserve/preserves, because I found a new recipe in a magazine the other day that may become necessary to my existence. _

 

_ Love, _

_ Bella _

 

_ \------------------------------ _

 

A new message appears almost instantly! And she ended it with “love” again. Are we back to where we were before we argued? Where we were when I was there visiting and everything felt so right?

 

There is comfort in thinking about her being right there with me. I pull up her picture on my phone and set it next to the keyboard while I type.

 

_ Dear Bella, _

 

_ I don’t know...Have we really crossed that critical line in our relationship where we can talk about our innermost feelings regarding cranberries? It seems like a pretty big step. ;) _

 

_ For the record, I don’t have feelings about cranberries. I don’t think, anyway. Show me your recipe when you get here. Don’t put me on extra patrols, please!! If I can’t help you in the kitchen, I can at least help you with grocery shopping! I promise to not even tell Jake and Quil where we’re going. It was all them who would throw extra things in the cart. I swear I was innocent of all wrongdoing! Have mercy upon me, Bella! No extra patrols, pleeeeeeaaaase! _

 

_ Love, _

_ Embry _

 

_ \--------------------------------- _

Oh, he answered right away! He’s at the library right now! 

 

And he typed “love” at the end. That’s new for him to write that to me! Does he mean it, or is it just a way to end a letter? I wish I had the guts to reply “EMBRY CALL, I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU!”

 

Why am I such a coward?

 

\------------------------

 

_ Dearest Embry, _

 

_ We’ve definitely reached that point in our relationship. Especially if I’m going to let you help me in the inner-sanctum that is the kitchen while I’m preparing a feast. _

 

_ Send me a picture of you right now. I feel like we’re talking face to face almost...except I need your face. _

 

_ Love, _

_ Bella _

\-----------------------

 

“Love” AND “Dearest”? 

 

I am the least manly wolf that ever existed because her typing those two words to me makes my heart squeeze as I slightly lose my breath.

 

Does Bella love me? Like LOVE love me?

 

\-------------------

 

_ Dearest Bella, _

 

_ I’ll send you a picture, but I have to go on patrol in two minutes, so our “face to face” conversation will be over for now.  _

 

_ Thank you so much. I know it probably doesn’t seem like much to you, but both me and my wolf really needed these messages from you this afternoon. _

 

_ Thank you for being such a good friend that you knew exactly what I needed without being told that I needed it. _

 

_ I honestly can’t wait to see you soon. _

 

_ Much love, _

_ Embry _

_ \---------------------- _

I get the picture from Embry.  He is so beautiful. His soulful eyes, and high cheekbones. His square jaw and beautiful mouth. He’s so perfect inside and out and I don’t think he even realizes it. Which only makes him more perfect! This picture and his last email make me want to laugh and cry at the same time. There’s nothing that quite captures the feeling of knowing that someone you love is aware of you and cares about you, too. He might not care in the same way, but at the very least, I know that I am dear to him.

 

I didn’t know his wolf had an opinion, though. I don’t know what to make of that.

\--------------------------------

  
  


_ Bella, _

 

_ What the hell did you do to Call? He was giggling about you and cranberry sauce when I phased in for patrol tonight. Please tell me this is not a kinky thing. Since it’s you two Virginal Wonders, I will assume it’s not, and that you two might actually just be laughing about cranberries. Pathetic. The both of you. You know that, right?  _

 

_ We miss your face around here, Swan. Glad you’ll be up for a visit soon.  _

 

_ Leah _

 

\------------------------------

 

_ Leah, _

 

_ While you know perfectly well that there is nothing kinky about me and Embry and said cranberry sauce, I’m pretty sure the same cannot be said for why Victor was snickering while texting you the other night...during my study group! If you two are going to sext, could you please not do it while I’m trying to act like I know what I’m doing in my Native American Studies class? Being the whitest white girl in the house already makes me feel like I have to prove myself. _

 

_ I did happen to get a little peek over his shoulder while the sexting was occurring, and please don’t waste your money on any of that cheap and nasty caramel and chocolate sauce you can get at the “Naughty and Nice” store in Port Angeles. I can make some for you that will taste way better. It will be my present to the two of you for “Natives are the Best” Day. Consider it my reparations as the token paleface in your respective lives. _

 

_ I’ll text you the ingredient list.  _

 

_ B _

 

\-------------------------------------------

 

_ Dearest Bella, _

 

_ I don’t know what you did, but all of a sudden Leah is talking about you like you are her new bff. Whatever you did, she’s been cackling maniacally about ever since. She even forgot to be terrible to Sam at the pack meeting today. It was a little weird and frankly, has us all a bit unnerved. _

  
_ You’re not suddenly going through a pranking phase are you? I shudder to think at the things you and Leah could pull off together. It was probably safest for all of us when you were still  _

_ afraid of her. _

__

_ Jake has been arguing with Charlie all week about where you should stay. He wants you here on the Rez. Charlie thinks that’s ridiculous when you have your very own room in his house. Jake keeps remind Charlie that he’s been spending so much time at Sue’s everyone forgot Charlie even owns his own house. Charlie turns that same beet red you do when you’re embarrassed. It’s not as cute on him. Well, WE don’t think so, but Sue seems to because she yelled at Jake to stop giving Charlie a hard time. Leah pointed out that Victor was going to be staying at Sam and Emily’s while they’re out of town, so her room was open for you to stay. Jake just looked smug then as if he’d already won the argument. _

__

_ What I found interesting is that none of them called to ask you what you wanted. Bella Swan, what do you want? Where do you want to sleep when you come home this weekend? _

__

_ Much Love, _

_ Embry _

\--------------------------

I wish I had the guts to invite her to stay with me. I did call her cute and casually mentioned sleeping and beds, though, so it’s not like I have no game at all. And she invited me to sleep with her at her dorm, so it’s not beyond the realm of possibility.

__

Still, that was a while ago, and a lot has happened since then. I don’t want to assume anything. I mean, should I invite her to sleep with me? What if because she’s on my turf, she’s waiting for me to invite her?? Even though she asked me last time.

__

Ugh. Yeah. I have game. I have so much game that I’m having an imaginary relationship with a girl that everybody is in love with on some level or another. The Leah thing is pretty weird, even. It’s like we’re living in Bizarro World when even Leah likes Bella.

__

I head back home in human form to catch a nap before my patrol tonight. I’m surprised out of my obsessing about whether Bella might actually want me to invite her to stay with me when Leah comes up behind me.

__

“Hey, Call. What’s up?”

__

Her niceness surprises me. “Um...nothing. Just finished up at the library.”

__

“Emailing your favorite bird again?” she laughs.

__

I hedge. “Yeah. We were just discussing her plans for when she comes home next weekend.”

__

“It’s gonna be great!” Leah says, smiling. “Oh, that reminds me! I have to get to the grocery store to pick up some ingredients for her.”

__

“Oh, really? She said we were going shopping when she got here.”

__

Leah winks at me, “This is a special list of groceries. Bella promised to make me a very special dessert.”

__

“Oh, don’t you like pies? I know she’s making a lot of those,” I say, a little confused.

__

“I like pies just fine. But they’re not as much fun for licking.”

__

I’m pretty sure Leah and I are having two different conversations right now. I’m an intelligent guy, but I don’t have any idea what’s going on here. And how is Bella involved?

__

“Bye, Embry! If you’re very good, maybe you can convince Bella to give you a taste of some of the special dessert,” she snickers while sauntering off with an extra sway in her hips.

_   
_ Yeah. Bella and Leah working together is terrifying.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

 

_ My most dear and favorite Embry, _

 

_ Have I ever told you that you’re the sweetest and most wonderful boy ever?  You are. Thank you for thinking of my feelings as those other men in my life went all Alpha on each other. I know that their hearts are in the right place, but I appreciate your thoughtfulness even more. I know you want me safe, but you also care about my thoughts and feelings. It makes me feel like you respect me enough to realize that I am capable of rational thought (even if I do have to be saved from evil creatures on an alarmingly frequent basis.) Thank you for that, Embry. I called Sam to ask permission and then Dad to ask if he would mind me staying at Sam and Emily’s with Victor also, so he’s not “all alone”. I may need to crash on your couch if Leah decides to stay over, though. If she is anything like the girl who lives on the other side of my cinderblock dorm room wall, ear plugs won’t even begin to help me in Sam’s tiny sheetrocked house. I’d go to Blacks, but that could be awkward if Katie decides to stay over. There’s Clearwaters’ but then it’s my own father. Blech! How do Seth and Leah stand it with their super wolfy hearing??? _

 

_ Love, _

_ Bella _

College really does change a person, I guess! I can’t believe Bella was just referencing sex as a consideration for where to stay. She didn’t say the word or anything, but the whole last half of the email was full of it. 

 

Woah. I can’t let my mind go there.

 

More importantly, she thinks I’m sweet. And wonderful. And thoughtful. If anybody else said that to me, I would think I’d been friendzoned, but she usually genuinely means things like that. I think. Maybe I have been officially friendzoned and that’s why she thinks my house is a safe place to stay. Maybe this is like her and Jake all over again, except I’m Jake now! No, that can’t be right. 

 

But we already slept together, okay only in the sleep sense, so why would she want to crash on my couch. She could sleep with me again, if for no other reason than the fact that I’m warm and she loves wolf warmth.

 

Except I live with my Mom. I get it. Damn, college looks better and better all the time.

 

“Hey, man. You done yet?” Quil calls from across the table.

 

I shake my head to clear away the jumbled mess in my mind. All that’s left is the thought of Bella sleeping in my bed. Granted, she expects to be the only person in my bed, but still. Or maybe not. Maybe she’d want to cuddle up with me again, like after my Mom goes to sleep or work. Either way, my sheets will smell like Bella. 

 

“Dude. You okay?”

 

I shake my head again since I’m having a difficult time getting out of my Bella-induced haze, “Uh, yeah. Just thinking about Bella’s latest email. She’s going to be staying at Sam’s with Victor, since Charlie’s been at Sue’s so much.”

 

“She might wanna rethink that. With Leah around….” Quil smirks.

 

“Yeah, she already thought of that. And then ruled out staying at the Blacks’ for the same reason.”

 

“Collin or Brady’s families would have her. You know they think she’s the bee’s knees!”

 

“The bee’s knees? What the hell, Quil?”

 

“Hey, it’s a perfectly legit expression that was popular in the first half of last century,” he says smugly, sounding like he’s quoting Wikipedia.

 

“Uh-huh, and you know it why?”

 

Quil looks a little less smug, “Claire’s favorite Disney movie right now is ‘The Princess and the Frog’.”

 

I roll my eyes at him.

 

“I’ll be ready to go in just a sec’. Let me reply to this really quick.”

 

\------------

  
  


_ Dear Bella, _

 

_ What makes you think my house is safe? ;) _

 

_ Love, _

_ Your Embry _

 

_ \--------------------------- _

 

Oh my gosh! He’s right! I just assumed. I could feel the blush creeping all over my body as I read that. Embry’s a beautiful wolf boy, too. I’m sure girls throw themselves at him all the time. He’s never mentioned it, but of course they do. How could they not. He always talks about Jake getting attention, but Embry is just as gorgeous, so I’m sure he’s just being modest. I am consumed with irrational jealousy and imagining some beautiful Native girl who gets to see him every day. Although, he did end it that he was “My Embry”. Does he mean that? Like, just mine?

 

I guess I could always crash with Collin or Brady’s families. Unless….oh, surely not. They’re practically babies! They wouldn’t be sexing it up yet, would they?? I only have myself as a frame of reference. I certainly wasn’t doing anything like that in middle school. I was only beginning to think boys weren’t gross, though.

 

I don’t even know how to respond to Embry without seeming pathetic and jealous. Gah!

 

“Ready to pack up?” Alex asks me, interrupting my minor freak out.

 

“Oh, yeah. Sure.” I shake my head to clear my thoughts and shut my laptop. I could ask Alex. He’s a boy and a shifter. And I’ve been at college long enough that I think I can talk about this without blushing. (Seriously, the cat lady thing is just knocking on my door.)

 

“Um, Alex, can I ask you something?” 

 

“Always, little sister. Although, from the way your heart is going, I’m wondering if I should be worried.” He gives me a smile that I return with a scowl. Stupid wolfy senses.

 

“When did you first start hooking up with girls?” Alex throws back his head and laughs a loud booming laugh that reminds me of a more grown up version of Jake and earns us both dirty looks as we leave the library.

 

He wipes tears from his eyes, “Oh, wow. I was totally not expecting that! Hah!,” he barks out one last gasp of laughter. “Kissing started probably when i was 14, I guess. Other stuff later.”

 

“How much later?”

 

“Uh, Bella, why? This is kind of personal, you know?” He ducks his head and scratches the back of his neck in a way that lets me know that I have genuinely flustered him. I immediately feel bad since I know what it’s like to suffer from embarrassment.

 

“Sorry, Alex, it’s just that I’m trying to figure out if everyone in the pack back home is busy having sex and if there will be any place safe for me to stay without needing to bleach my ears afterwards. I mean, I love them, but there are things that I really don’t need to know about them.”

 

I explain the sleeping situation and the whole Dad/Jake conversation Embry related as well as Embry’s response to my note.

 

“Ha! Little twerp. He’s just yanking your chain!” Alex chuckles.

 

“What? Why? How do you know?” I demand.

 

“Sissy, you email each other almost every day. Don’t you think he’d mention a girlfriend? Or that somebody else from your pack would have mentioned something?”

 

“Mayb-”

 

“And he strikes me as the “only with someone I’m in love with” type.”

 

“How do yo-”

 

“Because he’s you.” Alex stops walking, turns towards me, cups my chin in his hand and looks in my eyes. “A big shape-shifting Native version of you, but your souls are made of the same stuff. And I know you. You, my sister, love. And people love you in return. They can’t help it. For you all the physical parts of love will stem from an overflowing of that love you hold so well.” 

 

I blush and my eyes moisten with tears at his sweet reassuring words as I throw my arms around the big man’s waist. “I love you, Alex! You are the best big brother and bodyguard a girl could absolutely not ask for!” 

 

He squeezes back and says, “Yeah, yeah. I’m glad to have you, too, Chum. Let’s pack so you can get home to your pack.”

 

I am so blessed to have the most amazing friends in my life.

 


	16. Chapter 16

 

Chapter 16

 

Today is the day! She’ll be here tonight! I can’t sit still. I volunteered to run patrols for everyone all weekend and as soon as school is out on Monday and Tuesday just so I’ll be free as much as possible when Bella is here. Sam has been very understanding about it. And everyone else just smirks at me knowingly. None of them say anything, though, for which I’m grateful.

 

I ask her to text me when they get to Forks. That will give me time to run home, shower, and meet her at Sam’s house. Granted, everyone else will be there to meet her, too. I don’t know how it’s going to be here. I won’t be the only wolf or human competing for her attention. That alone is enough to make me feel antsy.

 

\----------------------

As we get nearer to home I can’t help but look eagerly out the windows and start to point things out to Victor that I recognize from the trip down to school. I’ve never appreciated the word “home” quite as much as I do right now. I realize now that Phoenix never felt like home even though I spent most of my life there. Washington was in my blood now. So why was I going to school in California? Okay, besides the fact that it’s a great school. And I love my classes. And the climate is pretty fabulous. 

 

But my family isn’t there. 

 

Soon I would be back with Charlie and Billy and Sue and Jake and my puppies and all the wolves. And I’d be back with Embry. I’d been trying to decide whether I would tell him my feelings or not on this trip. I’ve been thinking about it so much, that I basically stopped talking for an hour of our car ride. Victor found this unacceptable behavior for a travelling companion and made me play the alphabet game with him for a hundred miles after that. THEN he forced me into “I Spy”. Do you know what there is to spy while driving up the coast? Trees and mountains. It is beautiful! But does not make for a good game of “I Spy”. 

 

I was finally able to distract him by calling Leah and putting her on speaker phone.

 

“Swan, why are you calling me? Is there a problem?”

 

“Yes. I need you to entertain Victor so he won’t make me keep playing stupid games.”

 

“Victor, baby,” she practically purrs, “I thought we agreed that our games were just for us.”

 

“Ew! Not those kind of games! Stop talking!” I yell, while Victor laughs. “But speaking of, Leah, did you get all the ingredients I asked you for?”

 

“I did. And I already put them in Sam’s fridge for you. He and Emily left first thing this morning, but they both said to tell you to make yourselves at home, and they’d see you late Saturday night. Sam said you’re not allowed to go back to California until he gets a hug from you and a long talk with Vic.”

 

“Anything I need to know before I talk to your Alpha?” Victor pipes in.

 

“Yeah,” Leah said, “I think he mostly want details about numbers and wolf related traditions in your tribe, but he’s also really interested in how you all manage to go to school if you want. Talk it up for me, baby, ‘cause I want me some of that!”

 

“Maybe I could tell Sam I need a full time body-guard and so the lone female wolf has to be my roommate at school,” I offer.

 

“That’s not the worst idea you’ve ever had, Swan.”

 

“No, I’d say wanting to get turned into a vampire so I could hang out with my undead boyfriend for eternity was the worst. It sets the bar pretty low for all the other ideas I have to leap right over, wouldn’t you say?” I deadpan.

 

Both Victor and Leah laugh. 

 

“Sam said one other thing, though, that might -uh- complicate things a little,” Leah says sounding...embarrassed? That’s weird. I’ve never heard her be embarrassed before.

 

“Yeah. He said he doesn’t want any lingering scents in his house.”

 

“Oh!” Victor says and then starts laughing again.

 

“I don’t get it,” I say, looking to him for an explanation.

 

“Well, you see, Chum, when a boy and a girl like each other very much-”

 

“You guys can SMELL that??” I squeak.

 

“I can’t believe nobody ever told you,” Victor says. “Leah, as one girl to another, you should have told her that they could smell everything.”

 

“You told me you could smell fear, but I didn’t realize…”

 

“We can smell everything,” Leah says. “When you’re sick, when you’re crying or bleeding, when you’re fertile, when you’re on the rag, when you’re really turned on, when you’re afraid, and yes, sex has a smell. Even humans can smell that. You’ve never?”

 

“You know I’ve never, Leah.” 

 

“Well, you have a roommate. If you walked into that tiny dorm room after she and a guy had been at it, you’d be able to smell it.”

 

“It’s conversations like this that make me want to hide in a closet or never get out of the shower. You can smell everything and you can see everything that I do when I’m with a wolf, thanks to the pack mind. Why do I hang out with you people?” I say, throwing my hands up.

 

“Because we’re awesome,” Victor says, and shrugs like it’s no big deal.

 

“Ha! Yeah. I guess that sums it up nicely,” I say, and punch him in the shoulder. And idea occurs to me, but I don’t know how weird it will sound to them. “Um- you guys could use my room.”

 

“Huh?” Leah says.

 

“I mean, if Charlie is staying at your Mom’s all the time anyway, you could make it seem like you’re staying at Sam’s with me, but really sleep at Charlie’s house in my bed. You’d have to stay on the rez and in sight during the day, but at night…”

 

“Are you serious, Swan?” Leah sounds suspicious.

 

“Why not? Just do me a favor and change the sheets and maybe air it out when you’re not there. I’m going to have to stop by and get some clothes at some point. Also, I won’t lie to Charlie about anything, but I won’t give you away if I don’t have to.”

 

“Vic, you okay with that?”

 

“How big is your bed, Chum?” Victor asks in a sultry way.

 

“Big enough. And that’s the last I want to talk about the parameters of my bed where you’re involved, V.” I smirk. “And seriously. There had better be clean sheets on it every time you leave! And you will be doing all the laundry for that to happen! And this only happens if Charlie isn’t there, of course.”

 

“Of course!” they say at the same time.

 

“Alright, Leah, I’m going to hang up now because Victor is staring at your picture on my phone like he wants to lick it. And while I can handle a lot of weird things pretty well, him licking my phone isn’t one of them. I’ll text you when we cross into Washington. I promised Embry I’d text everyone as soon as we cross into Forks. See you at Sam’s later!”

 

And then I make gagging sounds and motions as Leah and Victor say goodbye to each other with pet names and dirty promises. I don’t think I will ever be able to talk to anyone like that. Bella Swan does not speak “sexy”.

\--------------------------

 

The rest of the pack, plus Charlie, Sue, and Billy are gathered when I reach the front yard of Sam and Emily’s place. It’s dark and chilly for humans out here, but we’re all still waiting outside for a glimpse of her. Kim and Katie are in the house putting together some snacks. Leah warned them not to touch her special ingredients. None of us still has any idea what that’s all about.

 

And right now I don’t care. I’m practically bouncing in place. I don’t know how I’m going to let everyone else see and touch her first. It would be rude to mow over her Dad to get to her first, right? Even my wolf agrees we need to stay in her father’s good graces. 

 

“She’s coming!” Collin shouts as he runs back up the road towards us.

 

Everything goes kind of dream-like from then on. There’s a buzzing in my ears, my stomach feels like a gazillion butterflies have been let loose inside, my breathing is shallow, and then we see the headlights of what must be Victor’s car come up the hill and pull into the driveway. I use every last little tiny bit of willpower I possess to force myself to stay in place and back in the shadows as Charlie opens her door, pulls her out and hugs her.

 

Then Jake is right there pulling her into a hug and spinning her around while she laughs and swats at him to put her down. Katie is next and Bella enthusiastically hugs her, too. Then Collin and Brady are pawing all over her and suddenly Seth, too. She pets and coos at all of them giving them hugs and kisses and telling them how much she missed them and that’s when I can’t wait anymore.

 

I walk towards her slowly and I see the rest of the wolves subtly go still and watch me as I approach. Billy and Charlie, I notice from the corner of my eye, are meeting Victor. Leah is standing next to him proudly, which her mother is definitely taking notice of.

 

Jake calls Collin and Brady over to him, which confuses Bella who hasn’t seen me because all the wolves hugging her have blocked her view. As they move away she suddenly sees me standing a few feet away and without missing a beat comes running at me and launches herself up into my arms where she wraps her arms and legs around me like she’s afraid I might disappear.

 

It’s just like the visit to her college all over again. “Embry,” she sighs into the crook of my neck as I hold her as close as I can. And then I feel the warmth and smell her tears against my skin.

 

“Bella?” I whisper. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

 

Sweetheart? I’ve never called anybody that in my life. But it works, I guess. She’s still attached to me.

 

“Nothing is wrong,” she sniffles, but still doesn’t look up, “I just really needed this.” And she hugs my neck tighter.

 

I hear a throat clear and look up to see Charlie glaring at me a little. I try flashing him an “I have only the most honorable of intentions towards your beautiful angel of a daughter” smile, but he is aware that I am a teenage guy, so that’s not likely to work on him. Also, it’s not entirely true, so...

 

I whisper to her, “I’m not going anywhere, Bella. I’ll stay with you, but if you don’t get down and say hello to everyone, your Dad might shoot me first.”

 

At that Bella pops up her head and looks around behind her, “What? Why?”

 

I chuckle at how confused she looks. “I don’t think he likes the way I’m holding you.”

 

She looks at me for just a moment and her eyes soften, then as she looks over at Charlie and sees his murderous face, she rolls her eyes.

 

“Promise you won’t go?” she whispers as she turns back to me.

 

“Promise,” I say and then let her down, but not with the slidy maneuver I used back in CA. That would be a little awkward to do with her Dad and Billy watching. Even Jake is looking at me like he’d like to punch me. 

 

She walks over to Billy and leans down to hug him and then offers Sue a hug and kiss on the cheek. Then Seth has her caught up again only for her to be grabbed away by Quil. Victor is laughing at the spectacle of Bella being passed from wolf to wolf. He approaches me and offers a hand.

 

I reach mine out to shake, “Victor.”

 

“Embry,” he says, then turns his gaze back to the scene before us. “This is beautiful to watch, man. No wonder she’s so homesick at school.”

 

“Still?” I ask.

 

“Yeah,” he nods, “It’s gotten a little better since-” he stops himself.

 

“Since we made up?” I suggest.

 

“Yup. You guys had been writing again for awhile and then one day all of a sudden she was- I don’t know. Better? Fuller? More? It seemed like she’d made a decision.”

 

I frown. She never mentioned any decision. But her emails did seem to get suddenly “more”.

 

I hear her laugh and my frown disappears as I look to see Kim chastising Jared in an effort to get him to put Bella down. Just then Quil comes barrelling past, grabs her, and runs towards the house while shouting, “Guys! Why are we still out here? There’s FOOD in the house!”

\----------------------------

 

Being at Sam’s with neither Sam nor Emily is a little weird, but Leah looks more relaxed here than I’ve ever seen before. 

 

Collin, Brady, and Seth are all trying to talk to me at once, so I sit down in a chair that’s been pulled away from the table. I look up and thank Kim when she hands me a plate overflowing with food. The young wolves literally plop themselves at my feet and I find myself feeding them, touching them, and listening to them in turns. 

 

“Bella, have you been watching this season of Doctor Who?” Collin asks.

 

“I haven’t, sweetie. I’ve been too busy with school, but I promise we can have a marathon when I come home at Christmas. I’ll get all caught up. I’ll even make you those Dalek cupcakes again.”

 

“Are you going to make us watch “Downton Abbey” with you again to even things out?” Brady asks, sounding suspicious.

 

“Of course I am, but you know you secretly like it,” I tease.  All three boys make a face. “Okay, you love the tea cakes and sandwiches I make. And I know once I started making that chocolate peppermint tea with a little cream and sugar, you liked that, too! But tell me what’s going on in school!”

 

The whole time I’m chatting with them, I’m aware of where Embry is in the room. I notice him standing in the far corner chatting with Victor who has his arm around Leah’s waist. He glances up at me and we gaze at one another until Seth asks me something and I refocus my attention on the younger boys at my feet.

\-----------------------

 

I chuckle as I watch Bella lick her thumb and wipe the chocolate from Brady’s chin. He scowls, but I’m sure he’s loving the attention and her scenting him the way she is.

 

“You guys weren’t kidding! She really is like their Mama wolf. Do you think she even realizes that she’s mimicking some real wolf behavior in the way she treats them? I can’t wait to show Alex when we get back to school. He always thought there was something not quite right about her being so homesick, but it’s this! She has cubs here! I don’t understand how she even left all of this in the first place,” Victor whispers.

 

“We’re all her family here,” I growl quietly.

 

“I get that, man, but I’ve never seen anyone other than an actual mother treat the spirit warriors like this. And even then, they’re just being human Moms. Bella seems to know just what a wolf needs.”

 

“Not all the mothers in our pack know, though,” Leah reminds him.

 

He grimaces. “Oh, yeah. I forgot you do that.”

 

I look back at Bella and the young wolves. They adore her. My wolf is weirdly chill with them all over because Victor is right, they see her as their mother. 

 

“She was there for them as soon as they phased. Sam wouldn’t let any of the new wolves near humans in case they lost control, but as soon as Bella found out about Collin and Brady, she marched into the woods where Jake was working with them and called them to her,” Leah remembers. 

 

Jake joins us, “She was something else that afternoon! Sam hadn’t given them an alpha-order to stay away from humans. They were so young and it was such a surprise, I think he just didn’t think about needing to command them. But as soon as they heard her voice saying that she had food for them, nothing I could say or do would convince them to stay away. I’d been having them track me, so I was further away from the house than they were and couldn’t get back before them. I just managed to jump in front of her before they got there so they wouldn’t hurt her, but she rapped my snout and told me to get out of her way so she could see the “pretty new puppies”. She pulled both of them towards her and hugged and cooed and promised that as soon as they were human they could come into my house for sandwiches and cookies. Then she kissed all 3 of us on the nose, turned around, walked in the back door. A minute later she placed some shorts outside for us. Those two phased back to human quicker than everyone else, including me!”

 

Katie comes and puts her arms around Jake, “Bella’s relationship with those wolves is amazing. None of us other girls have been able to duplicate it. The pups are nice to all of us, but they treat her with devotion and love.”

 

Jake kisses her upturned face, “But you each make your own wolf happy, Katie. And I know I sure appreciate that.” He looks like he just thought of something. “I wonder if that’s why I was so drawn to Bella even after I phased the first time. I mean, I had this huge crush on her before, but the fact that she was so accepting of my wolf and wasn’t afraid to know him or touch him, maybe that’s what kept me dogging after her even though she didn’t want me like that.”

 

Katie squeezes him and smiles. “I’m glad she was there for you, Jake.”

 

And the thing is, she really means it. I really wanted to dislike Katie right after the imprint just for Bella’s sake, but both Bella and Katie just rolled with it so well. So I just tried really hard to help Bella however she needed it, and she needed to help Katie feel accepted with minimal awkwardness. So, we took her lead.

 

Leah and I look at each other and try not to roll our eyes or gag at the imprinted pair in our midst. A tight smirk at one another and then glance away is all we non-imprinted wolves allow ourselves when it gets to be too much. The rest of us would have liked someone to be that accepting of our wolves. Although, to be fair, Bella loved all the wolves. And Emily had been kind to all of us when we first phased, but stayed away from us as wolves. So we didn’t get to interact with anyone right away the way Collin and Brady did. Once those two were in with Bella, Seth joined that party. Yes, his Mom knew about the wolves, but seemed to have her hands full with Leah and coming to grips with the loss of Harry. Leah took care of Seth, but she wasn’t exactly nurturing, so Seth became one of Bella’s puppies, too. Sort of. He thought of her more like a step-mother. He could recognize she filled the mother role, but also that she was a hot female. He didn’t think that very often, though, for fear of his life.

 

“Did your wolf think of her as a mate?” I ask Jake, realizing that maybe all my intense feelings weren’t unique to me.

 

Jake looks at me sharply and narrows his eyes, “Why?”

 

I feel myself start to tense into a defensive position.

 

Leah moves to step in between us, but before anything can go further, I hear Bella’s voice from across the room, “Embry?”

 

I immediately turn my head towards her. She looks worried. I sense Jake relaxing and notice Katie rubbing soothing circles on his back. 

 

“You okay, man?” my wolf ears pick up Victor’s very quiet question. 

 

“Yeah,” I whisper back as I move towards her. When I reach Bella, Collin shifts his legs so I can step behind her. I put my hands on her shoulders and crouch down behind the chair so our heads are even. She looks over her shoulder at me, so close to my face, I can feel the warmth of her breath. “Are you okay?”

 

It’s my turn to inhale the crook of her neck. I inhale and nuzzle her shoulder a little, “I am now.”

 

Bella leans her head slightly against mine which is still buried against her shoulder. I could stay here like this with her for the rest of the night. For the first time in weeks, I feel blessedly calm. 

\--------------

I look up to see Jake taking in the sight of Embry crouched behind me. It looked from here like he said something that provoked Embry. I give Jake a reproachful scowl and he has the decency to look a little sheepish until I feel Embry lift his head up. He must look at Jake, too, whose expression becomes wary. I’m not sure what is going on between the two of them, but I mouth “back off” to Jake. Katie catches it, chuckles, and tugs on Jacob’s arm to move him out of our line of sight.

 

I return my attention to the boys still at my feet.

 

“Bella, why don’t you sleep over at my house this weekend?” Seth whines, then mutters quietly, “Your Dad certainly does it often enough.” I chuckle conspiratorily with him.

 

“We could stay up and play Mario Cart!” he offers.

 

He knows Mario Cart is pretty much the only game I will agree to play with him.

 

“I brought a guest home, Sethy, and this is just how it worked out. But I will come to your house right when you get home from school tomorrow. I’ll bring snacks and we can all play then, as long as you promise to clean up the living room beautifully for Sue when I help her get dinner ready in the evening!”

 

Sue, who has obviously heard me, winks and leans over to whisper to Charlie. Charlie also smiles at whatever she said, then looks over at me, too, and chuckles.

 

“I’m so glad you’re home, Bella,” Brady says hugging my legs, while I run my hand over his hair.

 

My eyes fill, “I’m so glad, too.”

 

“You promise for tomorrow?” Seth asks when Sue reminds everyone they have school tomorrow and need to get home. 

 

“Of course!” I hug each of them, then stand and hug Sue and reach for my Dad again.

 

He puts his arm around me as we walk towards the front door. “It’s great having you back for a few days, kiddo. Sue was just saying that she should hire you to keep Seth on task full time! You sure you feel comfortable staying here?” he asks, eyeing Leah and Victor who seem to be attached at the hip.

 

“Yes, Dad. And Leah already promised Sam that nothing inappropriate would go on under his roof.”

 

Dad flushes and mumbles, “Ah- okay. Okay, then. We’ll see you tomorrow night at Sue’s for dinner?”

 

“I’ll be there right as soon as the boys get out of school, so if you’re done with work any earlier, come on over. See if you can beat any of us at Mario Cart.”

 

“Ha! I just might, you know,” he winks and heads out the door with Sue and the pups.

 

One by one, or in the case of the imprinted ones, two by two the wolves hug me and shake Victor’s hand and head out until it’s just me, Victor, Leah, and Embry. 

 

I close the door after Quil.

 

“Hey, where were Paul and Rachel tonight?” I realize I never saw them. “He’s not avoiding me again is he?”

 

“Nah. She had to work and he offered to patrol. I think it’s his way of saying ‘thank you’ for the birthday cookies you sent him. They’ll both be by in the morning for breakfast is my guess,” says Leah.

 

“Oh! Am I cooking breakfast?”

 

“Well, you are at Emily’s. I mean, you need to at least make muffins, right?” Embry teases coming to stand close to me.

 

I’m so tired. Making a wolf size breakfast was not on my list of things to do early tomorrow morning. Embry must see the look on my face, “Just teasing, Bella. You’re in charge of the feast on Saturday. Nothing else unless you decide you want to do something.”

 

“Although, for the record,” Leah pipes in, “Emily did leave a bunch of muffins, eggs and juice in the fridge so if anyone does stop by…”

 

I roll my eyes. 

 

“If anyone does stop by before school, they can cook their own breakfast. I don’t mind doing it Thursday and Friday when they’re all off from school, though. I’ve gotten a little too accustomed to college student hours. I would wake up at the crack of dawn for school all those years, and then just a couple months into college an 8AM class is the hardest thing in the world to get up for. Now, if you still happen to be interested, the key to my Dad’s house is-”

 

“I already have a copy,” Leah interrupts. 

 

“You do? How?”

 

She smiles wickedly, “After we talked today, I borrowed my Mom’s keys and had a copy made from her copy.”

 

“Why do you need a key to Bella’s house?” Embry asks. 

 

Leah smirks, Victor tries hard to suppress a laugh and I blush. “Uh-”

 

“Sam doesn’t want us stinking up the place, so Bella offered us her bed,” Leah explains.

 

Embry looks shocked and stares directly at me in question.

 

“Without me in it!” I stammer and blush.

 

At which point all three of them burst out in surprised laughter. Ugh. I’m so awkward sometimes.

 

Embry pulls me in for a hug. I can feel the rumbling of his laughter through his chest. “You’re awesome, Bella.”

 

“Ready for a run, Victor?” Leah smiles and holds out her hand towards him.

 

“Let’s roll,” he says with a glint in his eye. He stops first to pat me on the head, “Bye, Chum. Be good.” And then looks at Embry, “I assume that I’m officially off-duty while we’re here?”

 

“I’ve got her,” Embry says.

 

“Night guys,” I call out, “Remember, I want clean sheets!”

\---------------------------


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

 

**Embry POV**

We stand there quietly holding one another for a minute longer. I wish I could do this every night with her. Bella begins to loosen her grip from around my torso but takes a big whiff of the front of my shirt as she pulls away. “Oh, I missed that,” she says dreamily. “You smell so good, Embry.”

 

Does my scent affect her the same way hers affects me? “Do you need a new shirt to sleep in?” I ask her, totally jazzed by the idea that she might need my scent to sleep.

 

She nods her head and then leans into me again. “Do you have to go home tonight?”

 

She wants me to stay! 

 

Damn it! Being a high school student has never sucked quite as much as it does right now.

 

“I’m sorry, Bella. I do have to go home. You have no idea how much I wish I could stay with you, but I still have school tomorrow. I told my Mom you were coming in, so she knows where I am, but I try really hard not to lie to her if I don’t have to.”

 

“And telling her you’re having a sleepover with me wouldn’t fly, huh?” she jokes.

 

“Actually, do you want to come stay at my house so you’re not alone tonight?”

 

“Would your Mom be okay with that?” she asks, surprised.

 

“If one of us in on the couch, then, yes.”

 

She seems disappointed. “Right, of course.” I can NOT let this opportunity pass me by.

 

“Bella,” I take a deep breath. I’m feeling a little reckless right now, “I really don’t want to be apart from you yet.” Ever, actually. I don’t want to be apart from her ever. But I don’t mention that part. I also don’t mention that there is no way my wolf is walking away from her any time soon.

 

She looks relieved. “Me, neither. So, what are we going to do?”

 

“Come home with me, please? You can sleep on the couch and I’ll sleep on the floor next to you.”

 

“I can live with that,” she says and smiles at me. 

 

Does she feel the energy buzzing between us? I can hardly believe this is real right now.

 

\-----------

**Bella POV**

 

Just walking with Embry in the flesh is a heady experience. It’s like every nerve ending I possess is on high alert right now. Does he feel this, too? Or is all me? Oh, no! What if I’m like Jake from last year and Embry’s like me from then, too?? Maybe I’m the pushy one and he just wants to be friends!

 

“What’s wrong?” Embry asks. Apparently I stopped walking without realizing it. “Why are you nervous?”

 

I’m going to tell him. I have to. I won’t be able to be around him all weekend and keep it bottled up. If he doesn’t want me, then at least I’ll know, and I can go back to school. Forever. And then possibly leave the country so I don’t ever have to see his face again and feel embarrassed by the fact that he didn’t want me the way I wanted him-

 

“Bella!” he squeezes my arm. “What are you panicking about?”

 

“Stupid wolfie noses,” I grumble.

 

“And ears,” he smiles. “Your heart rate is going crazy right now.”

 

I pout. “I only found out about that scent thing today, you know. Well, the nervousness and fear I knew about, but I didn’t know about- uh- other things.”

 

“What other things? I thought you knew everything about us,” he winks.

 

“That you could smell- um- everything. Like, everything,” I say while waving my hand up and down my body and looking away from him. I know I’m blushing.

 

“Oh!” It’s dark, but I’m pretty sure Embry is blushing right now, too. “Yeah. If it’s any comfort to you all that mostly just becomes background information unless it’s something we’re trying to notice.”

 

“How can it be background information?”

 

“Well, like when you come to La Push from Forks, what’s the first thing you smell when you get out of your car?”

 

“The ocean,” I reply automatically. “I can get the damp earth and pine smell in the breeze at home, but I only get it mixed with the ocean here.”

 

“And are you aware of that the whole time you’re here? Like throughout every conversation or interaction are you thinking to yourself that you can smell the ocean?”

 

“I see what you mean,” I say, “but surely scents of a more personal nature are more of a distraction.”

 

He shrugs. “Not if they’re not relevant to you. Like when Emily is fertile it’s very distracting to Sam, but for the rest of us, it only tells us to be sure and knock before coming into their house.”

 

“How are you able to take something that is freaking me out and make it sound so ordinary?” I ask. And even as I say it I can feel some of the anxiousness leaving me. 

 

“I don’t want you to be afraid or uncomfortable with me, Bella. Or any of us. You’re allowed to freak out if you need to, but at the end of the day, this is who we are. You’re so wound up in our lives that sometimes we forget you aren’t experiencing everything right along with us.” He reaches out and holds my arm to stop us from walking.

 

I look up at him in the darkness. We’re pressed so close and he’s so much taller than me, that it hurts my neck a little bit to stand like this. Lines are feeling very blurry right now. I know I’m in love with him, but I’m starting to get the idea that this isn’t only friendship for him either.

Especially as he reaches his hands up to tenderly cup my face. He’s looking intently at me as if he’s- I don’t know this look - cherish? That’s the word! He looks like he cherishes me. I stop breathing just for a second. Then he moves one hand away from my face and down my back while the other one pulls my head to his chest in an embrace. “Bella, you are so precious to me. To us.”

 

“Us?” I wonder who us is. The pack? But he listed himself first. Being in his arms feels so good. I almost don’t care what his answer is.

 

“Me. Everyone in the pack. My wolf.”

 

That’s the second time he’s mentioned his wolf in reference to me.

 

“Your wolf likes me?” 

 

He exhales a breath in an exasperated laugh. “Bella, my wolf friggin’ loves you. You are his most favorite person in the whole world.”

 

My breathing gets shallow. His wolf loves me? What about the man? Does the human love me, too? I don’t know how to ask this. All of the questions in my head right now don’t have enough words to make sense. For once I’m jealous of the pack mind. It would be so much easier to not have to talk sometimes.

 

“The wolf and I are in agreement.”

 

\-----------------------------

**Embry POV**

 

Her breathing sounds like she’s hyperventilating. Is she going to pass out? Did I scare her that badly with what I’m telling her? As I go into my own freak-out mode mentally, I’m interrupted by a small voice saying, “I love you, too.”

 

Wait. What? Did she just say-

 

“Embry, I fell in love with you this semester. I just didn’t know how to tell you and I figured you didn’t feel that way either and there’s the whole imprinting thing, and-”

 

“Bella!” She stops and I smile down at her. I really want to kiss her now. She’s looking into my eyes, deeply, like she needs me to really understand what she’s saying.

 

“Embry, I’ve liked you since I met you. But it’s been more than just  _ like _ for a long time. This semester of getting to know just you, without all the pack around all the time, I fell in love with you. You are one of the most beautiful souls I’ve ever met, Embry Call. And so I decided that even if you hated me, I had to tell you this weekend how I feel and that’s it. I love you.”

 

I hold her tighter. This can’t be real. I’m obviously in a dream. I think I might be the one to pass out!

 

“But it scared me because there’s some perfect girl out there somewhere for you, and I don’t know if I’ll survive you leaving me,” she admits.

 

I can’t let her think like that. “There can’t be another girl that makes my wolf as happy as you do,” I blurt, “And that’s what the imprint is all about. Keeping the wolf happy.”

 

“Is it?” she asks, stepping back a little. “What about protecting the bloodlines? And ensuring the next generation of protectors?”

 

“I don’t know. But my wolf wants YOU,” I pull her gently back to me. “We want only you, Bella”  Now that I’ve said the words, I can’t stop saying them. I bend my head down to smell the top of her head. She slides her hands up my back to the back of my neck where she runs her small, cool fingers through my hair. I don’t want to stop this, but we have to get back to my house before I can’t control myself. 

 

What were the Gods thinking giving teenage boys spirit wolves with mating instincts?? Again, like we need any additional help being complete horndogs? I can’t bear to break contact, though, so I pick her up and toss her over my shoulder. I smile as she squeaks in surprise.

 

“C’mon. Let’s go!” I scoop up her backpack and walk quickly to my house trying hard to make sure she isn’t jostled too much over my shoulder.

 

“Embry, put me down!” she whisper yells. It’s late on a school night, so I assume she doesn’t want to draw too much attention to us. 

 

“We’re almost there,” I say and then slide her down to her feet as soon as I reach my front porch. I hang on to her until she can get her balance.

 

“Embry Call, what was that?” she demands.

 

“I needed a distraction quickly and we needed to get here. It was two birds with one stone,” I admit sheepishly.

 

“Okay, but next time can you use your words and explain that to me before you go all Neanderthal like that?” she asks in her Kindergarten teacher voice.

 

I smile. Her dander is up, but I can tell she’s not really mad at me. Still. I need to remember when the wolf is this close that it’s still important to communicate in words with her. I’m not navigating this very well so far.

 

“I’m sorry, Bella. You’re right. I just-” I stop, not sure of the words. I feel myself getting frustrated that I’m not good at this. When I write to her, I have words. In person, I’m not doing well.

 

“Hey,” she reaches out a soothing touch to my chest. “It’s okay. I’m not mad. Just talk to me next time, Embry.”

 

I close my eyes and nod while I grasp for her hand which is still touching me. She must feel the slight vibration that comes from controlling my frustration.

 

“Is it your wolf? Do you need to run?” she sounds concerned.

 

Do I? I examine how my wolf is feeling. No, we don’t need to run. We need to hold her close. We need to protect her.

 

I shake my head. “You- you remind me how to be human, Bella. You make us both happy. Please come inside and let me be close to you.”

 

\------------------------------

**Bella POV**   


 

I shiver at his heat. His words. The way he’s looking at me right now. There is a whole world of things that he and I need to discuss, but he looks absolutely anguished right now. This must be what Jake was talking about. Embry is really is struggling. I don’t know exactly what’s happening here.  But he says that both he and his wolf want me and I love them, so I have no problem going inside with him.

 

I giggle at the roller coaster of things that have just happened, but my heart focuses on the best part. Embry loves me!

 

The giggle apparently knocks him out of his head, and I feel him relax against my hand. He manages a smile. “What’s so funny?”

 

“We are,” I say. “Come on,” I take his hand and lead him the couple of steps to the front door. “We’ll talk about everything. And I mean everything, Embry, tomorrow night after dinner. You have school tomorrow, and I’m playing with the pups after school, and then dinner with Charlie and the Clearwaters. But then you are mine, Mister.” I poke him in the chest at the word mine and he smiles beautifully at me.

 

He opens the front door and pulls me in. “Let me just go let my Mom know that I’m home and you’re here. I think she’s already in bed.”

 

I nod and let him go reluctantly. I move into the living room and quietly put my bag next to the couch and move over the the large bookshelf pushed up against the far wall. I always feel more comfortable in houses with bookshelves full of actual books that you can tell have been read. Those homes that just seem to keep bookshelves so they have some place to put their expensive knick knacks seem wrong.

 

“See anything you like?” Embry asks quietly as he comes back into the room with pillows and blankets in hand. 

 

He’s talking about the books, but I feel bold in the dim light of this room and our recent revelations, so I let my eyes sweep up and down his body and say, “Yes, I do.” I may be feeling bold, but the words and their intention still make me blush the slightest bit as I continue to look at him.

 

Embry blushes but smiles, too. “Oh, stop! You say that to all the guys who make you crash on their couch.”

 

“Well, so far, yes, that’s true,” I say and move to help him make up the couch. He brought a sleeping bag for himself to lay on and places it on the floor next to the couch.

 

“You’ve never slept on another guy’s couch?” he asks.

 

“Napped, yes. Spent the night, no.”

 

“Where did you sleep at Blacks’?” he asks narrowing his eyes.

 

“In Jake’s bed. He would sleep on couch, although, usually he ended up on the floor of his room. Billy totally knew, but he also knew me well enough to know it was safe.”

 

Embry looks at me for a moment and I’m not quite sure what is going through his mind, but whatever it is, he seems to let it go and relax.

 

“Do you want to change into pajamas?” he asks, not getting close to me. Why isn’t he holding me right now? 

 

“Yeah, sure.” I grab my clothes and toiletries out of my bag and head to the bathroom. When I look in the mirror, I am surprised at how not beautiful I look. I felt gorgeous with Embry looking at me the way he was. I look tired, though. My hair is crazy, no doubt from dangling upside down while Embry carried me here and my clothes rumpled from the long road trip. Still, I have a bit of a tan (which in my case just means I’m a slightly darker shade of pale) from walking around campus so much this semester, which makes me look healthier than I used to. I also have more muscle definition than I ever had before. I guess I’ll do, but it’s nice to know that Embry said all those things to me when I wasn’t looking my best, actually. It makes it more real. 

 

I wash my face, brush my teeth, and run a hairbrush through my hair before putting it in two loose braids and figure that’s as good as it’s going to get. Good thing the house is dark. He won’t run away horrified until morning.

 

When I come back into the living room, Embry is stretched out on the floor, head on his pillow, one arm under his head and the other flung across his eyes. I turn out the light and climb onto the couch. After getting myself situated under the blankets I peer over the edge of the couch to look at him. 

 

He is so beautiful, even in the dark with my measly human eyes, I can see how breathtaking he is. He hasn’t said anything, so maybe he’s asleep already. I reach out tentatively to touch the arm thrown across his eyes. I begin at his wrist which is closest to me and slowly run my fingers up his arm. His skin is so soft. I hear his breath catch and he moves his arm down to his side and looks into my eyes. “Please don’t stop,” he quietly pleads as I move to pull my hand back from him.

 

“Close your eyes,” I whisper. I don’t feel as shy touching him when he’s not looking at me.

 

He does and I brush his hair off his forehead and run my fingers through it before tracing the line of his jaw, then cheekbones, and then starting at the top of his forehead, I trace one finger lightly down the bridge of his nose. When I reach his lips, they open slightly and I can feel his deep inhale and I slowly continue to move my finger down to his chin and rest it for a moment in the slight dimple he has there. It’s like it was made just for me to touch. I continue to trace down until I reach the hollow of his throat where I then trace his collar bones, then back up the side of his neck to the shorter hair at the back of his head. I smile as he looks completely blissed out by my soft scratching there.

 

“Bella,” he whispers hoarsely. “You’re still too far away. Please come down here with me.”

 

Yay! I am mentally squealing with excitement at his request. I was hoping he would ask! Then remember, “Oh, but what about your Mom?”

 

“I promised her there would be no kissing and all clothes would stay on.”

 

“Oh,” I admit the no kissing part makes me a little sad. I hoped that maybe tonight… I feel him tugging on my hand. I lift the covers and slide down to the floor next to him. Just like in my bed at school last month, he rolls to his side and spoons me back against him.

 

“Um, why did she think there might by those things?” I ask tentatively.

 

“Because my mother is no fool and she knows- well, she suspects, anyway- how I feel about you.”

 

“Does everybody know?” I wonder aloud.

 

“No. Only Sam knows for sure. Leah thinks she knows but has been kind enough to keep it to herself. Everybody else...well, some suspect more than others,” he is talking with his mouth close to my head, so I can hear him, but I can also feel the warmth of his breath in my hair, and feel the vibrations from his throat all the way down his chest against my back. This is even better than I remembered! He’s so warm. So very alive. How did I ever enjoy sleeping next to Edward?

 

I smile and snuggle back into him. His face is buried into my hair again. And it’s apparently his turn to touch. My breath catches as he puts one hot hand on my shoulder and then slowly slides it down my arm, then my side, over the curve of my hip, down my thigh and then back up to my hip where he leaves it for a minute, inhaling deeply before moving back up to settle his hand around my middle. 

 

“I really wanted to do that the first time we napped together in your dorm room,” he confesses quietly.

 

Really? He wanted to touch me like that back then? So I wasn’t reading the signs wrong?  

 

“Well, I’m glad you finally got to do it.”

 

“I know,” he says. Even though I can’t see him, I can feel his lips against my ear curving into a smile.

 

“You know?”

 

“Your scent is incredible right now,” he admits, “Pleasedon’tbemad!” he rushes as I tense up. He can smell that I’m turned on right now?? 

 

“My wolf is doing a total happy dance that we are making you feel good. And as a guy, it’s incredibly sexy that you respond to my touch like that.”

 

Once again, he manages to make what by all rights should be an awkward situation feel just fine.

 

“It’s not fair that you get an indicator like that,” I whine. “How do I know if you like what I’m doing to you?”

 

He chuckles softly, “First of all, I ALWAYS like when you touch me. Second, all guys are super obvious, Bella. Even you know that one.”

 

“Oh!” I blush as I realize what he means punctuated by the fact that I feel him gently push against my lower back. Just as quickly he moves his hips only far enough away that I can’t tell anymore.

 

“Sorry,” he whispers. “But now you know. You don’t have to rely on smell. You have it way easier.”

 

My mind is swirling with questions; my body with sensations. But his warmth is all around me and I find myself getting drowsy. “Does this whole night feel like a dream to you, too?” I ask.

 

“Oh, hell, yes! I’ve been thinking that all night. It’s a really great dream for me, though.”

 

“Mmm, me, too,” I smile. “But, just to recap: in real life I got here, said hello to everyone, ate, said goodnight to everyone, let Victor and Leah basically turn Charlie’s house and my bed into their own personal den of iniquity, finally told you that I loved you, and learned that I can turn you on by just touching you. Have I missed anything?” 

 

He smiles, “Just the part where I admitted that I’m in love with you, too, and my wolf wants you, and then threw you over my shoulder because I was worried the wolf wanted to drag you away to have his way with you.”

 

“Woah. What?”

 

“He’s pretty basic. He sees you as his mate. So he wants to take care of you in every possible way.”

 

“Like feed and shelter me?” I ask, slightly scared, well excited and scared, of what else it might mean.

 

“Among other things,” he smiles again this time running his nose behind my ear and down my neck.

 

“Embry?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“We really need to go to sleep. My brain is about to explode with all the revelations of today. I need time to process because tomorrow I’m going to have about a million clarifying questions for you. And you’ll have school.”

 

“Fair enough,” he says, and lays his head back on the pillow.

 

We’re both quiet for a moment, and then I hear him whisper.

 

“Bella?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Tomorrow? Don’t be afraid of me in the sunlight. It’s easier to talk about things in the dark. Please don’t be afraid of those things in the daylight.”

 

My heart warms at his words. He knows me so well. I lift one of his hands which is wrapped around me, bring the palm to my mouth and kiss the center of it. “ **I** never promised your mom no kissing,” I say as I place one more kiss in his hand and then fold his fingers down to cover it. “Goodnight, My Embry. Love you.”

 

“Goodnight, Bella. Love you, too. So much.”

 

And I drift off to sleep back in my most favorite place; Embry’s arms.

 


	18. Chapter 18

 

Chapter 18

 

**Embry POV**

 

I wake up to the sounds of my Mom about to head out the door to work. I lay still because I don’t want to disturb the still sleeping Bella, but she wakes up when Mom accidentally drops her keys. 

 

“Sorry,” Mom whispers. Bella sits up quickly when she realizes we’re not alone, “Oh! Good Morning, Miss Call. Thank you so much for letting me spend the night last night. I really appreciate it.”

 

“Call me Tiffany, please, Bella. It’s nice to see you again. I’ve been hearing about you plenty,” she cocks an eyebrow in my direction. “Would you like to come over for dinner tonight so I can tell you embarrassing stories about my son?”

 

Mothers are really the worst sometimes.

 

“I would LOVE to hear all about your little monkey,” Bella says with a wink at my mom and a pinch to my cheek, “but I already have plans with my Dad and the Clearwaters for dinner tonight. Are you doing anything special on Friday? I’m staying at Sam Uley’s while he’s out of town, but I’d love to have you both over for lunch or dinner!”

  
“That would be very nice, Bella,” my Mom says sincerely. She has that hopeful look in her eyes again. The one that seems to say “maybe this will bring my son back to me”. I hate that I’ve done that to her.  “I may have a chance for some extra hours at work on Friday, though, so I’ll have Embry let you know, in case I don’t see you again before then.”

 

“Sounds good,” Bella beams at my Mom. How is it that parents trust her when she smiles at them? She invited an under-age boy into her bed just last month! Okay, with no evil intent, but still! 

“Embry, don’t be late for school. You promised,” she gives me a knowing look. It’s true. I did promise that I wouldn’t be late if Bella got to stay over.

“I’ll be sure to get him there on time, Tiffany,” Bella offers, nudging me the ribs with her elbow. 

I look at the clock on the wall. “I have 20 more minutes I can sleep,” I moan and crash back down into my pillow.

“Good luck with that, Bella,” my Mom says and heads out the door.

Bella jumps up away from me before I can grab her and pull her back down into my arms. Rats.

“You sleep,” she says from the other side of the couch, “I’m going to go take a quick shower and get dressed. I’ll wake you up when I get out of the bathroom and then I’ll make you breakfast while you get ready.”

“Come back,” I whine. 

“No way,” she says, seriously.

Uh oh. “Bella?” I prop myself up on my elbow and look at her. Is she having second thoughts about last night and everything we said to each other?

“I really want to climb back there with you, Embry. Like, Reeeeaaaly. But if I do, I don’t know that I will be able to keep my promise to your mother, and I know for sure I would work very hard to make sure you don’t keep one of yours.”

And before I can even process what she was saying, she’s gone. She wants to kiss me! And now she’s in my shower. I’m sure there’s no way I’ll be able to get back to sleep now with those two thoughts in my head. But apparently I do sleep, because I hear her calling me from the kitchen.

  
“Rise and shine, Embry! Eggs and pancakes are only for gorgeous men who are clean and ready to walk out the door.” I sit up slowly and growl.

 

“Oh, you are the most adorably rumpled thing right now!” she says, teasing me.

Adorable! My wolf huffs in dismay.  _ Gorgeous _ he was fine with, but  _ adorable _ is only for the pups! I stand up and with her eyes on mine, I watch the smile disappear into a deep blush as I slowly peel off my shirt and then walk  just out of reach past her on my way to the shower. 

“Good Morning, Bella,” I say with a smirk as I walk by.

\---------------------------

**Bella POV**

Holy crow! I can’t even get a word out as he heads to the shower. I’ve seen him shirtless before.  Heck, I’ve seen all of them shirtless (and then some with a few of them), but that little show was just for me. He wanted a reaction. I shake my head and turn back around to the stove. Pancakes and eggs wait for no woman even if she is in a lust filled daze. I idly wonder if there’s any chance of the food smells covering up the scent of me. Ah, what a difference a day makes. Yesterday, the scent thing was news worthy of a freak out, and today it’s just one more strand of the fabric of life with wolves.

I find two plates and serve up the food then rummage around until I find maple syrup and ketchup and salsa and cheese. I don’t really know exactly what he likes, and Emily always keeps all those things on hand. He’s still not out, so I slice up an orange to put on the plate, also. Then I pour a glass of milk. And wash the two pans I used. Why am I so nervous?  Well, except for the fact that this all feels too good to be true, what do I have to be nervous about?

“You’re doing it, aren’t you?” he asks and makes me jump about a foot out of my chair.

“Damn wolves!  Make a little noise, would you?” I mutter.

He smiles apologetically, “The sun is out- well, Washington’s version of out-and you’re freaking out.”

I grin sheepishly. “Maybe a little.”

“I didn’t say anything last night that isn’t true. Did you?” he asks, reaching for my hand.

“No!” I protest. “Of course not!” 

“Then, we’re okay here.” His smile is so open. His eyes so loving. He places the palm of my hand over his heart. “It’s yours, Bella. My heart has belonged to you for a long time.”

Before I can become overwhelmed by all the loving, sappy, romantic things I want to say to him, I go with frustration instead. “Dammit, Embry! Why would you promise her no kissing? You’re killing me here!”

\---------------------

**Embry POV**   


I can’t help it. The scowl on her face and her complaint about being unable to kiss me are too much to resist. I throw back my head and laugh. She’s making my wolf preen with how much she wants us. 

“Eat your breakfast, Embry.” She’s still scowling, but less so.

“Thank you for cooking, Bella. I appreciate it.” I reluctantly let go of her hand, but slide her chair closer so I can touch her while we eat.

“How do you make food taste so much better than everybody else does?” I moan.

“Oooo, I’m telling Emily you said that!” she teases.

“Do you want me to starve, Bella? Don’t do that!” I whine.

“What time do you have to be at school?” she asks.

“7:50,” I answer, still eating.

“And how long would it take you to get there if I’m walking with you?” 

“20 minutes, probably,” I answer. “Why?” I ask, sliding the last of the pancakes around in the syrup.

“Finish your breakfast,” is her answer as she stands and loads her dishes into the dishwasher and then heads into the living room to fold up the bedding we used last night. She’s already cleaned the pans, so I put my own dishes in the dishwasher and put away the syrup and sauces.

“What time is it?” she asks folding up the last blanket.

“It’s only 7:25,” I answer coming up behind her.

“Excellent. Sit,” she orders and points at the couch.

“Um, okay,” I don’t know what’s going on here, but I’m willing to roll with it.

“Jake told me that you’ve been having a hard time for a while now. That your temper has been bad. You said last night that being around me makes you feel human, but that your wolf also likes me.”

“Yeah. It’s true. It’s like you stitch me and my wolf together better somehow,” I admit.

“Is school hard right now? With all the stimuli?”

Leah accused her of being a mind reader a few weeks ago. Maybe she’s onto something.

“I can’t go to school with you, and you’d look pretty ridiculous wearing my clothes, but I know your scent helps calm me down. Would my scent help you?” she asks.

I nod slowly, wondering what she’s offering since she’s determined to help me keep all the promises to my Mom.

And with my nod, she looks into my eyes and reaches out to touch my face. She traces it again like last night, but with both hands. Then she sits straddling my lap, careful not to get too close to my groin, I notice. She keeps touching me, running her hands through my hair, across my chest, over my shoulders, down my sides, along the outside of my thighs, and while she’s doing that, she’s started kissing my neck. I have absolutely died and gone to paradise. I move my arms around her  to pull her closer and she changes the kisses, still on my neck, to more open mouth, coating me in her saliva. That might sound gross, but my wolf and I are ready to do backflips over how fabulous this girl is. 

\--------------------------

**Bella POV**

Embry is moaning quietly which is very gratifying. I know I always liked my neck being kissed, and if saliva is the quickest way to cover him in my scent right now, I might as well make it enjoyable for both of us. And is it ever!

He keeps trying to move his face towards mine, but I push him back with one hand and with a waggle of my finger remind him that HE promised not to kiss.

“Ugh! Worst promise ever!,” he groans in frustration. To distract him, I tug aside the collar of his t-shirt and begin to suckle the muscle there. I don’t like hickies all over a person’s neck where the whole world can see them, but I secretly like the idea that I’ve marked him as mine where nobody else at school will know. Although, we both know his wolfie healing abilities will probably make this disappear before we get there.

Oh, yeah. School. I glance back at the clock. I hate being responsible sometimes.

I nip along his jaw bone, kiss the tip of his nose, and then rest my forehead against his. “Time to go to school, Embry.”

He releases a shuddering breath. “Will you please help me get ready for school every day?” he asks.

“Every day that I can,” I sigh. I am a little surprised at how much I liked being in charge like that! It was even better because it was with someone who was so willing. Edward shied away from all my advances, which left me feeling both slutty and unsatisfied. With Jake, he was always so eager that I never had to be the instigator. And while kissing him always felt a little weird  (like kissing a cousin, I suppose) there were still things that felt good. 

But nothing has ever felt like this. And we haven’t even kissed, yet! Our bodies are humming together. Can he feel that, too?

He gathers me in his arms more securely and stands us both up. 

“Ready?” I ask, smiling.

“If this was payback for me taking my shirt off before, you win,” he says. “Also, for the record, I will let you win every time.”

I pick up my backpack, while he grabs his from next to the front door. “Let’s go.” 

I put my coat on and follow him out. He grabs my hand and we begin the walk to the tribal school. 

\-------------------

**Embry POV**

“Can I come to Clearwaters after school for video games?” I ask.

She’s thoughtful for a moment. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” she says.

“Oh. Okay.” I’m disappointed. Doesn’t she want to spend time together? She’s here for such a short time!

“It’s just that I’m doing it to spend time with the pups and then I need to help Sue with dinner and my Dad will be there, and I don’t know if I can do all of that, when all I want to do is be with you,” she says in a rush. “You are my favorite, Embry, but we should probably ease them all into that idea. Um. Especially my Dad,” she winces.

“I understand. After dinner, though?” I do understand, and I especially likes that all she wants to do is be with me, but I don’t really like everyone else being around her without me.

“After dinner. Do you want me to come to your house again?” she asks.

“Let me talk to my Mom and see if I can get her to authorize me staying over.”

“What are the odds of that actually happening?” Bella asks.

“Slim,” I admit. “But hopefully if tell her that you and I need to have a long conversation to iron out the details of what we are that might help. Also, if there’s any chance of Victor being there…”

“I don’t know. But I’ll find out at dinner, I guess. I’ll text you as soon as I know anything.”

“There’s also a chance she’ll end up working overnight, in which case we will operate under a don’t ask/don’t tell policy.” We smile at one another as if there is nobody in the world besides the two of us.

And then somehow, we are nearly to the school.

“Hey, Embry?” 

“Yes, Bella?” I face her, pull her close, and smile down at her.

“Two things,” she says holding up two fingers. “First, I love you.”

I might actually melt into a puddle on the ground. Does she even know what those words coming from her mouth do to me?

“Second, we’re not at your house anymore,” and before I can figure out what she means by that, because I’m still dazed from the first thing, she’s pulling me down to her upturned face. I realize just in time as the lips I’ve been dreaming about for almost a year are finally on mine!

As much as I would like to devour her right there, I don’t want our first kiss to be like that, especially not in public like we are. I move my lips tenderly against hers. She tastes wonderful. I knew she would!  Her body is pliant against mine and the way that she’s tugging my head towards her is awesome! She wants me! Kissing her is the best thing my mouth has ever done. I don’t know how I’m going to stop myself long enough to get into the building.

“Whoa!! Hold up, Cassanova!” Quil’s voice carries across from the other side of the parking lot. He’s smiling a big, goofy grin, but then Jake is next to him and looking stormy. And like a perfect wolfy storm, Paul is suddenly there, too. “How did I miss this??” Quil is asking.

“Well, Bella Swan,” Paul sneers and hooks a thumb in Jake’s direction. “I thought the saying was “Once you go Black, you never go back.”

Bella stands to face him head on, keeping her arm around my waist. “Oh, is that the saying?” she asks sweetly. “I wouldn’t know, because I’m a Call Girl now.” She hooks her own thumb in my direction. 

I would really like to look tough and menacing right now, especially with Jake still glaring, but she just declared herself mine to the rest of the wolves present. Call Girl! That’s so funny! Well, it wouldn’t be if she hadn’t said it first. I don’t want her referring to herself as a sex worker, necessarily, but again. My name! MY girl!  Must not smile the big goofy grin that is trying really hard to get out right now.

Paul throws his head back and laughs loudly. “Bella Swan, I have missed your sass! Come over here and give me a hug!”

\-------------------------

**Bella POV**

I’m not an imprint, so I know Embry isn’t going to freak out if I hug Paul. Granted, I’m pretty sure that the fact Paul is imprinted will also help keep Embry calm.

“Good to see you, Paul. I’ve been taking self-defense classes at college, you know. I’m pretty sure I could do some real damage to you now.”

“You’re on, Swan. You and me. High Noon tomorrow in Sam’s backyard.”

“That is the most feeble excuse I’ve ever heard you use to conveniently show up at lunch time,” I tease.

“Yeah, but you’ll feed me and Rach anyway, right?” he asks giving me the same look that doubtless helped him earn his reputation as a ladies’ man.

“Of course I will! Jake, can you and your Dad come, too?” I ask to try to distract him from attempting to glare Embry to death.

“Uh-” Ha! He knows I caught him. “I don’t think Dad has any plans other than watching football with your Dad, but I’ll be spending the day with Katie’s family for Thanksgiving. They go to her grandparents in Tacoma and I’ve been invited along.”

“That’s great!” I say. “I’ll call Billy later this morning and invite him myself. Have a great time, Jake!” and I move in to hug him, too. He picks me up and I whisper, “Back off, Jake. This is between me and Embry. I will let you know when and IF you get to glare, pal!”

I feel him tense, and then I jab my fingers in between his bottom two ribs, which is the chink in Jacob Black’s physical armor. Very few people know that he’s ticklish, but I happen to be one of them. And suddenly big, bad, Jacob Black is giggling and swatting me away from him. “You win, you win!” he wheezes.

Embry has come up close behind me. And I turn to him again. 

“You seem to be winning a lot today,” he smiles a secret smile just for me and I blush.

“DETAILS!!!” Quil shouts. “Exciting things are happening, and I want to know what’s going on! How are you winning with this guy, Bella?”

“Maybe if you’re very lucky, Quil, Embry will let it slip some time when you’re phased together,” I tease.

Embry growls, but I wrap my arms around him. “Shhh. None of that now. Text me after school and we’ll figure out about tonight. Have a good day.” And with that I reach up to give him a quick peck on the lips.

“All right, guys. Show’s over,” I say, stepping reluctantly out of Embry’s embrace.

“Get to class, you mangy mutts!” And with that, everyone but Embry barks and yips their way into the building. He walks backwards looking at me the whole time until finally he has no choice but to go through the door. I laugh as I see Jake and Quil reach out and finally pull him in.

I stand there looking at the door for another minute and bask in the memory of our kisses.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

 

**Bella POV**

 

The walk back to Sam’s house is chilly, but lovely. It really is so nice to smell the air up here again. I didn’t realize how much I missed it when I was away. I spend ALL of my walk thinking about how I just kissed Embry Call! And all that on his couch this morning. Mmmm. Kissing him was just like I imagined it would be! Well, without the part about standing outside his school and getting interrupted by Quil. But the feel of his lips was perfect. And his taste. I don’t even know how to describe it except that I can’t wait to try again. I’m still in a dreamy haze when I arrive back at the cabin.

 

I let myself in and find Leah and Victor sharing breakfast at the table. 

 

“Well, look who’s doing the walk of shame this morning!” Leah crows.

 

“I’m showered and wearing clean clothes, Leah. This is hardly ‘walk of shame’ worthy.” I drop my bag, hang up my coat and get a glass of water at the sink.

 

“Yes, but you didn’t sleep here last night, did you? So where and with whom did you sleep?” she teases.

 

I raise my eyebrow at her. “As if you can’t smell who I’ve been with.”

 

Victor laughs. “Well, you’ve definitely been with Embry. I know his scent and it’s strongest.”

 

“Yeah, but I smell Jake and Paul, too. Goodness, Bella, you’ve had a busy night!”

 

“Shut up, Leah. I saw Jake and Paul when I walked to school today with Embry. I stayed at Embry’s last night since you two abandoned me.”

 

“You could have slept at my Mom’s house if you were lonely.”

 

“Really? And how would you have liked me to explain that to your Mom, Leah? ‘Oh, sorry, Sue! I’m going to crash in Leah’s bed because she and Victor are currently off using my bedroom in Forks as their personal Bordello and left me all alone at Sam’s!’”

 

“Yeah, you’re right.. Sooooooo, how’s Embry?” Leah asks. She’s awfully chipper this morning.

 

I must get a goofy look on my face as I rapidly mentally review the events of the last several hours with him.

 

“Ah- ha! You finally locked lips!” Leah shouts. “It’s about damn time!”

 

“You look happy, Chum,” Victor smiles at me.

 

Before I can respond, there is a knock at the door. “Rachel! C’mon in and meet this gorgeous man,” Leah bellows.

 

“Hi, Victor. I’ve been hearing all about you, but it’s nice to actually see the rest of you. Not that the bits I’ve seen already weren’t nice,” Rachel jokes as she shakes his hand. She’s eyeing him with a look that would do Paul proud...or not, considering they’re together now and her eyeing up another man is probably not on his list of favorite things.

 

I snort a giggle as Victor says, “I’m never going to live that down, am I?

 

“No,” all three of us females answer.

 

And with that, we settle on the couches and chit-chat the morning away just catching up on our respective lives. Rachel is juggling a lot between taking college classes online, working, and helping to take care of Billy. Again, I realize how incredibly fortunate I am. Things are also a little tricky for her as a 21 year old girl dating a high school boy. Only people on the rez who know how old Paul is and don’t know about the wolves say anything, but Rachel is getting the brunt of it.

 

“It’s different for Paul, of course. All his friends congratulate him on ‘sleeping with the cougar college girl’. They don’t know that it’s more than that, thanks to the wolf, so it’s just me who gets the nasty looks from the other ladies and high school girls when I go to the market,” she explains. 

 

“That’s terrible, Rachel. I’m sorry you’re going through that,” I try to comfort.

 

She shrugs. “I’m sure it could be worse.”

 

“Worse than having Paul as a soul-mate?”  Leah jokes.

 

Rachel scowls at Leah, but then laughs. “Paul can be an arrogant jerk sometimes, but he’s a sweetheart and a scared boy who doesn’t want to be abandoned one more time underneath it all.”

 

I never really considered Paul having abandonment issues, but that makes total sense. I need to bake him more cookies while I’m here. Cookies don’t fix everything, but it’s an easy way to let him know I care about him. He hasn’t had enough of that in his life. I’m suddenly so glad for him imprinting on Rachel. Being part of the Black family must help give him more of a feeling of respectability than he’s ever had. As long as Jake doesn’t kill him. In our last phone conversation, Jake was moaning about how awful it was to have to patrol with Paul. He’d always complained about that, but now that he got a front row seat to his sister’s “activities” with Paul, he was really hating it. 

 

I sneak a look at my phone and find myself calculating how many hours until I get to see Embry again. The answer is too many. So I send him a quick text knowing he won’t get it until lunch.

 

I need a reminder that it’s all real and not just a really fabulous dream I’m having.

 

\-------------------------------

**Embry POV**

 

School is a total waste of time. We have off tomorrow and Friday, so every class is either a test before the break or basically a free period because our teachers have checked out, too. 

 

During my chemistry test, I keep sniffing my shirt where Bella was pressed just a few hours ago. It’s torture knowing that she’s so close, but that I can’t be with her right this minute!

 

I feel Paul’s hand on my shoulder. I realize my breathing accelerated and muscles tensed making it look like I was losing control again. I nod once and let him know I’m okay. Then I check over my test before turning it in. I’m fairly certain I’ve aced it even with the distractions of the morning.

 

I’ve been one of the lucky ones with school. I was a good student already before phasing started, so it wasn’t too hard to get my teachers to be lenient with make-up work when I had to miss days due to “illness”. And since I spend almost all my free time at the library, I’ve managed to keep my grades up. Almost better than before I phased, actually. I found myself buckling down even more after going to classes with Bella last month. The idea that I could sit in a classroom entirely made up of people who wanted to be there was awesome! For the millionth time I find myself hoping that Sam likes the way Victor’s tribe as worked college out for the shifters.

 

I take another hit off my shirt and Paul smirks in my direction from the seat next to me. School is one place where wolf hearing is especially awesome. We don’t need to pass notes or try to sneak text each other. Paul barely moves his mouth, but I can hear him and the rest of my classmates can’t.

 

“Did you imprint on her?” he asks.

 

I shake my head “no”, then add, “But my wolf only wants her. Did your wolf ever have anything to say about anyone other than Rachel?”

 

Now that Bella has admitted her feelings to me, I really want to know what this is all about. Am I the only one who’s ever experienced this before?

 

“Never. But then again, I never really spent more than a few hours with any one girl, you know? Wolves mate for life. My guess is that a few hours wasn’t enough for him to get attached in any way,” Paul jokes.

 

“What does  _ your _ wolf think of Bella?” I ask. “Do you feel the need to protect her they way you would the imprints?”

 

Paul cocks his head and seems to think about it for a minute or two before answering. “I actually feel  _ more _ protective towards her. But I don’t know how much of that is just because she was a target of our sworn enemies, so we spend half our lives protecting her. It’s practically second nature to protect Bella.”

 

I smile at this. He’s not wrong. We’ve been protecting her almost since we knew her it seems.

 

He lifts an eyebrow in question, and I find myself opening up to Paul in a way I never have. Pouring out how I liked her before she ever went out with Jake, but it wasn’t until she showed up at my house with cookies that the wolf started paying attention. I recount a brief outline of what happened when and when feelings changed or grew and I’m ripping open my heart to the guy universally acknowledged as the biggest jerk in the pack. I guess I really am desperate for some kind of affirmation.

 

When I stop talking, I finally look at him in the eyes. I’ve been looking down at my desk this whole time to avoid any weird looks from any of my classmates who might think I’m having a conversation with myself.

 

“Wow. I don’t have any answers for you, man. I wish I did. But it sounds like the man and the wolf want the same thing. Maybe you just didn’t need an imprint because you’d already figured it out. And now, so has she. At least the way she was wrapped around you this morning before school AND the way she put me in my place seem to say so. ‘Call girl!!’ Ha!  She’s awesome!”

 

I feel tension slither away from my body. Telling Paul has helped. And while I didn’t know what to expect from him, his reaction is just as comforting. He sees it, too. 

 

“You guys will be really good together, Embry. I’m glad for you. Imprinting on Rachel was the best thing that ever happened to me.” Paul is being unexpectedly forthcoming. I don’t want to say anything that might interrupt him. 

 

“I know that she’ll always be there for me. And her family will, too. She’s the only person in my life who won’t ever leave me. I’ve never had that before. I didn’t even know I wanted it. I thought I was okay with my life the way it was before. I mean a lot of it sucked, but I got laid a lot, so it wasn’t all bad,” he grins lasciviously as he says this.  “But, it’s been….perfect for me. Rachel is perfect for me, you know? Puts up with all my crap, but calls me out on it when I’m being the cocky ass we all know I am,” he smirks again at me. It’s his signature look.

 

“Bella loves everyone, though. She doesn’t need some magic to help her. She just does it, but she’s careful about who she gives her whole heart to. That bloodsucker messed her up good, but there was no question that she loved him. She takes care of all of us, because she loves us. Emily is fond of us and is happy to help, especially because it makes Sam happy, but Bella loves us. I’m a dick to her, but she still loves me. She just doesn’t know that I know.” He seems lost to his own thoughts for a moment. 

 

“I can’t believe she actually wants to take the risk with me,” I whisper.

 

He exhales, heavily, “Yeah. I guess there’s always a risk. But it’s hard to think that you two aren’t it for each other. She never looked at the Baby Alpha like that. Dude, she totally licked her lips after kissing you, like she couldn’t get enough of your taste. Totally hot!”

 

I growl quietly.

 

“I’m just noticing! Not poaching! Besides, it was awesome to stand next to Jake while that happened. I know he’s practically my brother-in-law, but it sure makes me happy to see him get a little upset! Seriously, it’s not normal to be that cheerful all the time.”

 

I chuckle, too. Paul and Jacob together as family is one of those divine comedies. Everyone but Jake thinks it’s hysterical! Our ancestors and whatever spirits may have been involved with that clearly have a sense of humor!

 

“Yeah, even after Bella told him to back off this morning, I suspect I’m not going to get off that easily during lunch,” I sigh.

 

“I’ve got your back, Call,” Paul nods.

 

“Thanks, man. I appreciate it.” The look he gives me makes me think he realized I mean not just for maybe helping me out with Jake, but also for talking and listening. I’ve never minded Paul like some others have, but this is the first time I realize that I actually consider him a friend.

 

\---------------------------

**Bella POV**

Around noon, Rachel excuses herself to take care of lunch for Billy. The rest of us eat some sandwiches leftover from last night and then decide to take a walk down by the beach. 

 

After half an hour or so on the beach with Victor and Leah trying really hard to not be overly touchy feely in my presence, I decide to be merciful, leave them, and head to the store to pick up some supplies to feed snacks to the puppies. I hear my phone chime and grab it quickly hoping it’s Embry replying from my earlier text. I swear I won’t be an uber needy girlfriend, but I can be a little starstruck the first few weeks, right? That’s normal, I think.

 

\-------------------

  
  


Jake is trying to glare me to death again when we walk into the cafeteria. He stalks over to stand next to me while I wait in line for my food.

 

“What do you think you’re doing, Embry?” Jake hisses.

 

“I’m waiting for my food, Jake,” I say just to piss him off a little. I don’t like arguing with him, but he’s acting like a jealous boyfriend right now. And he is NOT the boyfriend.

 

“I mean with Bells,” he growls. “What are you doing with Bells? Are you trying to break her? Don’t you care about her at all?”

 

I growl and lunge, but Paul grabs me and Quil comes rushing over.

 

“You’re out of line, Black,” Paul says menacingly.

 

Quil comes in with the comic relief. “Oooo! You are going to be in so much trouble, Jakey-boy! We all heard Bella tell you to heel this morning. I am willing to bet when I tell her about this, she’ll make sure Katie doesn’t give you any treats for a while.”

 

It’s almost funny to watch all the emotions that play across Jacob Black’s face. He still clearly wants to yell at me, but he’d also like to punch Quil, and he feels guilty that he’s doing exactly what Bella told him not to do, AND he looks scared that things might get messed up with Katie. Quil’s not wrong. Katie would totally go along with Bella on this. Even though she’s with the future Alpha and and imprint so she technically outranks Bella in pack hierarchy, she treats Bella as the Alpha female. It’s one more reason I can’t not like Katie.

 

Jacob seems at war with himself before he finally settles on saying, “I will actually kill you, if you hurt her. If anyone has the power to rip her apart for good, it’s you. And I will make you hurt worse.” And then he stalks across the caf out the door into the school hallway.

 

“What ever happened to bros before hoes?” Quil shouts after him.

 

Without turning around Jake gives Quil the finger.

 

“Not to suggest that our Bella is a hoe, of course,” Quil adds hastily when he hears both Paul and I growling. “She is a paragon of virtue and loveliness. Sonnets should be written to her innocent blushing. Epic poems recited in honor of her beauty! Lifetime movies loosely based-”

 

“Are you finished yet?” I interrupt, rolling my eyes at him while I grab my tray of food.  We make our way over to our usual table. And before I start eating, I pull out my phone to see if I have any messages from Bella. I do!

 

_ I am having a reeaaally difficult time concentrating on anything today. Your fault. <3 -B _

 

“Good message?” Quil asks, batting his eyelashes at me in pretend flirtation.

 

I’m too busy texting back to respond. So he gives up and starts talking to Paul.

 

_ Really? I’m doing fine. ;)  -E _

 

_ Well, as long as I keep sniffing my shirt to I can catch your scent. -E _

 

_ :p -B _

 

_ <3 -E _

 

_ :) -B _

 

_ Are you sure you don’t want me to come to Clearwaters after school??? -E _

 

_ Oh, I WANT you to, I just don’t think it’s a good idea. You’re very distracting to me right now. - B _

 

_ I’d rather distract you in person. -E _

 

_ I’d rather BE distracted in person, but I promise it will be just you and me after dinner. -B _

 

_ Dinner will be at 4, right? ;) -E _

 

_ I promise I will call you the second I can get away! Probably more like 8, though. :(  -B _

 

_ TOO LONG!!! -E _

 

_ You are making it very difficult for me to remember that I need to keep promises to other people, too, Embry Call! -B _

 

_ Good. :P -E _

 

_ Arrrggg! It’s a good thing I love you! -B _

 

_ It’s the best thing. <3 I love u 2. -E _

 

_ You make my heart so happy. <3 -B _

 

I’ve been wolfing down my food in between sending texts and have no idea what’s going on around me until I smell some nasty perfume. I know that stench. Alisha and Tawna are coming up behind me.  I look across the table at Paul. “Please don’t make me have to deal with them today, man. I will run your patrol after school if you keep those two away from me.”

 

“Deal!” he says before springing up from his seat and swooping around to my side of the table. I don’t even look over my shoulder to see what’s happening.. “Ladies, I’m afraid Embry isn’t available right now. Well, ever actually. He’s in love with his girlfriend and has no need for any of the -ah- services you might provide.”

 

I chuckle to myself as Paul leads the two away.

 

“He’s like the Pied Piper of women with loose morals,” Quil observes, smiling.

 

“Quil, have you been reading your Mom’s romance novels again? 'Loose morals'? Really?”

 

“I should call them sluts instead?” he asks. “Here’s my problem. Every time I think about calling a girl, no matter how deserving, a nasty name, I think about how I would feel if anybody called my Claire-Bear that same name. And then I can’t do it.”

 

I regard him for a moment. “That’s really- decent of you, man.”

 

Quil shrugs. “It ain’t no thang,” he jokes. Back to goofy Quil.

 

Paul comes back to the table and Jake, who is looking calmer, joins us as well.

 

I don’t look at him, but go back to texting.

 

_ You make my heart happy 2. -E _

 

_ I hope you’re in lunch right now and not blowing off a class! -B _

 

_ Lunch. BTW, JB is po’d at me bc of this morning! -E _

 

I smile and look up at Jake. He looks confused at my smile until his phone rings and a picture of Bella in the garage is visible on his screen. His face lights up with a grin, until he looks at me and realizes he’s busted.

 

“Dude. You TOLD on me??” He is incredulous. And now regarding the phone like it might bite him.

 

“Better pick it up, Jakey-boy, or no treats!” Quil warns.

 

Jake grimaces and presses the button, “Hi, Bells!”

 

\-------------------------------

**Bella POV**

Oh no he isn’t!! I stop in my tracks along the side of the road to the store and call Jake. It rings several times before he finally picks up. 

 

“Jacob Black! What did I tell you this morning??”

 

“Bells, c’mon. I was just looking out for-”

 

“Jacob! WHAT did I tell you this morning?!” I yell at him.

 

He mumbles, “That I needed to back off and I couldn’t get mad until you told me I was allowed to.”

 

“And have I told you that you are allowed to get mad?” I ask him.

 

“But Bells, what if he-”

 

“Ah ah ah! Have I told you that you have my permission to get mad at him?”

 

“No,” says a very sullen Jacob Black.

 

“Jake, I know you are looking out for me. But I’m okay.  _ This _ is okay. I will let you know if I need your help, but it’s fine. Let Embry and I love each other right now. We’re happier this way than trying not to be just because we’re afraid of him imprinting.” I add in a softer voice, “Let us be happy right now.”

 

I can tell he’s scowling. I can picture the furrow above his nose and his dark brows scrunching down to hood his eyes. 

 

“Jake, honey, you need to be nice to Embry, too. He’s your friend,” I remind him.

 

“Aw, Bells,” he whines. And then huffs. “Fine. I’ll back off. But you just say the word, honey, and I’ll-”

 

“I know. You’ll kill him painfully on my behalf. Did you know he offered to do the same when you imprinted? So did Paul. And the puppies. And Sam. In fact, everyone except Quil and Jared offered,” I say, sweetly. 

 

“Really?” he sounds surprised by this.

 

“Yes, but I didn’t need them to, did I? Because you and I still love each other, just differently than we did. Our friendship didn’t go away, Jake. We just stopped kissing and hanging out alone all the time. Don’t you trust that Embry and I could transition the same way if we had to?”   I am surprising myself with my questions right now.  I didn't know I was ready to verbalize this feeling. But, also I really want to know his opinion, because I'm not sure of the answer myself.

\-------------------

**Embry POV**

Jake is staring at me. We can all hear both sides of the conversation. I love listening to her smack Jacob down! The questions she’s been asking Jacob make me realize two things, First, that she’s been thinking about this a lot. And second, she is pretty sure that my leaving her is a possibility still. But she’s still willing to be with me! I think pride is the only word I have for what i’m feeling right now. She’s so strong and brave and I HATE that I have to wait another 8 hours before I see her again!

 

I hear her ask Jake if he’s still there.

 

“Yeah, I’m still here, honey,” he’s still staring at me, and I find myself staring back, but just like we’re friends trying to figure something out. Not like we want to fight about anything. He finally nods at me.

 

“Yeah, Bells, I believe you and Embry could handle it.”

 

I nod back at him and smile a little as he hangs up with her. We don’t say anything else to each other, but things are okay.

 

\---------------

 

_ All better? -B _

 

_ All better, my warrior princess! Will you fight all my battles for me? ;) -E _

 

_ I knew I could win that one, so no big deal. -B _

 

_ I have to go to my next class in a few minutes. I offered to take Paul’s patrol after school, so no phone, but I’ll text you right before I phase. -E _

 

_ Thanks for letting me know. I get to see you soon! -B _

 

_ Not soon enough. :( -E _

 

_ Not soon enough. <3 -B _

 

_ <3 -E _

 

_ \-------------------------- _

**Bella POV**

Only 8 more hours until… Ugh, I have to focus. Good thing nobody shares my mind. What was it Embry called Jared? Mentally monotonous. Ha! I love that. Mental Monotony about Embry doesn’t feel monotonous, though. I’ll have to bake Jared cookies in silent apology for being judgemental of him only ever thinking about Kim. He loves her. Why shouldn’t he be able to think about her all the time if he wants? I shake my head to try and clear it and keep moving towards the store.

 

Since I’m on foot, I have to limit my purchases to lightweight things. I load up on several bags of chips and small candies and then move to the register where I see Mrs. Ateara.

 

“Bella! Quil said you were home! It’s so nice to see you!”

 

“Thanks, Mrs. Ateara. It feels so good to be back.”

 

“Your Dad sure does miss you! He can’t stop bragging about his smart college girl to anyone who stands still for longer than 2 seconds.”

 

I blush. Until the rest of the kids here get the chance to go to school it feels a little like I’m rubbing my opportunity in their faces. Mrs. A notices.

 

“Oh, Bella! Don’t you mind that. He’s a proud Dad. All of us parents understand. And those boys miss you something terrible. Thank you so much for inviting us to your feast on Saturday. How many people are you expecting?”

 

“It might be as many as 50 if everyone shows up,” I admit. “Although, the way the guys eat, I plan on cooking for 75. I figure I might just have enough that way!”

 

She laughs. “Well, I’ll give you a little discount on the food if you buy your ingredients here.”

 

“Oh, you don’t have to do that! Honestly, this is my gift to everyone for including me in their families. It...well, it saved me last year,” I admit.

 

“Bella,” she looks at me tenderly, “You come here. Buy your groceries. Family helps take care of each other. I can’t afford to give you a huge discount, mind you, just a little thing. I promise it won’t hurt my profit margins. And besides, the gift to me is that I won’t have to cook for my father-in-law or son that day! A meal I don’t have to cook is my favorite meal!” she jokes.

 

“Alright. And thank you, Mrs. Ateara. Embry and I will probably stop by after dinner to at least get all the ingredients for pies. I can’t now since I’m on foot, but I want to get those made early so I don’t have to worry about desserts the day of.”

 

“Sensible plan. I bet you have a whole cooking and baking schedule for the next few days, don’t you?” she winks.

 

“Um. Well, yeah.” I blush again.

 

“Don’t ever be ashamed of organization!” She’s been running this store on her own since her husband’s death. I guess she would know about organization. “I won’t be here later; Quil’s working, but I’ll let him know about the discount, so be sure to stop by.”

 

I thank her, pay, and step outside with all of my bags. I’m sure I look ridiculous with all the bulk even though they don’t weigh that much. 

 

As much as I’m looking forward to spending time with the puppies, I find myself wishing I could just go curl up with Embry somewhere. I have to be careful now. I can’t ever go back to the Bella who shuts everyone out just because she’s in love with a guy. I hate that I was ever that person. Not that Embry would try to isolate me the way Edward did. I don’t think he would anyway just because it’s not who he is, but it’s impossible within the pack. Wolves are nosey and touchy by nature. That behavior seems to have transferred over to the shifters, too. 

 

And then I’m back to dreaming about Embry’s kisses and his scent and his arms wrapped around me and the sound of his voice and the look on his face this morning when I was kissing him on his couch.

 

I giggle. I’m such a girl sometimes. I put the bags down for a minute to rest my hands. Okay, and check my phone.

 

Only 7.5 more hours...

\---------

 


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

 

“Bella, you are unbelievably bad at this game!” Victor laughed a minute or so after he walked into the Clearwater’s living room.

 

“Hey!” I whined not taking my eyes off the screen. Not that it would help. I really was hopeless at all video games.

 

“Why do you think we always invite her to play with us?” Seth asks, also not taking his eyes from the screen.

 

“Bella, you’re not even on the same lap as the rest of us!” shouts Collin.

 

“Yeah, but I’m the cutest Princess Peach in the room!” 

 

Brady leans up against me. Honestly, I think he’d be my lapdog if he weren’t so much bigger than me. “You’re doing fine, Bella. Here, let me at least get you back on the road.” He takes my controller and in about 5 seconds has me facing the right direction again. 

 

“Thanks, Brady,” I say pressing my side into him a little more as we sit next to one another on the couch. 

 

“I WIN!” Collin shouts and proceeds to dance across the living room. “Who’s ready for the next round?” 

 

“I’m out,” I say handing my controller to Victor.

 

“Sure, I’ll take your place, Chum. Gotta show these pups how this Cali wolf gets it done.”

 

I roll my eyes at him and get up. “Just another half an hour guys and then you promised you’d clean up in here.”

 

I had snacks ready to go as soon as they walked in the door from school. So they didn’t complain too much when I told them to sit down and get their homework done before we started play video games.

 

“Bella?” I heard Brady’s voice behind me as I carried some of the dirty bowls into the kitchen.

 

“What is it, Brady?” he looked worried about something.

 

“Can I talk to you?”

 

“Of course! You know you can always talk to me about anything, sweetie!” I pulled him into a hug. “Now what are we talking about?”

 

He mumbled something.

 

“What?”

 

“A girl,” he sounded like he was confessing.

 

“Oooohhhhh. Brady, I’m terrible at love. I may not be the best person to ask about this,” I chuckle. “Unless she’s a vampire.”

 

He shudders. “Not a vamp, I promise. But she’s really nice. And she smells really good. And she smiles at me and listens when I tell stupid stories.”

 

“What’s her name?” I ask, smiling at how sweet he sounds.

 

“Mary,” he says like he’s dreaming of her as he says the name. And then he snaps out of it. “But I didn’t imprint on her. I just really, really like her.”

 

Uh-oh. “Are you friends? Do you talk outside of class?”

 

He shakes his head. “I was too afraid. All the guys say that we shouldn’t get attached in case we imprint.”

 

“Oh, sweetie.” I pull him in for another hug. “I guess you know as much as I do about that, but for now why don’t you just get to be friends with her? It doesn’t have to be anything more right now, right? Besides, you’re my puppy! You’re not allowed to figure out how to have a successful relationship before I do!” I tease him.

 

He smiles and hugs me tighter for a moment. “Just keep me posted, okay? And call me at school if you want to talk some more after I go back. I know you have good friends in the pack, but a girl’s perspective doesn’t hurt, either, right?” 

 

“Right. Thanks, Bella!” He leans in and kisses me on the cheek before bounding back into the living room where the guys are calling him.

 

I take out my phone for at least the hundredth time that day. Yay! New message from Embry!

 

_ Just finished patrol. Home to eat and shower then sit in my room and write really bad love poems to give you. -E _

 

_ You’ve already written me a poem! -B _

 

_ Here’s a new one: Rose are Red/ Violets are Purple/ Bella is sweet/ So is maple surple -E _

 

_ Ha! You don’t need any more practice writing bad love poems. You’re already great at it  ;) -B _

 

_ I’ll let you go play with the pups. Call me as soon as you’re available! -E _

 

_ I will. <3 -B _

 

_ <3 -E _

 

I sigh and smile. Then turn to do the dishes before Sue gets home and we have to start dinner. Leah comes into the kitchen also fresh from the shower it seems. She grabs some leftovers from the fridge and hops up on the counter to eat while I squirt dish soap on the sponge and get started.. 

 

“Do you even realize you are wearing a sappy smile while doing dishes?” Leah says around a mouthful of food. “Doing dishes is awful! Why are you smiling?”

 

“It’s just been a really nice day, Leah.” Now that she’s mentioned it, I can feel the smile. And I can’t stop. I feel full and happy and jittery. Only 3 more hours until I can touch Embry again. 

 

“Earth to Bella!” Leah snaps her fingers in front of my face.

 

“Stop!” I say and swat her hand away from me.

 

“Girl, you have it Baaaaaad for that boy. I’d tell you to be careful, but I’ve been in his head and he’s just as bad.”

 

“Really?” I don’t want to ask more and pry into his personal thoughts, but I AM curious.

 

“He’s careful and doesn’t let details out. I just know that his feelings for you are really strong.”

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

“I’m not going to tell you his thoughts, Bella.”

 

“Of course not! I wouldn’t ask you to, honestly. It’s about you.”

 

“Me?” she’s surprised.

 

“Um, yeah. But I guess my question is, and I’m sorry if this is too personal, but how are you and Victor dealing with the whole imprinting thing? Like, is this one of your ‘just for now and just for fun’ things?”

 

Leah growls at me.

 

“Sorry!” I say. “I’m not trying to be offensive. I just want to understand how you’re coping, because I’m feeling a little out of my depth with all of this, and it’s not like I can ask any other girls about it.”

 

She remains silent for what has to be a full minute.

 

“Leah?” I ask quietly.

 

“What’s up, Swan?”

 

“Um, how are you - I mean,  what will you do- er “

 

“Spit it out, Bella!” Leah barks.

 

I take a deep breath. “I decided that Embry is worth the risk. That I can let myself love him even if it means heartbreak down the road. Because even if I only get to have him for a little while, I think that will still be better than never loving him because of a scary ‘what if’. And besides him caring about me, he says his wolf sees me as a mate, too. I don’t know what to make of that.”

 

“As a mate?” Leah asks intently.

 

She regards me for a moment and then sags a little. “We haven’t talked about it,” she admits.

 

“Haven’t talked about what?” I’m confused.

 

“Imprinting. We haven’t talked about imprinting,” she snaps.

 

“How? I mean, what have you been talking about for the last six weeks of skyping and texting?”

 

“Look. It didn’t seem like the way to start off a conversation in the beginning. ‘Hi, I’m Leah, the bitter bitch and damaged goods of the La Push Pack’. And then I went out with him those couple of nights when we were down at your school, and it was so nice to just  _ be _ , you know? I felt like it was this unspoken thing, but that was incredibly freeing! By the time Embry and I got back here and the communication began, it was just flirting and get to know you type stuff. Some ‘what happened during your day today’ type talking. Then not always talking,” she pauses and leers at me while waggling her eyebrows.  “I really didn’t want to be the girl who had to explain my whole tragic backstory. He knows that Sam and I dated. He knows that you and Jake dated. You mentioned the imprint when you told him your story that night at the fire. I figured more information was unnecessary and he never asked for more,” she shrugs, but it’s a little defensive. Like she’s feeling guilty.

 

“But what about now?” I ask carefully.

 

“Swan, for once I wanted to not have that be the defining characteristic. You think I don’t know that everyone thinks ‘poor Leah Clearwater couldn’t keep a man and now she’s turned into a spiteful bitch. Good thing Sam has that nice girl Emily now!’? And that’s the people who don’t know about wolves! The rest of them think about how the reason Sam didn’t imprint on me is because I’m so unfeminine and un-nurturing!”

 

“They don’t think that, Leah!” 

 

“Bella,” she sounds bitter again, “you forget that I share their thoughts. Trust me. They think it.”

 

“Surely not all of them!” 

 

“Does it matter?” she asks, tiredly. “Does it matter whether they all think it or only 4 of them do? Although, for the record, they’ve each had the thought flash through their mind at some point. Whether or not they still feel that way is neither here nor there. They’ve all thought it. And it’s true. Emily is better for him than I am. Was.”

 

“Leah, Sam is a good man. He’s not perfect, but he’s good. And I’m sure the two of you were good together in high school. Do you like Sam the Alpha, though? Does your wolf like Sam’s wolf?” 

 

She seems to consider the question.

 

“No. We respect him as the leader, but it’s difficult to tell if my wolf’s feelings are colored or not by my human feelings of betrayal.”

 

“Would you take him back if you could?”

 

Leah pauses before answering. “No.” And she seems lighter for that answer. “No, because I can see how Emily is who he needs. And more importantly, that he is not who I need.”

 

And then she laughs. A lovely lighthearted “the world is a lovely place” kind of laugh. And it is a glorious thing to hear.

 

“Leah?”

 

“Yes, Bella.”

 

“Will you hurt me if I turn this into a girl moment and hug you?”

 

Leah laughs some more. “C’mere, Swan!” And Leah Clearwater pulls me into a hug.

\---------------

 

Dinner is great. I love seeing my Dad surrounded with people. He’s always lived such a quiet existence. He’s had his friends here at La Push, and his co-workers, but until I came to live with him, he seemed very content to come home from work and do nothing but watch ESPN for the rest of the night. He told me when he first started dating Sue that it was actually me who  gave him courage to try again. 

 

The people of La Push have healed both the Swans who came to them emotionally broken and battered. No amount of thanks will ever be enough.

 

“Bella, this chicken is fantastic!” Sue moans.

 

“You’ve been holding out of me, Chum.” Victor says while stuffing more food in his mouth.  My Dad lifts his eyebrows at Victor. “Chief Swan, your daughter has been making me eat cafeteria food all semester! When she could have been giving me this!”

 

“Hey, I eat the cafeteria food, too, V,” I remind him.

 

“I know. That’s what’s so weird! For the record, I have already instagrammed this feast and sent it to Alex. So expect to be ganged up on when we get back to school,” he winks.

 

“As long as you buy me groceries, I think we can work out some sort of deal,” I reach my hand across the table and we shake on it.

 

“So, Dad, any great crime sprees in Forks since last we spoke?” I ask.

 

“I’ve gotten a few calls about streaking here and there,” but never enough information to do anything about it.

 

I cough a little. While Leah smirks and Seth suddenly looks very innocent. I kick him under the table.

 

I wait until Dad and Victor are talking about what the fishing situation is where he lives before I lean over to Seth. “Well?”

 

“There was a pool party at Jennika Ladd’s house.”

 

“In Forks?”

 

“Yeah, and I didn’t have a ride, so I decided to run there. Except when I phased I discovered I had dropped my swim trunks and towel along the way. I didn’t phase back quickly enough before a couple of the kids from the party who were stumbling through the woods caught sight of the backside of me. I couldn’t phase while they were watching, so I had to run away fast until they couldn’t see me anymore.”

 

I try not to giggle as he looks ashamed. I grab his knee under the table. “So did you find your stuff and head back to the party?”

 

“Yeah, but I had to wait for a while, because by then the party had turned into “let’s search the woods for the streaker”. It was a much less relaxing party than I had been hoping for.”

 

I giggle some more before my Dad turns back to me.

 

“How are you kids doing up at Sam’s? Do you have everything you need?” he asks, eyeing Victor and Leah sitting so close together they’re practically on top of each other. At least he’s not worried about Victor and  _ me _ anymore. I think all Fathers are convinced that every male is out to corrupt their innocent daughters. Poor Dad.

 

“It’s been just fine, Dad, and you have to give Jake credit on this one. I was going to spend all my time up here anyway, so staying here has been best.”

 

“Yeah, and Bella and I have been bonding,” Leah interjects. “I’m hoping tonight she’ll let me braid her hair.”

 

“Well, since we’ve already eaten chocolate and discussed boys, it’s really the only thing left on our list of cliched sleepover things to do.” I wink.

 

“What about mani/pedis? And mud masques? And fake seances? There’s loads more on our list, Bella!” she teases.

 

Sue, Seth, and Charlie all look very confused at this small banter between Leah and me. We weren’t exactly friends last time they all saw us together. 

 

“Are you all still coming over to Sam’s for lunch tomorrow?” I ask the parents. “I’ve invited Rachel and Billy, as well as Paul and Embry. Embry’s Mom, too, but she might be working.”

 

“You sure you’re up for all this cooking, kiddo?” Charlie asks. He’s worried. “I know you’ve been working hard at school. I don’t want you wearing yourself out too bad on this little break.”

 

“Wear HER out? Are you kidding? Chief Swan, let me tell you about college Bella!” Victor starts telling his tales of the hardship and woe of being my friend as I stand to start clearing the table. 

 

I load the dishes into the dishwasher and text Embry. 

 

_ Not yet, but soon! I’m about to serve dessert. -B _

 

_ Dessert!! I want dessert! -E _

 

_ I already packed a whole plate of food to bring you. I hope you’re hungry, wolf. -B _

 

_ You are absolutely THE BEST GIRL EVER! -E _

 

_ You’re not so bad yourself. ;) -B _

 

_ <3 Soon! -E _

 

_ love you -B _


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

**Embry**

She finally texts me again around 8:15pm to say that she’ll come pick me up in her old truck so we can go to the market and get the ingredients for pies. Apparently, I get to learn how to make pies tonight. It’s not something that was ever really on my list of things to do, but doing anything with Bella is better than doing my favorite things without her.

“Mom! Bella is picking me up and we’re going to the store to get stuff to make pies back at Sam’s.” I catch the look on her face and quickly add, “Is that okay?”

I am a 17 year old Native American who happens to shift into wolf to protect us all from vampires and have to get my mother’s permission to make pies with the girl my wolf and I think of as our mate. Sometimes I feel like if I tried to write a book about my life, it would never sell because it would be considered too ridiculous to be believable.

“Is Bella sleeping here again tonight?” my Mom asks.

“Any chance I could stay there?” I try, hopeful.

“Will anybody else be there?” she asks, knowingly.

“Probably not,” I admit.

“Embry.” She is giving me the look that says ‘I can’t believe you are even asking me this, THAT is how far-fetched it is.’

“Mom,” I can’t help but keep the whine out of my voice.

“Embry, I was her age when I got pregnant with you. I have never once regretted having you, but I wouldn’t wish the decisions I had to make on the two of you right now.”

I really want to ask what kind of man would leave her alone to make those decisions, but it is an unwritten rule that we don’t talk about him. Whoever “him” is.

“Mom, we’re not having sex! We only kissed for the first time today right outside the school! Not here. I kept my promises last night, Mom.”

She regards me and then sighs.

“Here’s what I’m willing to offer you: You get home no later than midnight. She can sleep here. If you sleep in your room, it’s with the door open. All clothes stay on, buttoned, snapped and in place. Around your ankles doesn’t count as ‘on’.”

“MOM!” I sputter. This is so much worse than anything we talked about when I was first going through puberty.

She soldiers on, unaffected by my embarrassment.

“But kissing is allowed. Just don’t wake me up. They offered me hours tomorrow, and I’d be a fool not to take holiday hours for the extra money, especially since we don’t celebrate. I have to be to the store by 7, though, so I’m leaving here at 6 in the morning.”

I’m disappointed. I really wanted to be alone with Bella, but this is a good deal for a mother to offer her 17 year old son who she doesn’t entirely trust right now. I have a feeling her generosity is more about Bella and Chief Swan than it is about me.

Suddenly, I remember being nine years old again. I was sitting on the couch working on homework. Mom came in and stood there for a moment. I didn’t look up because I was in the middle of a long division problem. She touched my hair and lifted my chin to look me in the eyes. “I love you so much, my sweet boy.” I think I smiled, but I didn’t say anything. She ruffled my hair and went on into the kitchen to go about her day.

She’s looking at me with the same look on her face. She doesn’t say the words right now, so I do. I grab her up in a hug. “I love you, Mom. Thanks for everything you do.” She’s so surprised by my hug that it takes her a minute to relax into it. And then I can smell a tear or two. We are interrupted by a knock on the door. I don’t let go of Mom until she says, “Don’t leave that girl waiting, Monkey.”

I pull away, roll my eyes at her, and she laughs. I open the door to Bella and the sight and smell of her make me feel like I haven’t really breathed all day. She has a big grin on her face and says, “Hi”, softly.

“Hello, Bella.” Mom has come to the door. “Can you come in for a minute?” Mom asks.

“Of course, Ms- I mean, Tiffany! Although, I do need to get to the market before it closes. Do you know what time that is tonight?”

“Should be 10, so you’re fine,” Mom smiles.

“Oh, good. I want to get at least a few of the pies made tonight. And I need to get ingredients for lunch tomorrow, too. Will you be able to join us?” Bella asks.

“Sorry, but I’ll be working tomorrow. I’ll be there Saturday, though, and I will let you know about Friday. Is there anything I can bring?”

“No! The feast on Saturday is a gift. A ‘thank you’ from the Swans for making us feel like family.”

“The way I hear it, you might actually be family if Charlie ever gets up the courage long enough to ask Sue to marry him,” I add.

“I wish he would! I love seeing them together! And having Seth as a little brother would be fantastic!”

“How about Leah as a sister?” I tease.

“We’re working on it. I think I can safely call us friends now, though not even close to bffs,” she winks.

“Well, I won’t keep you kids if you’re going to try to get baking done tonight. Embry’s curfew is midnight, but you’re welcome to spend the night here again.”

I smile at Bella who looks at me with a question in her eyes.

“There have been amendments to the rules,” Mom smirks, “because I trust you both to follow them. Thank you for being so respectful last night.”

Bella’s eyes mist up a little and she moves to hug my Mom. “Thank you so much, Tiffany. I know how much Embry loves you and I won’t ever do anything to get in between a Mama and her monkey.”

At which point they both start giggling and wiping their eyes. I scowl at them both, until Bella hugs me. “Aw, c’mon, Monkey. We need to get to the store. And then we shall make pies! Miss Tiffany, what’s your favorite kind?”

“Mock-cherry pie,” she answers without missing a beat.

“What is the berry that mocks the cherries?”

“Cranberries. My Mother used to make them in the fall because she had a brother who would go down the coast to work the cranberry harvest. He could buy ‘seconds’ really cheaply and would bring back huge bags for us to cook with.”

“Do you have her recipe?” Bella asks, looking excited. I watch her and my mother move into the kitchen where Mom keeps the few recipes she has written down. My heart is swelling as the two women I love best are honoring my ancestors right now. As if she can feel it, Bella looks up and meets my gaze. She gives me a quiet smile, but her eyes tell me that she knows this moment means a lot to me. Was it really just yesterday that I didn’t know she loved me??

“Here it is!” my Mom says, holding out a battered 3x5 notecard with some faded handwriting on it.

“Let me take a picture of the front and back. I don’t want to risk losing a family treasure like that!” Bella says as she takes her phone out of her pocket.

“It’s not exactly an heirloom, Bella,” Mom chuckles.

“But it’s a treasured memory,” Bella says, taking the picture. “Thank you for sharing that with me, so I can share this recipe with everyone else on Saturday.”

Mom looks at me now with a ‘Is she for real?’ look. I smile and nod. Mom shakes her head in disbelief.

I step in, anxious to be alone with my girl. “Bella, we should go. I know Quil was looking forward to seeing you again since he’s working the register tonight.”

“Sure, sure,” Bella mutters as she gets the back side of the card lined up just right for the picture.

I huff a little at Jacob’s favorite non-cussing expression rolling so easily from her lips. But as soon as she’s done with the picture, she’s thanking my Mom again, and then taking my hand to lead me outside. I’m so focused on her proximity and touching me again that I barely remember to say goodbye to my Mom.

As soon as we’re outside in her truck I can’t wait any longer. I move quickly across the bench seat and pull her into my arms.

She sighs and melts into me. “I missed this. All day long I kept thinking about how much I like being in your arms.”

I don’t know the words to tell her just how much this means to me. How much she means to me. How much her sharing her feelings means to me. Instead I hold her tighter and breathe in her scent while she nuzzles into the crook of my neck again. I love that she always ends up there.  
\---------------------------

**Bella**

“I have a feeling that I’m not going to be as productive tonight as I’d planned,” I say still clinging to him.

“Why not?” he whispers with his face buried in my hair again. I think we’re both in our favorite spots right now. This seems to be where we always end up when we touch.

“Because it’s very difficult to shop or make pies in this position.”

He chuckles and lets me go and scoots back over to the other side of the truck. “Don’t let me stop you,” he chuckles.

I make a mewling noise at the absence of both his body and his warmth.

“Bella,” he says my name deeper than normal and it actually sends tingles up my spine, “you can’t make noises like that if you want me to stay over here.”

I blush and realize what he’s saying to me. And then I feel powerful! I can affect Embry Call like that?

“I don’t want you to stay over there!” I say, starting the truck and backing out on to the road. “But for now, it would be the most prudent.”

“I don’t like prudence,” he says with the most adorable scowl ever.

“Was your Mom ever able to scold you when you were little, or was your sheer adorableness simply too much for her to fight against?”

“I’m not adorable!” he complains with mock insult. “I’m the Big Bad Wolf, remember?”

I smile but don’t say anything until we pull in and park at the market. Then it’s my turn to slide across the seat to him. I put my hands on his chest and press my forehead into his. We haven’t kissed since this morning and I have to taste him again.

“First of all, you are actually adorable, Embry Call.”

He is smiling, but barely breathing as he listens to me.

“And you may be a Big Bad Wolf out there,” I point out the window, “but you’re MY Embry wolf right here.” And then I slide my hands from his chest to his face to the back of his head and pull his head down just a fraction more so our lips can touch. I can’t describe his taste, except to say that it’s my new favorite flavor. I would like to stay here forever, but we are interrupted by a knock on the window and I turn to see Quil, waving and grinning. Both Embry and I growl in frustration, and then surprising one another with our reactions laugh and finally climb out of the truck.

“Hey, guys!” Quil says cheerfully. “I heard this beast of a truck pull up and got worried when you didn’t come in right away. I didn’t realize you had company, Bella.” Quil is completely unapologetic about interrupting us. Embry is glowering at him, but Quil is oblivious to it.

I grab Embry’s hand and pull him through the door of the store and since it’s empty, I put both of them to work grabbing everything on my pie ingredient list. And then I have them grab everything I need for meals tomorrow, too.  
\----------------------

**Embry**

Bella transforms in a grocery store. She goes from being sweet, caring, shy Bella, to drill sergeant Bella. I love it. And Quil’s getting a kick out of it, too.

“How many pounds of butter do you need??”

“20 lbs. All unsalted! Be sure to read the label!” she orders him, while selecting the fruits and nuts she wants.

“Bella, you’re going to make it so I have to restock all the shelves tonight,” Quil whines.

“Then you’ll know how your mother and Emily feel every time they feed you and your bottomless pit of a stomach, won’t you?” she says archly, handing me 12 bags of cranberries to take up to the register.

“Quil, do you have any cheese pumpkins?”

“Huh?”

“Cheese pumpkins. They’re sort of flat and a very pale orange color,” she explains.

“Um, no. We have canned pumpkin,” he offers.

She looks at him in horror. “I’ll need 8 of those sugar pie pumpkins instead.”

She wanders over to the baking aisle with the cart and Quil comes up next to me. “Dude, your girl is nuts right now!”

“You won’t be saying that on Saturday when you get to eat all of this will you?” I elbow him.

“Nah. I just forgot what she gets like at the store. That’s why it was always so fun to mess with her. Remember?”

“Don’t you dare!” I warn. If he cuts into any more of my possible alone time with her, I may punch him.

“Fine,” Quil says pretending innocence.

“Quil…” I warn. “I already told on Jake today. You think I won’t throw you under the bus, too? How much pie are you gonna get then?”

Quil gasps. “Dude. That is a low blow. You wouldn’t.”

“I would.”

“Boys!” Bella calls and interrupts our very deep discussion. “Important question: Vanilla ice cream or whipped cream on top?”

“BOTH!” we shout in unison.

So she sends us off to retrieve that as well.

\------------------------

**Bella**

It’s 9:30 by the time we finally get back to Sam’s with all the supplies. Happily Leah and Victor come out to help us unload, so it goes quickly. And then I put everyone to work mixing up pie crusts while I preheat the oven and start on fillings.

“What do you mean the pastry has to rest first?” Leah asks after we’ve mixed all the dough we’ll need for pie crusts.

“It needs a spa day, baby. A nice little massage, maybe,” Victor jokes.

I roll my eyes while mixing the mock cherry pie mixture from Embry’s family recipe. “We just need to wrap the dough in plastic and then let it sit in the fridge for about 30 minutes. It keeps the butter at a workable temperature and keeps the dough from getting too tough.”

“After you put all the dough in there, can you guys hack those pumpkins in half for me please and then scoop out the seeds? I’ll bake them first thing tomorrow morning, but it would be nice to prep them tonight. Here, put the seeds in this colander so I can rinse them off and roast them later!”

“Chum, that is IT! I’m am calling Alex right now!”

“Why?”

“He needs to see that your crazy energy can be put to awesome use! We are totally harnessing this for the rest of the semester! No more dragging us off to belly dance classes!”

Victor facetimes Alex and then points the phone at me.

“Hey, Little Sister! What are you up to?”

“She’s turned us into her culinary slaves!” Victor shouts, pointing the phone back at himself. “Seriously, man, all that crazy is transformed into awesome deliciousness if she has a kitchen! We need an off-campus apartment with a kitchen STAT!”

“How about instead I just study and write my papers and concentrate on getting good grades for the rest of the semester?” I interrupt.

Victor looks at Alex on the phone and then at the same time they both reply, “Nah!”

I laugh. It’s nice to feel like Alex is here, too. “I wish you were here, Alex! I miss you!”

“Promise me that you two will bring me some food when you come back. I need to taste this supposed deliciousness.”

“I don’t know if it will be safe in the car ride!” Leah calls from the table where she and Embry are sitting.

“Hey, Leah!” Alex calls out. Victor points the phone at the table. “Embry! Good to see you, man!”

“Hey, Alex,” Embry waves with the hand holding the knife for halving the pumpkins. “No promises that there will be any leftovers for you. Oh!” he looks at me, “You promised me food!”

I laugh, wash my hands, and pull the covered plate leftover from dinner out of the fridge. “I wondered how long it would take you to remember!”

He takes the plate and leans in to kiss my cheek and whispers, “You were distracting me before with other delicious things.”

I blush and turn to see everyone else in the room, including Alex’s face on the screen of the phone, looking at the two of us with big, happy, “I-knew-it!” grins.

I clap my hands. “Back to work everyone! I have to get Embry home by midnight and we have pies to bake!”

Embry grins at me while eating his dinner. Alex calls out an “Love you, Bella! See you guys Sunday!”

This is the family I choose. What was I ever thinking imagining being part of the Cullen family?

Leah and Victor take off for Forks after I get the last of the apple pies into the oven. The pecan and cranberry ones are cooling on the counter and look fantastic if I do say so myself!

Embry comes up behind me as I’m washing dishes and puts his arms around my waist. I lean back into him. Even with all the help, doing that much baking is tiring. “Bella, let me do this. You go sit.”

I turn and hug him. “Actually, if you don’t mind, I’ll go take a shower. I feel like I’m covered in flour still. Who knew that one cup of flour could make such a mess!” Leah had misjudged her own strength when I’d asked her to “lightly sprinkle the counter with flour” so we could roll out the pie crusts, she ended up pretty much flinging the entire cup of flour across the counter and on to me. I might have thought she did it on purpose except she looked completely mortified.

I chuckle into Embry’s chest.

“Imagining the look on Leah’s face again?” he asks, smiling.

“That was awesome!” I laugh. “Except for the part where I am still covered in flour.”

“You are beautiful covered in flour,” he says and if it weren’t for the look in his eyes, I’d think it was the cheesiest line ever. He leans down and kisses me and forget everything else for a moment except for the way he feels pressed up against me. His lips are so soft against mine.  
===================

**Embry**

I admit that it takes me by surprise when I feel her tongue flick out and lick against my lips. My kissing experience has been minimal. I just didn’t get noticed that much by girls with Jake and Quil always around. There had been stupid games of spin the bottle when we were going to our first girl/boy parties in middle school. But those were fleeting, giggling, close mouthed pecks.

I wonder if Bella can tell that I have no idea what I’m doing. She’s always joking about how inexperienced she is, but I’m the real novice here. It feels so right doing this with her. I like the fact that my first real kiss is with someone I am in love with and not just for fun. And it is for thoughts just like that, that I keep my mind as locked down as possible while in wolf form. Even Seth has more experience with girls than I do! The rest of the pack would all tease me mercilessly if they knew.

She tastes like the apple filling she just put in the pies. Apples and sugar and cinnamon. Apple pie might be my new favorite dessert. She licks my lips again and I open them a little to feel her tongue dart through into my mouth. And that is apparently where my restraint ends. Before I even realize what I’m doing, I lift her up off the ground into my arms. She squeaks in surprise and shivers at my growling. She likes it!  
=============

**Bella**

His lips and teeth and tongue are everywhere and I don’t ever want this to stop! Everywhere he touches my skin it feels like a delicious fire. And then I feel the moment when he is no longer in control. He gets grabbier, pulls harder, presses more forcefully. I love him and his wolf, but right now I need him to be human. Especially if we’re going to get him home by his curfew. My guess is that his wolf doesn’t give a damn about curfew.

I pull away from his lips and just hold him for a minute while we both catch our breath.

“Bella, I’m so-” he starts to apologize.

“Shhh. It’s okay. I’m going to go take a shower. Then we can take out the pies and head back to your house.”

He nods, but looks sad.

“Hey,” I catch his chin and look into his eyes. “I love you. And I really liked this, too,” I say, kissing him softly once more on his slightly swollen lips.

Then I head to the shower before I can change my mind and stay right there with him.

============

**Embry**

I watch her walk away and grab onto the counter to keep myself from following her. It’s moments like this I hate being a wolf. If it were up to him, we really would just mount her and make her ours. I hate that I even have thoughts like that about her.

I turn back to the sink and wash the dishes willing my mind to go blank and my body to relax. I want her so much. All the time. Is this how it is for everybody or am I some kind of freak?

I smell her before I see her, but I don’t turn around. She steps behind me and circles my waist with her arms, just like I did to her a few minutes ago. “Hey, thanks for doing these dishes,” she mumbles, her face pressed into my back. I sigh.

“Embry?”

But before I can say anything, the timer goes off telling us that the pies are done. Bella startles and slides her arms off of me, grabs the hot pads and pulls out the beautiful pies. She sets them on top of the stove to cool, turns off the oven, and turns to look at me.

“Embry,” she sounds timid, “are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?” She’s not looking at me.

She thinks I’m mad at HER? I close the distance between us and grab her into my arms, “Oh, Bella, no! I’m not mad at you! I was upset with myself for losing control for a minute with you. I thought I’d scared you away. I don’t want you to think that I’m one of those guys. I’ve never done any of this before and my wolf is pushing me a lot, so I’m trying to be really careful. I just forgot for a moment because everything felt so...good.” I duck my head a little as I say it, kind of embarrassed.

“Really?” she looks at me, still unsure.

“I’m so sorry you thought that I was mad. I’m not very good at any of this”

She chuckles dryly. “Me, neither.” She hugs me tightly. “C’mon. Let’s get you home before curfew. What are the rules for tonight?”

“We can sleep in my bed as long as the door stays open. Kissing is okay, but clothes need to stay on,” I say, blushing at that last part.

She squeezes my hand and looks at me in sympathy. She understands embarrassment better than anyone. “Your Mom is remarkably cool about all this. My Dad would have you sleep in the next county if you were coming for a sleepover.”

“My Mom trusts you. You’re the very responsible daughter of the police chief. And you had a horrible break-up a year ago and still managed to score a scholarship to a fancy college. And are friends with everyone on the rez. You’re basically the perfect girl for me to bring home.”

“Even though I’m the palest of palefaces?”

“At least you’re not blonde,” I tease and she pretend punches me. “There will be some who will say things, but my Mom isn’t one of them. Most of the people on this rez treated her badly for a long time because she was from an ‘enemy tribe’. And you know nobody in the pack thinks less of you for being white.”

She seems uncomfortable, but I decide to wait until we get to my house to talk more. “Are you ready?”

She nods and grabs her bag, turns out the lights and we head out the door. We have to hustle to get to my house before midnight, but we make it and are very quiet about going into my room.

I’ve never had a girl in my room before. I picked up this afternoon just in case she came over again. And my bed is made with clean sheets. I’m sure my Mom did that after our chat. I will definitely need to thank her for her thoughtfulness.

“Do you want the bathroom?” I whisper.

She shakes her head. “I brushed my teeth back at the house. I just need to change, but I can do that in here while you go get ready.”

“Do you promise to not fall asleep while I’m gone? Because we still need to talk,” I ask, reaching out to cup her cheek in my hand. She leans into my hand and tells me to hurry, then pulls back the blankets and climbs into my bed.

“What’s that smile on your face for?”

I stare in wonder for another beat. “I was just wishing that I could take a picture of this moment and send it back in time to myself a year ago promising that ‘It Gets Better’. Because this right here?” I point to her in my bed, “This is a dream come true.”

She beams at me. “You have perfect words sometimes. I love you, Embry Call.”

I grin. “Another dream come true.”

We stare at each other smiling for another minute before I finally force myself to grab my towel and go into the bathroom to quickly get ready for bed. While I’m brushing my teeth I keep my eyes on the mirror. I’m not the girl magnet that her other two boyfriends were, but I’m not ugly either. She’s always dated gorgeous guys. Does she feel like I’m a step down? I rinse my mouth out and close my eyes. No. In one day she’s been more affectionate with me verbally, and physically that she ever was with them. I think. I mean I wasn’t with them all the time, but she never gave Jake more than a peck if there were other people around.

What the hell am I doing in the bathroom when the girl of my dreams is waiting in my bed?? I’m an idiot.

When I get back to my room I find her cuddled under the blankets and just the desk light on to illuminate the room. She peeks out from under the quilt and crooks her finger in a “come hither” motion. Seriously. Dreams are coming true left and right in the last 24 hours! I’m probably going to be hit by a bus tomorrow. The universe has never allowed this much happy into my life all at once.

I guess if I’m going to be hit by a bus, I might as well enjoy the time I have left, right? So, I turn out the light and climb under the blanket with her.

\---------------------

**Bella**

I immediately roll into his warmth and cuddle up to his side as he lays on his back with one arm wrapped around me. I’m ready to be brave and lay it all out for him. I can do this.

I can do this!

I am terrified.

What if we’re not on the same page?

No. He loves me!

He also loves pizza.

What if he only loves me on the same level as he loves pizza?

“Your pulse is going crazy right now. What’s got you so nervous?” he whispers, his arms pulling me closer to him.

Before I can stop myself I blurt, “When you say you love me, would you say that is more or less than you love pizza?” And then I hide my face from him because I sound like an idiot regardless of his feelings on the matter. Suddenly the blanket shifts, and I realize that Embry is stuffing part of it in his mouth to quiet his laughter.

Why is he laughing?

I prop my head up and begin to drum my fingers on his chest when he still hasn’t stopped laughing after several seconds.

He finally manages some control, and smooths the quilt back down. He gets a good look at my face.

“Wait. Bella, are you serious?”

I say nothing, but something in my face must convey my seriousness because he flips us both over so I’m on my back and he is hovering over me. He presses his body to me just enough that I feel safe and secure, but not enough for me to be crushed by him.

His eyes are looking into mine again, so tenderly. “Bella, I love you with every good thing in my heart. It’s you. You’re everywhere and in everything. I can’t get through five minutes without thinking about you.” He kisses me as if it is the punctuation to each sentence he utters.

If I could stay right here like this for always, I would never be afraid of anything ever again. Now I kiss him. He pulls back for a moment and looks at me with a glint in his eyes. “For the record, I can go entire days without thinking about pizza.” I giggle and pull him back to me.

After several minutes of getting to know one another better (I learn he likes it when I nibble his lower lip and then lightly lick the same spot in apology), I roll him over, so we can lay on our sides facing one another in the dark.

I am gratified to see that he looks dazed and doesn’t seem to want to stop what we’ve been doing. But he complies and contents himself with watching his fingers as they play with my long hair which is probably a terrifying sight to behold right now. The braid I usually put it in before bed isn’t just for show, it’s so I don’t wake up with a giant rat’s nest on my head.

“So, here’s the deal,” I begin and he stills his fingers in my hair and looks at me. “I love you.”

He smiles almost in relief.

“I love you enough to risk whatever might come. I could get hit by a car next week and die. You could be bitten by a vampire. We just don’t know. But, I want you as long as I can have you, Embry. And I promise that if you do imprint, I won’t stand in the way. I will respect that bond and give you the space you need to be with her. I will keep in touch with the pack, though, if that’s what they want. I don’t want them to ever feel like they have to take sides. I just don’t know if I can react quite as well to your imprint as I did to Katie. It will hurt more, so I might need time and space, but you know I won’t scream and carry on or make it difficult for either one of you.”

“Bella,” he says, “I don’t have an imprint.”

“But you might someday. And I need to have a plan in place for me to feel okay about it. Think of this as a wolfy pre-nup,” I offer.

His eyes light up with mischief,” Oh! A pre-nup! Are we getting married?”

I swat at him. He catches my hand and pulls me closer. I nuzzle into his chest. “It will really hurt, Embry, but I want this with you for as long as I can have it. I won’t give up this time just because I’m afraid of something that may or may not happen. I love you too much.”

He kisses the top of my head, “You are so much more than I deserve, Bella. Like I said, my wolf already thinks of you as his mate, so I don’t see how I could ever imprint on anyone else-”

“Shh!,” I put my hand over his mouth. “I don’t want to talk about the possibility or not of it anymore. If it happens, we’ll deal. If it doesn’t, we’ll also deal...but with more kissing.”

And I push him onto his back as he pulls me up his chest and we continue to get to know one another better for a long time. Minutes or hours later we finally fall asleep with swollen lips, content smiles, and breathing gentle ‘I love yous’ as our last coherent words to one another.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

 

**Bella POV**

 

I wake up early the next morning and watch Embry sleep. It makes me realize that for all that Embry is typically credited as the calmest wolf- or used to be- I’ve never seen him totally relaxed. To see him so vulnerable right now feels like he’s showing me an incredible amount of trust. He’s always beautiful, but the innocence of his sleeping face pulls at something inside of me. I reach out and brush his hair away from his eyes. I love his hair. Then I find my fingers tracing the muscles of his chest which are visible through the tight sleeveless t-shirt he wore to bed last night in deference to his Mom’s clothing policy for the two of us.

 

His breathing changes as he slowly wakes up. And even though his eyes haven’t opened yet, he smiles and says, “Please help me wake up every morning. And help me get ready for school. At the rate you’re going, you could almost turn me into a morning person, Bella.”

 

I giggle and burrow my nose into the crook of his neck again as he hugs me closer to him. This is my favorite place to be. We both sigh contentedly and doze in and out for a bit longer.

================

**Embry POV**

 

“Gah!” she yells, sitting up. “Is that the time?! I have to get back to Sam’s and bake the pumpkins! And get lunch ready! Everyone will be at the house in just a few hours!”

 

While I definitely preferred the way she woke me up an hour ago to this wake up, seeing her in my bed first thing in the morning makes up for being jerked out of sleep so suddenly. I smile at her as she panics about lunch and tries to scramble over me. Her hair is crazy right now, so I tell her to sit still for just a moment. I sit up, put her in my lap, and grab my brush off the desk next to my bed. My hair used to be much longer and braids were often easiest to keep it from getting in my way. She calms down as I begin gently brushing through her beautiful, soft hair.

 

“How can I help you this morning, Bella?” I ask quietly. I can feel her panic of two minutes ago begin to melt away with each brush stroke.

 

“Mmmm. This, please. This is gooooood,” she purrs as I finish brushing and begin to braid.

 

I chuckle at how relaxed she suddenly is. I grab an elastic from the desk drawer and tie off the braid. When I’m done, I kiss the back of her neck. She shivers and whirls around in my lap and knocks me back down to the mattress.

 

“You are the best boyfriend ever, Embry Call,” she says hovering over my prone body. And then she kisses me in a way that leaves all other kisses in the dust. This is a kiss that says ‘I love you, I cherish you, I _want_ you’.

 

“Wow,” is all I can say when she finally sits back up.

 

She smiles at me and jumps out of bed. “I have to get back!” she grabs her bag and runs to the bathroom where I can hear her quickly getting ready. I lay in bed for another minute just reveling in her scent that is all over me and my sheets. It fills my room! My wolf is content right now.

 

I hear that she is nearly done so I quickly change into clean clothes and head to the bathroom. As soon as she comes out, I say, “Give me 2 minutes and I’ll come with you.”

 

I don’t have anywhere else I have to be today, so if she’ll let me, I will spend all of it with her.

============

**Bella POV**

 

We get home in time for me to throw the pumpkins in the oven to bake, then grab some muffins and milk for us to eat a quick breakfast.

 

Victor and Leah come in the door laughing together and  join us for breakfast. It’s so good to see Leah looking happy. She is beautiful when she is ferocious, but she is breathtaking when she’s happy. I put them to work finishing up the crusts for the pumpkin pies, while I get lunch things started.

 

The four of us work well together. Laughing and teasing and in the case of the two couples in the room, sharing looks full of meaning to one another in our few moments of downtime.

 

After a bit, Embry and Victor head outside to throw a football around while we wait for guests to arrive.

 

“You look good, Swan,” Leah states as I wipe off the counters.

 

“So do you, Clearwater.”

 

She chuckles. “How did the talk go last night?”

 

So I explain the wolfy pre-nuptial agreement and she throws her head back in laughter.

 

“Only you, Swan! That’s fantastic! I can’t wait to tell the rest of the pack!”

 

“What about you?” I ask.

 

“What about me?” she says, defensively.

 

“Did you guys talk?”

 

“Nope. And I don’t plan on it any time soon,” she answers as if that is that.

 

I look at her with concern, but nod my head. I understand avoiding it.

 

I change the subject. “So, how about I make some dessert sauces now? Want to learn how?”

 

“I’ll just watch this time, but tonight is going to be fun!” she says rubbing her hands together.

 

We laugh and tease as I make the chocolate sauce. “What kind of a consistency do you want?” I ask.

 

“What are my options?”

 

“Well, do you want to be able to pour it, or spread it? We can go as thin as syrup or as thick as frosting.”

 

“Mmmm...frosting...No. That can be another night. Syrup, please,” and she glances out to the yard where the guys are.

 

“You are totally going to owe me a new set of sheets after this,” I mutter. “Chocolate stains, you know.”

 

Leah giggles and elbows me. “Are you going to keep any extra for you?”

 

I blush, but the idea isn’t unappealing.

 

“You forget that I know how to make this whenever I want,” I say.

 

“Lucky Embry,” she snarks. “You’re pretty great sometimes, Swan. I guess if our parents decide to make things official, having you as a sister would be okay.”

 

I’m truly touched by her words. Leah doesn’t open up easily, and yet the past few days she has been doing just that with me.

 

“Since Embry braided my hair and robbed us of that essential sleepover bonding experience, I’m going to give you another hug.”

 

“What’s with all the hugging, Swan?” Leah gruffs.

 

“Don’t tell anyone, but I’m secretly trying to tame you in the hopes you’ll make an excellent housepet one of these days.”

 

She laughs again and we hug like friends do.

 

The moment is ruined as Paul walks through the door saying, “Sweet! You two are totally fulfilling one of my fantasies right now! Although, in my mind there was a lot less clothing involved.”

 

I laugh while Leah reaches over and smacks him on the back of the head which leads to the two of them running all over Sam’s house trying to punch each other.

 

Rachel comes in the door behind him carrying some jugs of cider. “Ignore him,” she rolls her eyes, then winks at me. “Watch this. ‘Paul, baby, if you don’t stop harassing Leah right now, there’ll be no sex for a week.’”

 

Paul absolutely freezes in place.

 

“A week??” a horrified expression comes over his face. “That is harsh, babe. Truly harsh.” But he does docilely head back outside to get the rest of the bottles of drink.

 

Rachel is a notoriously bad cook, so when she asked what she could bring, I asked her to just be in charge of picking up some juice and soda. I figured she couldn’t ruin anything prepackaged.

 

Billy and my Dad arrive a few minutes later, trailed by Sue and Seth. Victor and Embry come in and turn on the tv to find one of the many football games. I smile and revel in the beautiful chaos of this family as I check the huge pans of homemade mac and cheese I have in the oven.

 

“Bella, is that the kind with bread crumbs on top?!” Seth bounces behind me in excitement. And possibly hunger.

 

“Yes, Sethy. I promised you I’d make it while I was here. When the timer goes off, will you get them out for me and put them here on top of the burners, please?”

 

“Of course I will! Can I do anything else to help you?” He’s still bouncing.

 

“No, sweetie, but I’m about to send you outside to run laps if you don’t calm down in here. I’m accident-prone enough as it is. I don’t need you bumping into me!”

 

Seth stills instantly. “Bella, I would never!”

 

“Not on purpose, silly boy. Here, take this, go sit at the table and chop up these cucumbers for me, please.”

 

Embry comes into the kitchen and pulls me into a quick hug. I pull him down so I can kiss him on the cheek. He moves to the sink to get to work on the most recent round of dirty dishes I’ve placed there.

 

“Oh, Embry, you don’t have to-”

 

“Bella,” he says, “being near you makes me happy. Helping you makes me happy,” he pouts a little, “Don’t you want me to be happy?”

 

I can’t keep the grin off my face. “Do you know what makes me happy?”

 

“What?”

 

“You,” I say and step closer to him.

 

The fake pout turns into a smile and a look that could make a girl weak at the knees. “Bella,” he whispers before pulling me close as kissing me. We’re in public and Embry seems to intuit how I feel about PDA, but he keeps things appropriate.

 

“What the hell?” I hear Charlie say from the living room. He’s openly gawking at us.

 

“Busted,” I whisper against Embry’s lips as I pull back.

 

He smiles as if he’s won the lottery. “Wish me luck. I’ll be right back to do the dishes.”

 

Embry Call is the only guy I know who would be excited to go talk to a girl’s father about the romantic nature of the relationship with said girl.  And with that, Embry steps around me and asks my father if they can ‘have a word’ outside. Billy and Sue are chuckling, but Seth looks like he’s like to join them.

 

“Bella?” Seth asks as he brings the sliced cucumbers back to me in the kitchen.

 

“Thanks for doing that, Seth,” I say taking the cutting board from him.

 

“So you and Embry?” Seth asks cagily.

 

“Mm hm,” I answer, knowing I have that grin on my face again.

 

“Does everybody know?” Seth asks sounding both disbelieving and slightly hurt.

 

“Hey,” I say, pulling him in for a hug, “No, Seth. This all just happened. I mean, it’s been happening slowly, but this part just happened yesterday basically.”

 

“Did he imprint on you?” Seth asks in confusion.

 

“No. But we’re trying it anyway.”

 

“Bella--” he sounds worried.

 

“It’s okay Seth. I’m happy. We’ve already discussed everything. Embry can show you next time you phase together.”

 

There were a lot of advantages to the whole mind sharing thing, actually. It meant I didn’t have to repeat every conversation to every wolf. I could just let Embry take care of the “story”.

 

“I will kill him if he hurts you,” Seth says with a glower towards the front porch where Embry and my Dad went..

 

“Me, too, Swan!” shouts Paul from the couch where he’s using his wolf hearing for some eavesdropping, apparently. “Except, if you hurt him, I can make your life pretty miserable, too,” he adds. And I’m grateful for it. I appreciate that everyone is out to protect me, but Embry has feelings, too.

 

“I know, Sethy. And I love you for it. You, too, Paul!,” I yell across the room, “But just like I told Jake yesterday, nobody gets to kill or hurt or maim anybody until I say so. Got it?”

 

“Jake knows?? And he didn’t punch Embry?”

 

“Not that Jake has any moral high ground to stand on in this case, but, no. He didn’t. Because I asked him not to. Besides, I think that soon enough, if our parents don’t screw anything up, you might actually be my little brother which means I get to boss you around!”

 

“I already have the bossy big sister spot wrapped up, Swan,” Leah says coming in from the backyard, Victor following close behind her.

 

Seth wrinkles his nose. “She really does. Don’t be that kind of big sister, please.”

 

“Ah, but it’s different. I boss you around sweetly and then give you brownies so you think the whole thing was your idea in the first place.”

 

Seth stops and thinks about it. “Woah. Bella, I’ve been your puppet on a string all along, haven’t I?”

 

“No, silly. You’ve been my puppy on a leash.”

========

 

When I call everyone into the kitchen to get food, it is Sue who offers to retrieve my Dad and Embry.

 

“Don’t worry, Bella, they were out there tossing that old football around when I found them,” Sue reassures me when she sees the look of concern on my face.

 

Embry enters the room looking no worse for wear. My Dad enters with his Sherriff face on, but takes one look at Embry and I staring at one another from across the counter, and says, “I meant every word, son.”

 

I hug my Dad. “Just the usual death threats, Dad?”

 

“And a reminder that I know how to properly dispose of all evidence of murder,” he huffs.

 

“You’ll have to get in line,” Seth says, glowering hard at Embry and trying to puff himself up to be as large and menacing as a 15 year old wolf boy can possibly be.

 

“Oh, lay off, you guys. Embry knows the score. Every guy that Bella even knows peripherally here on La Push will happily kill him if he hurts her. Geesh. It’s a wonder any guy wants to go out with her, the way you all carry on! Give the two of them some credit, will you? They’ve been friends forever and aren’t walking into this blindly,” Leah glares at everybody after this impassioned speech.

 

“Aw, Leah, I didn’t know you cared,” Embry teases, which cuts the surprise in the room and everybody chuckles a little and continues getting their food.

 

“Thanks, Leah,” I tell her quietly.

 

“No problem, Swan. It’s all that damn hugging. You’re making me go soft.”

 

“In all the right places, girl,” Victor whispers as he puts his arm around her.

 

Paul narrows his eyes at Victor. Victor seems to be stealing his lines. He doesn’t think that way about Leah of course, but we all know that the lascivious and suggestive comments belong to Paul.

 

I look at Victor and then snort a giggle as I realize that he and Leah have not been in the house for a while. “Um, V, you’ve got a little caramel right there under your ear.”

 

He grins widely. “Wanna help me with that, Leah?”

 

“Oops, looks like I missed a spot!” she says shoving him out the door to the backyard with her eyes never leaving his.

 

“What was that all about?” Rachel asks.

 

Everyone looks at me for an answer and I know I’ve turned bright red.

 

“Um, they’ve just been testing out a few recipes for me,” I stammer. “So, shall we go sit in the living room and watch the game?” I cheerfully ask and try to redirect the attention.

 

It works on everyone except Paul who comes over and whispers, “I can’t wait to phase with Leah next week! I have a feeling it’s going to be very educational.”

 

I whisper back, “Why, Paul! The way you tell it, I didn’t think you had anything left to learn.”

 

He’s stunned for a minute by my response and then chuckles and mutters just quietly enough for the wolves in the room to hear, “You’ll have your hands full with this one, Call. Good luck!”

 

=======================

**Embry POV**

 

The rest of Thanksgiving and the following day are spent in much the same way. We spend as much time together as possible, but are often surrounded by friends and family as we cook, shop, walk, play games, and even read together.

 

My Mom might kick me out and just adopt Bella, actually. On Friday, Bella and I were curled up together on the couch reading when my Mom got home from work.

 

“Hello, you two! Something smells fantastic!” my Mom says while she’s hanging up her purse and coat.

 

“It’s Bella’s lasagna,” I say as we try to untangle all of our limbs from one another. “Oh, and we did the grocery shopping today, too, from that list you left on the counter.”

 

Mom stops and turns around to look at me. “You did?”

 

“It was Bella’s idea since we were going to the store anyway for all the food for the feast.”

 

“I hope you don’t mind, Tiffany, but we were doing so much shopping that a few more groceries was no big deal,” Bella says, sounding unsure of herself.

 

“Well, let me at least pay-”

 

“Mom, it’s fine. I took the money from the grocery jar. I put the change and the receipt back in there when we got home.”

 

My Mom stands up a little straighter and then throws her arms around the both of us. “Oh, thank you! I am so tired from all the extra hours this week. I really appreciate this.”

 

“And since dinner is already cooking, you have time to take a nap or a bath,” Bella offers shyly.

 

“How did your Mother ever let you go?? Embry, we are keeping her forever. Don’t screw this up,” she looks at me with sternness and I hug Bella to my side.

 

“I have no plans of screwing up, Mom, but she does need to go back to school in a couple of days.” Bella tightens her grip around me, but even as I say it, my wolf who has been so content he’s practically been curled up in a ball for the last few days is suddenly is alert and snarling.

 

My smile suddenly feels strained as I have to fight against him. Mom heads off for a shower when Bella lets her know it will still be another 30 minutes until dinner is ready. She waits until my Mom is down the hall and then attacks me.

 

Bella jumps in my arms and we begin making out in earnest. Her hands clutch and stroke and pull and pinch, while her mouth keeps mine too busy with kissing to even think about saying anything. The timer goes off and Bella startles at the sound, releasing my lower lip from her mouth in a popping sound as she gasps in surprise. She takes the foil off the lasagna and puts it back in for 10 more minutes and then turns to smile at me.

 

“So, not that I’m complaining, but what was that all about?” I reach out to hold her hands.

 

She shrugs, but with a sly smile looks right into my eyes. “It felt like you needed it.”

 

Damn. How does she know? That’s the kind of thing the imprints do. They can feel when one needs some additional assurance.

 

I rest my forehead against hers. “I really did. Thanks.”

 

My wolf is settled back down.

 

Sunday morning is going to suck.

  



	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay, everyone! I'm back, though. And the story is very nearly done being written. I should be able to update once or twice a week for the next month. Let me know which you'd prefer.
> 
> Incidentally, the song mentioned is "Hold On" by Rob Thomas. Check out the video on youtube. The playfulness of the couple in it remind me a little of what our characters could be like together. I thought of them immediately when I first heard it a year ago.
> 
> Happy New Year!

Chapter 23

**Embry**

She spent last night in my arms and in my bed while I whispered promises in her ear. She wouldn’t let me promise to never imprint or never love another. So, instead I promised that I would love her as long as the spirits let me. I promised I would never do anything to purposely hurt her. I promised that my heart was hers. I promised I would always help keep her safe.

She was the one who made the last promise, though, and it sounded like a vow. “I will always love you, Embry Call.”

Her declaration made me shiver. Paul was right in what he said about Bella. She loves with her whole heart. I’d seen her in relationships and after relationships. I believed that she would love me forever. I only hoped that I’d be allowed to love her back for just as long.

==========  
**Bella**

Embry unlocks the back door to his school and leads me into the kitchen with it’s industrial size everything.

“THIS is what all of us who ever have to cook for wolves need in a kitchen!” I say in wonder.

Embry laughs at me as I excitedly run all over the kitchen to check it out. “Look at the size of these bowls! And these whisks!”

“I’ll go grab the boxes of groceries,” Embry continues to chuckle as he heads back outside.

“Can you take those enormous turkeys over to the sink for me, please?” I’d opted for making seven 18 lb birds instead of just a couple of giants. They would cook more quickly so I’d have the oven free for side dishes to cook.

We work side by side really well. I kind of go into the zone when I’m in the kitchen, so finding someone who can work with me without talking too much is a blessing. It didn’t take long at all to get the birds rinsed, dried, rubbed, seasoned, stuffed with veggies, herbs, and sliced up citrus fruits, then doused with melted butter and white wine.

“Excellent! Now we can go set the tables!”

“Oh, yay!” Embry teases.

“You did promise that if I cooked, you would help with decorating. Did you forget your promise to me already?” It’s not until the words are out of my mouth that I realize there is a bit of a double meaning to them.

Embry realizes, though, and steps closer to hug me. “You can trust me, Bella.”

“I know, Embry. I promise I wasn’t fishing. It was just a slip of the tongue.”

===========

As I’m standing at the sink washing my hands for the umpteenth time that morning, he plugs his iPod into a small speaker he brought with him. When he turns to look at me, I notice he’s blushing a little.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Well, I heard this song a couple of weeks ago and it made me think of you.”

I probably shouldn’t find his shyness quite as endearing as I do. But he’s so open and so willing to be vulnerable with me. He’s such a gift. I feel my heart swell as I just stand there gazing at the beauty and wonder that is Embry Call.

I hear some guitar strumming and don’t really understand so far why he thinks of me when I hear the first few lines. But he holds out his hand like he wants to dance with me.

“I’m the worst dancer,” I balk.

“Please?”

Uh-oh. I am in trouble. There is no way I can say “no” when he looks at me like that! So I reach my hand out and suddenly we’re swaying close together as he sings the chorus to me:

“First thing: we make you feel better  
Next stop: we pull it all together  
I'll keep you warm like a sweater  
Take my hand, hold on forever  
Just fall apart if you need to  
I'm here and I won't leave you now  
Don't look down  
Hold on forever”

Him singing to me while swaying with me like this is clouding my brain. How did I not know what a beautiful voice he has? He’s flooding all of my senses with his touch, his voice, his kisses. I giggle. “Well, you definitely have the keeping me warm part down pat.” He twirls me.

I add quietly while looking him directly in the eyes, “And you certainly make me feel better.”

“I like to think we’ve finally pulled it all together, too,” he says with a smile, but then the smile fades and he gets this intense look in his eyes.

“Thank you for loving me, Bella.” My heart almost breaks for how earnestly he says it.

“Embry,” I grab his face in my hands and force him to look at me, “how could I not?”

Without breaking eye contact he lifts me up and sets me on one of the industrial stainless steel countertops, so our faces are at a more even height. He looks like he might cry. “Embry, what’s wrong?” I whisper.

“You are leaving again tomorrow. I don’t know how I’ll handle having you away again when I just finally got you. I was going crazy before. I don’t know if I’ll be better or worse now when you go.” He rests his forehead against mine as we simply breathe.

“Want me to roll around on all your clothes and sleep in your bed some more?” I tease.

“Yes!” he says so quickly it takes me by surprise and I laugh and can’t help but lean forward and kiss him.

“Okay, but only if you get your scent all over my clothes, too, AND let me take home a few of your t-shirts to sleep in. I need you to wear them first, though.”

He leans forward and captures my lips again. Kissing him feels perfect and I’m not sure how I’m going to drive away tomorrow. Once you feel something like this, how can you not want to grab on and hold tight with both hands? As if he’s heard my thoughts, Embry grabs my hips and scoots me closer to him. I’m still sitting on the counter, but just the edge now, and my legs wrap around him to pull him closer to me, too. As soon as our bodies touch, he growls low and becomes more frantic as he deepens his kisses.

“Damn! Are you two just always at it, or am I super lucky and happen to be the guy who always catches you?” I hear Quil’s voice boom as he enters the kitchen.

Embry actually snarls at him.

“Hey,” I say, pulling Embry’s face back to look at mine. “You’re okay. I’m okay. We like Quil and we need to get back to cooking anyway. We will get back to this later.”

He exhales slowly as if he’s trying to remember how to be in control. I place a kiss on his cheek and push him back enough that I can hop back down to the floor.

 

=========================  
**Embry**

My moods are still unstable. I had hoped it would calm down a little with her here, although, I’m calm much quicker. And I’m certainly not as jittery with Bella nearby. Tomorrow is going to suck.

“You okay, man?” Quil asks so quietly, I know Bella can’t hear him. I appreciate that he knows how rattled I am and is being a friend. I should definitely feel guiltier that about 90 seconds ago I wanted to rip his head off for interrupting me and Bella. I nod my head.

Bella opens the huge oven to baste the turkeys and in no time at all, Quil and I are chopping vegetables and peeling potatoes. Bella touches me as much as she can while still getting everything done that needs doing.

Soon, Victor and Leah join us. “Hey, Chum! Need a hand? Or four!” Victor yells as he walks in holding up his hand which is intertwined with Leah’s.

She glances at me as Victor gives Bella a hug. I know she sees me tense up a little at the action.

“Can you two help Embry set the tables in the other room, please?” Bella asks, since we never actually got around to that before.

“What about me??” Quil whines.

“You are still in trouble for interrupting my very nice time AGAIN, so you get to peel every last potato there.”

“That’s not fair! I didn’t do it on purpose!”

“You have super hearing and super smell, you honestly didn’t know? Anyway, not the point,” says bossy Bella. “When you’re done peeling, though, I’ll let you call the others for reinforcements. I’m nearly to the point where I need more people to boss around.”

“C’mon, baby, let’s get out of here before she gives us another job! I know that look in her eye. It’s the one she gets right before she runs me and Alex ragged!”

The three of us head into the cafeteria proper. I keep glancing back over my shoulder through the open door to catch glimpses of her as she moves through the kitchen.

“Dude,” Victor says. “You should go to her house tonight. Leah and I can figure something else out.”

My hope flares for a moment, until I remember that Sam and Emily are coming home tonight. When I remind them, Leah swears.

“Actually, it’s no problem. We’ll tell Sam we’re all going down to Forks for the night, after you and Bella talk to him. He better get back early. I don’t want to waste my night.”

“Yeah, but, I was suggesting the house because…”

“They’re not going to have sex yet, Victor,” Leah rolls her eyes.

My wolf gets miffed at this statement, but I remind him to put it in the “taking care of her” category. She’s not ready for that. Hell, I’m not ready for that. Although, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it. A lot. Also, if she said she was ready right this minute, I’m pretty sure I would suddenly be ready, too. I have to remain silent and still right now, because otherwise I will groan and bang my head against one of the tables.

How can everything be so awesome and still so messy? I just want to be able to spend time with the girl I love. Alone. Without her father, college friends, parents, and the whole damn pack.

Leah looks at me again. “Keep it together, Call. I promise I will get you two some alone time. Just leave it to me. In fact, I’ll be right back. Victor, you and I are going to work on fantasies 11 and 12 tonight.” And with that, she gives him a sloppy kiss on the cheek and walks out the door. Leah swishes her hips a lot more when she’s around Victor. Or thinking about Victor… OH! I just now realize what the “special dessert” was for.

I’m sure I’m blushing. But then I look at Victor who’s smiling like a dope while watching her swish out the door and ask. “11 and 12?”

He smiles a smile that can only be described as wolfish. “Forest and cave.”

“Oh,” is all I can manage. I really don’t want to think about Leah like that. She’s like my sister.

“Where did Bella get all the stuff for this?” Victor asks while we wander up and down the tables setting out the plates, napkins, and utensils.

“Collin and Brady’s Moms run a catering company part-time, so Bella called and asked if she could rent their dishes. She also invited their whole families when she explained that it was for everyone in Sams’s “group of youth volunteers”.

“Their parents don’t know either?” Victor asks. “Man, I don’t know how you guys keep up the facade.”

“It’s not easy. I hate lying to my Mom, but I can’t go against orders either, so…”

“Rock and a hard place, huh?”

“Yeah, except I’m breaking my Mom’s heart. Having Bella here the last few days is helping our relationship a little, though.”

“How so?” Victor seems genuinely interested. He’s a good guy.

“I think my Mom can see that Bella makes me better.”

“You seem a lot more on edge than when I met you at school last month. Is that because we’re on your home turf?”

“No,” I say. And then suddenly I find myself bearing my soul to Victor. Dang. I’m a mess these days. First Paul and now Victor. I explain the fear of imprinting, but not understanding the wolf’s thoughts of her as mate without the imprint. It feels so good to talk to other wolves about this. I don’t think I realized how much it’s been pressing on me.

“Wait. So, all this dancing around each other was because of imprinting?” Victor seems bewildered.

“Well, yeah. After what happened to Leah-”

“What happened to Leah?” Victor bristles. Oh, crap. Does he really not know this story? What have they been talking about for the last 2 months?

“Uh- I don’t know if it’s my place to tell that part of the story. Sorry, man, if she hasn’t talked to you about it, I have to assume she’s got her own reasons.” Instead I tell him about Bella and Jake.

“So, that’s why we’ve all been afraid to move forward with relationships,” I conclude.

Victor’s face seems to rapidly change expressions. He goes from surprise, to disbelief, to anger, to pity.

“You guys are so clueless.” His eyes look towards the kitchen, “That poor, brave little girl. I had no idea what she was going through this whole time. If only she’d talked to us about it!”

“What are you talking about, Victor?”

“Is that what Leah thinks, too? What does she think about what she and I are doing? She’s been setting herself up for heartbreak with me, too?”

“I don’t know, man. She’s happy you’re here, but she keeps all that locked down pretty well. Even if she didn’t, I wouldn’t tell you what’s in her head. But, yeah, I have to believe that she decided you were worth the risk of having her heart broken again.”

“Again?” he looks at me sharply.

“You’ve got to talk to her. I won’t betray her confidence. She’d tear me apart, for one thing,” I smile.

“And for the other, you’re a good friend. I get it,” Victor says.

“Listen. I need to tell you things. Things you all need to hear, but I’d really like to talk to Leah first. I’m going to see if I can track her down.”

He gets up and moves towards the kitchen. “I need to go hug your girl. Are you okay with that, or are you going to get pissy again?”

Damn, he noticed that before. “You’re her friend. I know that. I know you don’t care for her like a lover.”

He looks at me, “But?”

“But the wolf does not see things that way. You’re an unmated male from a rival pack,” I shrug.

“Rival?”

“Look, my wolf is a jealous, territorial ass, apparently. Take it up with him. I managed to keep him reined in.”

“Yeah, you did. You’re doing phenomenally well considering what you’ve been going through, too. I’m sorry I didn’t realize how little your pack knew.” He looks at me sadly.

“You’re not going to have to hug me, are you?” I joke.

“Ha! No. We’re good, man.”

We both grab the crates now empty of dishes and head back into the kitchen. After we stack them in the corner, Victor heads over to Bella and wraps her in a gentle embrace.

“Little sister, you are so brave and strong. I love you.”

==================  
**Bella**

I’m not really sure what’s happening right now. As touchy feely as wolves are, Victor doesn’t generally hug. He slings an arm around my shoulders, or grabs and pushes playfully, but he’s never held me like this. And he’s certainly never declared his love for me. Both of those things are traditionally done by Alex.

I glance at Embry who is watching, but seems to be okay with this. Hm. I wonder what they were talking about? “Hey, V. Love you, too. I’m so glad you’re here with me this weekend.”

He kisses the top of my head, lets go of me, nods at Embry, and walks out the door.

I cock a questioning head at Embry who shrugs his shoulders as if to say that he doesn’t know either.

“DONE!” Quil shouts as he holds up the last peeled potato in triumph.

I laugh, “All hail the conquering hero!”

“Bet yer ass, I conquered!” Quil growls at the pile of potatoes.

“Embry, will you chop the potatoes in quarters and put them in this big pot while Quil runs me back to the cabin to get the rest of the stuff from the fridge? I‘m going to need to get those to room temperature before I can put them in the oven as soon as the turkeys are done.”

Embry moves towards me. “Quil go wait outside please, and DON’T come back in unless you smell vampire,” I growl at him. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Only a minute, Bella? Surely you can do better than that for my man Embry!” Quil snickers.

“OUT!” both Embry and I shout.

He holds his hands up in defense, “I’m going, I’m going!”

**========================**   
**Embry**

My wolf practically purrs that she wants to be alone with us.

She turns towards me and hugs me tightly to her. I feel her small, cool hands reach up under the back of my shirt, and she is lightly stroking my back. Okay, now the wolf and I are both purring.

“I really do have to go, so I can stay on schedule. Cooking for 50 is no small feat. I’m so glad Mrs. Littlesea and Mrs. Fuller gave me all those tips on easy ways to prepare for so many.”

I smile at the sound of her voice against my chest. I barely pay attention to the actual words. She could probably read a grocery list right now, and I’d be okay with it.

I don’t even realize I’m doing it until I hear her words stop as my mouth is on hers. It feels like magnets are always in force when I’m near her. She’s surprised for just a moment, but then returns the kiss enthusiastically. Does she realize that she makes tiny, contented, sighing noises as we kiss? Does she realize what those noises do to me??

I am so in love with her.

Her lips leave my mouth and kiss my cheek, nip my jaw, lick my neck, nibble my earlobe and then return once more for a small, simple kiss.

“Wow,” she breaths.

 

“I know,” I say.

“I love you, Embry Call.”

Every time she says that, my whole body is filled with warmth. I hold her tighter. “I love you, too, Bella Swan.”

We both stand there for another minute.

“Okay, you should go. I’ll get the potatoes ready. Just hurry back to me, please.”

She kisses my chest and then steps away. It feels empty without her right in my arms.

“Ugh. Being responsible sucks!” she scowls and stomps towards the door. She pauses before walking outside, and looks at me with a smile and admiring eyes full of love.

“I’ll come back to you as quick as I can,” she says, and then rushes out the door. I grab on to the counter so I don’t run after her. Again. Grabbing counters to keep me from pursuing her is getting to be a thing for me.

She’s right. Being responsible does suck.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

 

**Bella**

As Quil and I drive over to Sam’s house to pick up the huge pans of cornbread and sausage stuffing as well as the pies, he casually leans against the door of the truck and turns to face me.  “Thanks for making my friend happy, Bells.”

 

I give him a look to see if he is trying to say something dirty. With Quil one never knows.

 

“I’m serious!” he says holding up his hands. “Embry has never been this way about any girl. Ever. But you walk into a room and he just lights up. Hell, he lights up when he gets email from you. Or if someone just mentions your name. Our boy has got it bad.” Quil chuckles. “So, thanks for making him happy.”

 

“He makes me happy, too,” I say. Because ‘you’re welcome’ doesn’t seem like quite the right response in this case.

 

“I feel like if anyone can not be an imprint and still be in the pack, it’s you, Bella. We all think so. You’ve always felt like one of ours. I think every wolf in the pack was sad he didn’t imprint on you.”

 

“Yeah. I’m sure Paul was devastated,” I deadpan.

 

“Okay, maybe not Paul. But he likes you now. It just takes him a while to warm up to outsiders.”

 

“And Leah would’ve been thrilled, too.”

 

“Are you kidding?? If Leah imprinted on you, we ALL would have been fighting each other to patrol with her just to see in her head!”

 

I wrinkle my nose at him. “You guys are pigs.”

 

“Wolves, baby. We’re all wolf,” he says letting his tongue loll out of the side of his mouth in a distressingly lupine way.

 

I smile, then get serious. “Quil, will you let me know if things get bad for Embry again? I don’t know what I can do to fix it, but I’d like to know.”

 

“Yeah, sure. We can come up with a code word!” Quil is bouncing and grinning. I can’t help but grin at him.

 

“What will the codeword be?”

 

“Um, Dingleberries?”

 

“Wait, did Leah give you that John Green book to read? That’s the code word from ‘An Abundance of Katherines’!”

 

“Yeah. She did. She told me she was sick of only seeing the plot lines of Dr. Seuss books in my head.” Quil shrugs his shoulders. “Claire loves those books, though.”

 

“What else is she into these days? I need to know what to get her for Christmas.  I’ve already got presents for the rest of the pack females, but not her.”

 

And Quil launches into talking about his favorite little girl until we pull up in front of the cabin.

 

“Okay, we already brought everything over from my Dad’s house this morning, so all that’s left to get from here are the pies, the pans of stuffing from the fridge, and the green beans from the freezer.”

 

Quil salutes me and says, “Ma’am, yes, ma’am.” But before we climb out of the truck, we both hear a howl.

 

“Wait here,” Quil orders, suddenly all business. He’s generally so goofy that when he gets serious, it’s extra worrying. 

 

“It’s Leah,” he says. “She’s in distress.”

 

“Are there cold ones around?” I ask with a knot of fear in my stomach.

 

“Not that I can smell.” 

 

All of a sudden I see her running towards us pulling a long t-shirt over her head to cover herself. She must have phased with her clothes on. But why?

 

“Stay in the car!” Quil shouts again, but I’m already climbing out because it’s Leah and something must have happened.

 

“Leah, what’s wrong?” I ask as she comes rushing up to me. Her chest is heaving and she looks like she might - cry? Rip my head off?- It’s hard to distinguish between the two with her. She’s so upset, she’s shaking.

 

“Did you know?” she stomps up to me causing me to go wide eyed as she invades my space, but Wolf 101 is to stand my ground and not run.

 

“Know what, Leah? I just got here,” I say in what is hopefully a soothing voice. Victor has joined us but is staying back from her, which actually makes me feel safer. If he sensed that I was in danger, he’d do something about it. I think.

 

“We can choose,” she says nearly sobbing. “We can choose a mate! We don’t have to sit around and just wait for something that might never happen!”

 

Wait a minute. What?

 

Just then Embry shows up slightly out of breath and jumps in between me and Leah who is upset and shaking and kind of a hot mess. Both of them are growling, and now so is Victor.

 

“Embry!” I pull him back. “It’s fine. I’m safe,” I soothe while I stroke the back of his neck. “Leah and I are just talking right now. Leah wouldn’t hurt me.”

 

And that seems to be the phrase that breaks her. She starts sobbing for real and falls to the ground. I rush to hold her at the same Victor does, too. He ends up putting his arms around both of us and softly saying, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

 

Within the next few minutes the whole pack is there in the front lawn with us in response to Leah’s lone howl. 

 

“What the hell is going on here?” Jake demands when he sees the three of us in a huddle on the ground with Embry and Quil standing close. Leah’s sobs quiet, but she can’t talk yet. She’s doing that hiccupy thing that sometimes happens after crying too hard.

 

“Leah?” Seth approaches his sister looking worried.

 

I draw him down into our little huddle, too.

 

================

**Embry**

 

I’m still a little pissed at Jake, but I’m with him on this one. What the hell _ is _ going on??

 

Bella is making shhing noises and stroking Leah’s hair while Victor is holding both girls basically in his lap in an effort to comfort them. My wolf is not loving the sight before us. First of all, I haven’t seen Leah this upset since her Dad died and she phased for the first time. But she went so quickly from upset to bitter and stoney, that we haven’t seen this kind of emotion from her in over a year.

 

Seth joins in the group hug and my wolf is suddenly about two seconds away from freaking out when Bella reaches one hand out behind her to grab my leg. It’s the only part of me she can reach right now. It looks like she needs some comfort, too. Or she realizes that I do. So, I sit down and pull her carefully away from the rest of them and cuddle her into MY lap.

 

“Victor, man, what happened?” I ask while Bella tucks her face into the crook of my neck as per usual. I can feel her shaking a little, so something has upset my girl, too. I hold her closer and feel relief as I sense her shaking lessen.

 

“Look. I thought you guys knew some things that you obviously didn’t. I’m so sorry that we didn’t discuss this back when we first made contact, but I didn’t realize. Let me call Alex and get him in on this, too.”

 

Victor murmurs into Leah’s hair that he  needs one of his hands to pull out his phone. She nods and Seth pulls her closer to him. Seeing Leah vulnerable like this is freaking us all out a little, I think, as I watch the rest of my pack brothers unable to stand still.

 

Alex’s face appears on the screen. “Victor, what’s up? I thought you all had Bella’s feast today.”

 

“Listen, man, we have a situation here.” With that Victor flashes the phone quickly around to show both Leah and Bella in their present state with the rest of the wolves barely keeping it together nearby.

 

“You wanna explain why our sisters are broken?” Paul growls.

 

“Broken?” Alex asks, sounding confused.

 

“They didn’t know about mating. They thought an imprint was the only way. That’s why all the drama with Bella and Embry this semester, bro.”  Victor explains quickly.

 

Alex swears and then says, “Little Sister, I’m so sorry we didn’t tell you. But you were always so private. We didn’t want to push you when you didn’t want to discuss it.”

 

Bella lifts her lips away from my neck where they’ve been pressed. “S’okay, Alex. But all I got from Leah is that mates can be chosen. Can you explain?”

 

She’s shaking again. And I am, too. We can choose a mate?? Bella could be mine forever?

 

“Sure, baby girl. So, the imprint is there to be what the wolf needs when what the wolf has it wrong. Otherwise, you date just like normal and wait for both wolf and man to agree on who the mate is. Even the pack can feel it. Once that happens, from what I understand, everything between them is just like it would be for an imprinted couple.”

 

Bella instantly unfurls herself from my lap and grabs the phone from Victor. “Alex, be very careful how you answer this. Because there are a few tender hearts on the line right now.  Are you absolutely sure?”

 

“Well, that’s the way it’s worked for our tribe as long as anyone can remember. We’ve been shifting continuously as far back as any of our stories go, though, so the mechanics of it seem like basic knowledge to us, you know? Bella, I’m sorry we didn’t tell you.”

 

She lets out a sob and then she’s laughing and crying all at once. I pull her back to me and she keeps mumbling, “I’m crying because I’m happy, Embry, I promise. But I’m also crying because I’m sad for all the pain that could have been avoided if your damn council kept better records.”

 

At that, all the wolves laugh. Ah, Bella. My beautiful Bella.

 

“Thanks, man. That’s the best news I’ve heard all day,” I say to Alex as I pass the phone from Bella to Alex. 

 

“Only all day?” Bella sniffles.

 

“Well, the best news ever was when you told me you loved me. And that was just a few days ago. So, yeah. This is the best news I’ve gotten today.”

 

============

**Bella**

 

I am so in love with him.

 

It’s Paul who starts the questions. “If that’s true, why did so many of us imprint?”

 

Leah has calmed down enough to be herself again. Herself in Victor’s lap, but herself nonetheless. “It makes sense, though. Emily is better for Sam, so the imprint was needed. I don’t think Sam would have left me otherwise. He’s just too loyal, and too afraid of being like his Dad to ever leave on his own.”

 

“Yeah, but what about me?” Paul asks. “I wasn’t dating anyone.”

 

“No, but you were  _ doing _ everyone,” Quil reminded him. “Rachel has helped turn you human, man..”

 

“I’m not complaining. I love Rach. But what about you, Quil?”

 

Quil looks over towards Alex and Victor. “Have any of your people ever imprinted on a kid before?”

 

“Sure,” Victor answers. “But  it’s not a mating thing. It’s a family thing. We had one guy who imprinted on his own niece and then a few weeks later his sister and her husband were killed in a car wreck, so he was ready to step in and take care of her. It’s usually something along those lines. A kid who needs a protector or confidant to help them through a tough time or set a better example for them, or just make them feel like part of a family.”

 

Alex adds, “Also, sometimes it seems to be to help the wolf focus on the job of protecting and defending if he has that younger imprint, but he’s not really in a place to be mated.”

 

Paul snorts, “Sounds like someone’s calling you immature, Quil!”

 

Quil looked stunned. “So, there’s a mate somewhere out there for me? I can date again?”

 

“Watch out, females of Forks!” Jake laughs.

 

I hug Embry again.

 

“So, what about me?” Jake asks, and everyone rolls their eyes at him. 

 

“Seriously, dude?” Jared asks. “You were so convinced that you were in love with Bella and nothing anyone -including her- said or did could convince you of anything else. You needed the imprint more than anyone.”

 

Jake looks at me over at me like he wants to argue, but I smile at him and he smiles back and remembers what good friends we are. “Then what about you. Why Kim?”

 

Jared shrugs. “I didn’t date anyone ever really. I was so focused all the time on school and getting into college, that I never really got involved with anyone. If I hadn’t imprinted, I think I would have hated being a wolf. It happened so close to phasing, so I think the Spirits knew I needed that extra support. I’m okay with how it turned out. Everything is easier because Kim is there to support me and share my burdens.”

 

I beam at them all and then jump out of Embry’s arms. “Guys, the food! The turkeys are still in the oven!”

 

======================

**Embry**

 

Just like that everyone is mobilized as Bella is barking out orders to get everything out of Sam’s house. With all of us wolves on the job, we have the truck loaded in minutes and head back to the school. I don’t know why it still surprises me how quickly she goes from quiet and shy Bella to bossy Bella, but it does. And I always look forward to whichever version of herself she lets me see.

 

Her truck is packed, so she drives back while the rest of us run. She has us all unloading things as soon as she gets the truck in park and then she’s out the door and back into the school yelling about basting the turkeys.

 

I’m smiling to myself. Victor puts a hand on my shoulder. “You okay?”

 

Actually, I’m super chill inside. My wolf and I together are like pre-phase me. Bella is mine. She loves me. She wants to be with me.

 

At least I think she does. I mean it seemed that way before. And this should just seal the deal, right? She wasn’t just saying all that because she thought there would be an out someday, right?

 

Victor sees the look of panic on my face. “C’mon. I’ll take over whatever she’s doing for a couple minutes so you two can talk.”

 

She’s at the oven basting the turkeys. “Collin, sweetie, start getting all the plastic and foil off of the sweet potatoes and the stuffing. Those pans are going into the oven as soon as we get the turkeys out. So, 15 more minutes.”

 

“Jake, those potatoes are done. Paul, can you guys use that giant colander in the sink and get the water drained out? Then I want you to put them back in the pot over very low heat and start mashing.. See that pile of butter, cream, and herbed cream cheese? That’s all going in once you have them mashed.”

 

“Leah, get the cranberry conserve into a bowl and find a ladle or spoon for it. Then open the canned cranberry mess and slice that up and put it on a tray”

 

“Brady, can you open up those frozen dinner rolls and start laying them out on the baking sheets, please?”

 

This didn’t seem like the best time to interrupt her. But just as I am about to slip away to leave her to her ordering, she turns to me and in the same voice she’s been using to boss everyone around says, “Embry, I need you to come with me.”

 

“Victor, make sure nothing catches on fire while I’m gone,” she yells over her shoulder.

 

And then she grabs my hand and marches me out into the cafeteria, where she whirls around to face me. “I have 800 things to do before everyone gets here, but I need this out first. Are you sure that both you and your wolf see me as your mate?”

 

I nod, dumbly. She’s not usually in bossy mode when we talk about love.

 

“And you’re 100% okay with that?” she asks, eyes narrowing.

 

I nod again.

 

“Good. Then I guess I’m all yours for good, Call,” she says and grabs onto my shirt to pull me down into a kiss. There is nothing tentative, or exploratory about this kiss. She’s kissing me like she owns me and she knows it. 

 

“All mine,” she whispers when she pulls away.

 

“All yours,” I whisper back smiling, and pull her into a giant hug. I begin to pepper her head and face and neck with kisses and say “I love you, I love you, I love you” all the while.

 

She’s giggling and finally captures my lips with hers and says, “If ever two were one, then surely we.” *

 

We simply gaze at one another for minute. 

 

“Now, put me down, Embry Call. I have to go finish a feast!”

 

I kiss her once more then let her slide down my body back to the floor. I didn’t know know it was possible to feel this happy. This content. 

 

Before I can get too far lost into a haze of love, Quil pokes his head into the caf and bats his eyes at me, “Oh, loverboy! Your woman demands your help in here. Hop to it! No fair that the rest of us have to be slaves and we don’t even get any sweet lovin’ out of it. OW!!” Quil yells as I see an onion bounce off the back of his head.

 

“Forget sweet loving, Quil. You won’t see any dinner if you don’t get back to work!” I hear Bella yell at him.

 

I chuckle at Quil’s scowl, before I sigh and smile and head in to help my mate.

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Story is FINALLY finished! Thanks for sticking by me! There are about 10 more chapters, but all are edited and ready to go. I'll post twice a week until we're done! :) Thank you for the kind messages and reviews. They mean a lot. - JSJ

Chapter 25

 

**Bella**

 

As Victor and I drive away from La Push Sunday morning, I feel the tears streaming down my face. I had packed a whole box of tissues into the car because I knew I’d be a mess.

 

Victor doesn’t try to comfort me because he’s not really happy to be going either.

 

The feast had been a success. Once all the families arrived at the school and sat down, I grabbed Charlie to stand in the front of the cafeteria with me. Both of us were blushing at being the center of attention, but we were the hosts, so it had to be done. 

 

“Charlie and I just wanted to thank all of you for welcoming us so readily over the years into your families and homes. One feast doesn’t even begin to repay the love, friendship, and kindness you’ve shown to the Swans over the years. But please enjoy this humble offering and know that all of this was purchased, planned, and prepared with our deepest gratitude. I’d especially like to thank all those who’ve been busy in the kitchen with me over the last few days, Mrs. Ateara for discounting the groceries, Mrs. Fuller and Mrs. Littlesea for their invaluable catering tips, and Billy Black for getting us permission to use this space. I’d like to especially thank my Dad who helped heavily subsidize the whole thing. And lastly, I’d like to thank Embry Call who gave me the idea in the first place. Planning this trip home and this feast was a beacon of light for this very homesick girl away at college for her first semester. We hope you enjoy the meal.”

 

Charlie spoke up then. “Grab your plates and head over to the kitchen, folks! All the food is lined up in there for you to take what you need. Drinks are over on the side table, there. And it’s not time for dessert yet!” Charlie had added. “Quil Ateara, I see you loitering with intent near that dessert table!”

 

The gathered crowd laughed as they moved into the kitchen. And then he pulled me into a hug. “I’m really proud of you, Bells. This all looks great, and I saw more than one person out there wiping tears away while you were talking. We’re all glad you came home this weekend. Although, maybe him the most?” Dad lifted his chin as if to direct my attention over my shoulder. When I turned around, it was to see Embry. I couldn’t stop the big smile that spread across my face.

 

“Chief,” Embry said, nodding his head and sticking out his hand to shake my Dad’s.

 

“Embry,” Dad said, puffing up just a little and going into his ‘big, scary cop-mode’.

 

“Just wanted to thank you for helping to make all of this possible, sir.”

 

“Happy to do it,” Charlie answered him gruffly. 

 

I beam at them both. “Let’s go eat! I want to sit in between my two favorite guys.”

 

======

 

Later when dessert was served, Tiffany found me and hugged me with tears in her eyes. “Thanks for making those pies, Bella. It was a taste of my childhood.” As she pulled me closer she whispered, “And thank you even more for bringing my son back to me for a few days. With you around he’s been himself again. I missed my boy so much. Thank you.”

That got me all teary, too. Life hadn’t been easy for the little Call family ever. I was glad she felt like I had helped. Granted the whole thing made me even more unhappy with the council of Elders. I couldn’t wait to talk to Sam to give him a piece of my mind AGAIN on the matter.

Everyone who had come to dinner helped clean up. Once it was all done, Charlie found me again. “Bells, I hear there’s going to be a party at my house tonight.”

 

“What?” I asked, confused. I hadn’t heard about a party.

 

“Yeah, Swan! Our movie night with everyone that we can’t do at Sam and Emily’s because they’re getting home tonight and won’t want to deal with this pack of wolves over at their place right away.” She looked at me with a ‘just smile and nod’ kind of look.

 

“Oh, right! Sorry, Dad. I’ve just been so busy today. I almost forgot it was even Saturday already!”

 

Charlie raised an eyebrow at me, so I hugged him. Mostly because I wanted to, but also to distract him. “Thank you for making all this possible, Daddy. It’s going to be so hard to leave again tomorrow.”

 

“I know, sweetie, but winter break is just a few weeks away. And then we get you for a whole month,” he squeezed me, “I mean, unless you were going to go visit your Mom.”

 

“Maybe. If I do, it won’t be for long. I only ever feel at home when I’m here,” I admitted.

 

He squeezed me even tighter. He didn’t have to say anything, but I knew the words I’d just said were some that he’d wanted to hear. When I’d first arrived back in Forks a couple of years ago to live with Charlie, I confess it was with a bit of a chip on my shoulder. But living with him, he showed me every single day how much he’d missed me for all the years I’d been gone. Charlie and I were meant to be in one another’s lives more than just a couple of weeks each summer and every other Christmas.

 

“You’ll come to Sue’s when you’re finished up here? I feel like I haven’t seen nearly enough of you this weekend.”

 

“Yeah, I’ll be there soon.”

 

Embry had been wiping down countertops while Seth swept and Collin and Brady were loading up any leftover ingredients into my truck. I’d asked them to take the leftover fruits and veggies to Billy’s, so he could distribute them to anyone in the tribe who might be able to use them.

 

“The cafeteria is all done, Bella!” Kim called as she and Jared walked into the kitchen. 

 

“Thank you so much for your help, guys!” I hugged them both.

 

“Anytime you want to feed me a feast, I think I can manage a little sweeping in exchange,” Jared teased. “We’ll see you down at your house later!”

 

I turned back to Leah, who was sweeping in the kitchen. “Okay. What’s going on, Leah?”

 

“Everyone is coming down to your house for a movie night. But then we’re all leaving and you’re staying.”

 

I looked at Embry. “Leah, I don’t want to stay there alone.”

 

She looked smug. “You won’t be there alone.”

 

“Huh?” I said. I am so super eloquent sometimes.

 

“I talked to Embry’s Mom earlier, and she has authorized him staying over after the big party we’re all having.”

 

“Did you tell her that people would be spending the night?” I asked. I didn’t want to betray the trust she’d shown us throughout the break.

 

“Kim is going to spend the night!” she said. “And Victor and I will be right outside.”

 

“Kim?” I was confused. 

 

“I don’t have super hearing, so I don’t mind. Jared is going to stay with me, too, but we’ll camp out downstairs, and if necessary he’ll wear earplugs.”

 

I blushed. Embry hugged me to him to help shield my embarrassment. I love how well he knows me.

 

“That’s really nice of you to get us some extra time together, Leah. Thank you for talking to my Mom and making it so we don’t have to lie to her about anything,” Embry said. Then looked at Jared, “Do  _ I  _  get earplugs, too, so I don’t have to listen to  _ you _ ?” Jared just grinned.

 

Leah shrugged, “You two deserve a break. And besides, Bella certainly made it so my back was scratched plenty this weekend,” she leered over at Victor who had just come in from taking out the trash. “Literally.”

 

Amidst a blush, I opened my mouth, but before I could say anything, “Yes, there are clean sheets on your bed!” Leah yelled.

 

And I blushed some more. I wasn’t sure how excited I was to have the entire pack involved in my love life. But then again, when you’re with a wolf that’s just how it goes, I suppose.

 

\-------------------------------------

I sigh and whimper at the same time.

 

“It sucks to drive away, doesn’t it?” Victor finally breaks the silence in the car. I stopped crying about 20 minutes ago and started checking my phone. 

 

_ I miss you already. -E _

 

_ I wish we didn’t have to get out of bed this morning. -B _

 

_ We did a good job making memories this weekend. :) -E _

 

_ I love you so much, Embry Call. -B _

 

_ Love u 2. -E _

 

I turn to look at Victor who looks miserable, too.

 

“It really does!. I keep feeling like I’m being pulled back in the opposite direction!” I bury my head in my hands and groan, “How am I going to get through the rest of the semester, V??”

 

“I keep reminding myself that it’s only 4 more weeks. And between cramming and finals, it’s gonna fly by. Doesn’t mean the night time won’t suck,” he lapsed back into silence with a little scowl on his face.

 

“So….what -um-  _ are  _ you and Leah?” I ask tentatively.

 

“Good. We are good together,” he replies with a determined look on his face.

 

“She won’t talk to you about it, will she?” I ask sympathetically.

 

“No. I think she would have, except the conversation at Sam’s was rough,” he grizzled.

 

“It was certainly awkward at times,” I add.

 

It’s not easy being friends with Sam and Emily AND Leah. Up until a few months ago, I was careful of Leah’s feelings, but not super invested as a friend, so it wasn’t as big a deal. Now, though, I need to be there for her, too.

 

“He was certainly happy to see you, Chum,” Victor notes. “How do you have ALL the wolves wrapped around your finger?”

 

I ignore that. “I told you. Sam found me in the woods after Edward, my undead boyfriend, left me. I tried following after him and got stupidly lost. It was cold and dark and I was heartbroken and dehydrated and realized just how very human I was. So when I tripped the last time, I just didn’t get back up. I couldn’t. Everything inside me was frozen. Sam found me and carried me back to my Dad.

 

Sam was the first bit of warmth I’d felt in so long. He and Emily kept checking up on me, and I think he even encouraged Billy Black to have Jacob be friendly with me. So Sam has always felt protective of me. I think he feels protective of Leah, too. For all that the whole thing was terrible for all of them, he did love her. He still does, but differently. It’s probably hard for him to see Leah with you,” I quickly held up my hand, “not that I’m excusing him. He needs to get over it. But Leah’s never brought anyone home before, either. You probably noticed the whole pack watching the two of you closely. It’s new to see Leah so happy.”

 

“So, she’s a lot different around me?” he fishes.

 

“I didn’t really know her pre-wolf. We met a few times as kids, and once right after Sam disappeared, but there’s always been this intensity to her. I adore Sam, but I think Leah burns a little too brightly for him. I don’t think he really ever understood what to do with all of her,” I held up my hand again, “Do NOT make that a sexual joke. Sam is practically my big brother, and I will vomit in your car if you make me think of that!”

 

“No vomiting!” he yells.

 

“I just mean that Leah is a fierce woman; powerful and intelligent and intense. Sam is gentle and a caretaker. He never would have been bored with her, but I don’t think he ever would have fully appreciated her, either. So, he would have been intrigued, but also exhausted.

 

You on the other hand are chill. Your word, not mine,” I add, smiling. “That’s different than gentle. You’re calm when you need to be, but it’s an intense and focused calm. You and Leah are like Air and Fire together. Both strong and separate, but able to make the other one even more intense and beautiful.”

 

Victor smiles. “Bella Swan. I officially name you Poet Laureate of my car.”

 

We both laugh and are able to leave the tissue box on the floor for a while longer.

==================

 

**Embry**

 

Sam finds me sitting on the cliffs. He doesn’t say anything, just sits down next to me.

 

Watching Bella drive away this morning just felt wrong. Everything inside of me was screaming that I should run after her, pull her out of the car, and take her home. Instead, I stood and watched as she hugged and kissed and said goodbye to everyone else. When she finally turned to me, she looked so fragile. I know Victor and Alex will keep her safe, but they don’t love her like I love her. Would they honestly protect her with their lives if necessary? I should be the one protecting her. She jumped up into my arms for one more hug and a hit off my scent, much to my wolf’s delight. We’d spent most of the night covering one another in our respective scents through kissing, holding, and touching. I was definitely going to have to do something nice for Leah to thank her for arranging that sleepover. 

 

“You’ll write to me every day?” she whispered with her lips still on my neck.

 

“And text,” I promised.

 

“You won’t fall in love with anyone else while I’m away?” she asked.

 

“Never. I choose you. Every time.”

 

I could feel her smile and I hugged her a little tighter in reassurance. She has nothing to worry about, so it’s weird to me that she still feels insecure. But it’s no hardship to me to remind her how important she is to me.

 

She sighed, then leaned back to kiss me one last time. “I love you, Embry Call.”

 

“I love you, too, Bella. So much,” I whispered pressing my forehead against hers.

 

Charlie cleared his throat, unsubtly, and we both smiled as Bella hopped down and gave her Dad one last hug, too. “Bye, Dad. I’ll be back in just a few weeks.”

 

And with that she climbed in the car and Victor took her away. I watched until she was out of sight and then ran to the woods to phase and follow along through the woods. Once they reached the highway, I circled back to La Push and came to the cliffs.

\------------------

 

“How are you doing?” Sam asks, finally breaking the silence.

 

“Better than I thought I would be, actually,” I answer. And I’m surprised to realize that it’s true.

 

“I’m sorry if I upset you or Bella last night with my questions about the mate situation. I’m flying blind here, and I just- I wasn’t expecting anything like that,” he admits.

 

“Yeah, I can see how it would be a lot of information to get all at once. Bella and Leah ended up in heaps on the ground crying when they found out,” I tell him, hoping that neither girl will find out I mentioned it. Leah would kill me.

 

Now it’s Sam who is quiet. “Are  _ you  _ okay?” I ask.

 

He remains thoughtful for a moment as he looks out over the water. “Yeah.” He breathes heavily. “I don’t want to spend my life thinking ‘what if’, but seriously, how can any of us not?”

 

“Leah was right, Sam. She wasn’t right for you. And you never would have left otherwise. She says it’s because you would never want to be your father. But Emily makes you whole. She may not challenge you like Leah did, but she loves you and shows you that a million times every day.”

 

Sam rolls his eyes. “I’m in love with Emily, Embry. You don’t need to try to sell me on her,” he pauses before continuing. “I guess I wonder if the wolf thing hadn’t happened, would Leah have eventually left  _ me _ ? Somehow it makes me feel better thinking that, because I can actually see it happening. It would be nice to not be thought of as the asshole who left his fiancee for her cousin, but it is what it is, I guess.” 

 

I look at Sam. I knew the whole thing had been difficult for him, but it was rare that he let any of us see his vulnerabilities like this. He tried so hard to not be like his Dad that having everyone on the rez, including Leah, accusing him of leaving her like that must have been hell. And then he still had to deal with a bunch of new wolves and the Elders at the same time all that was happening. I do not envy Sam’s life.

 

“So your wolf is okay now?” Sam asks. “Settled?”

 

“Well, I don’t think he’s realized fully that she’s going to be gone for weeks yet, but, yeah, we’re okay. Sam, you should have seen her! She finds out that we can choose mates, cries for everyone who has been hurt, runs back to fix a feast, and in the middle of it all pulls me out and tells me that if I want her still then she’s all mine for life,” I say in a rush.

 

Sam smiles. “You feel like she’s all in?”

 

“I really do,” I say, and feel the smile on my face. “And I apologize in advance for the upcoming weeks of nothing but her in my head while we’re phased.”

 

Sam snorts. “Yeah, ‘cause that’ll be so different for you.”

 

“Hey!” I protest, punching him in the arm.

 

We both chuckle and go quiet again while looking out across the water.

 

“I have a meeting with the Elders tonight to update them on everything Victor told us. You might eventually be called in to be asked more about this whole mating thing.”

 

I nod my head.

 

“They might ask some -uh- personal questions,” he hedges.

 

“Like how personal?” I ask.

 

“Like about sex,” he says, looking uncomfortable.

 

My laugh surprises him. “Well, that will be easy. We haven’t gotten that far.”

 

His face is blank for a minute. “Oh. Okay. Good. I mean, it’s good you’re not rushing into anything,” he says looking relieved.

 

“Damn, man. You really do think of her like a little sister,” I laugh. “The look on your face!”

 

Sam looks sheepish and rubs the back of his neck, “If it makes a difference, I kind of think of you as a little brother, too. But, yes, I do feel protective towards her.”

 

“Would you have punched me if we had gotten that far?” I ask.

 

He looks at me shrewdly. “No. Because I know how you feel about her. And from what I’ve heard from everyone else about this weekend, it sounds like she’s sure of her feelings, too,” he stops for a minute. “Doesn’t mean I’m giving permission or anything. You’re not ready until she’s ready, got it?” he warns.

 

“Got it. At least you didn’t threaten to kill me like the rest of the pack. Even Paul is jumping up to be on Bella’s side. I’m going to get a complex,” I joke.

 

“I’ll never forget the way she looked that night, Embry,” he says with such seriousness. “I will  _ bury _ anything that makes her look like that again. Paul and Jared were there with me. For all his bluster, Paul cares more about her well-being than any of us know.”

 

“It won’t be me, Sam. I won’t ever do that to her.”

 

He looks at me again. Studying me. “No. I don’t think it will. C’mon. Emily has food made.”

 

“Thanks, Sam,” I say, feeling more grateful than a simple thank you could possibly convey.

 

He claps his hand on my shoulder. “Any time, Embry. I’m here anytime you need to talk.”

 

“That brother thing goes both ways, you know,” I say, briefly meeting his eyes.

 

He nods slowly, with a solemn look in his eyes.

 

And we head towards  _ his _ home, hearth, and heart.

 

Mine is driving away from me right now.

 

===============

 

**Bella**

 

“Do you think your council will let the pack start going to school or work off rez?” Victor asks, interrupting my memories of being with Embry in my bed. How am I going to sleep without him?

 

“I don’t know. I hope they’ll take everything we told Sam into consideration. Any chance your people can talk to my people?” I waggle my eyebrows at him and he laughs.

 

“I’ll ask Alex,” he shrugs.

 

“I hope Alex likes his leftovers. I had to hide those from Quil- three different times!”

 

“Three?”

 

“Well, first, I just had them and Sam and Emily’s. Then I took them with me to Sue’s when I went to visit Charlie last night. Then back to Sam’s and then finally down to Forks. Even there, I had to keep slapping his hands out of the fridge!”

 

“I’m sure Alex will appreciate all your efforts,” Victor smiles. “That really was a special thing you did, Chum. Hosting a feast like that to thank everyone? That was a pretty great thing to do.”

 

I blush, but say, “Even if it forced you into spending your weekend cooking?”

 

“There were other benefits to being there this weekend.”

 

I raise my eyebrow with a smirk.

 

“Not just that, Chum. Get your mind out of the gutter. I mean, it was great to see you with your people.”

 

“Technically speaking, they’re not my people,” I say. “I’m the interloper. The token white girl. The mere mortal who isn’t even deemed worthy by the Gods to be an imprint.”

 

“Don’t start that again,” he chastises mirthlessly, “You know better now. No Gods needed to intervene for you and Embry. You’d already mostly figured it out. And trust me, Bella, they are your people. Not by blood. But by spirit and love. You all belong together. It was beautiful to see.”

 

My heart warms at his words. “Dammit, V! Now I’m going to cry! I’d been doing so well,” I grouch, grabbing the tissue box from the floor.

 

“It feels like we’re driving the wrong direction,” he mutters softly again.

\-----------

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

 

Chapter 26

 

**Bella**

Alex meets us at the car when we finally arrive back on campus hours later.

 

“Bella!” he calls, and swings me into a hug as soon as I step out of the car.

 

“Hey, Alex! I wish you’d been able to come with us. I missed you!”

 

“I missed you, too, Little Sister,” Alex says, putting me down carefully. “Now, what’s this I hear about leftovers?”

 

He begins sniffing the air in the car.

 

“Down, boy!” I giggle and swat at him.

 

“The cooler’s in the back, dawg,” Victor tells Alex.

 

“Let’s take it up to your room, Bella. We don’t have a microwave in ours,” Alex says, grabbing the cooler full of food in one hand and my backpack in the other. “C’mon, you guys! I haven’t eaten any of this yet! And you’ve been talking about it for days!”

 

“I’m going to go drop my stuff off in the room first. I’ll meet you over there,” Victor calls after locking his car.

 

“How much do you want to bet that ‘putting stuff in his room’ means ‘calling Leah’?” Alex jokes.

 

As I’m already counting down minutes until I can call Embry, I’m not really in any sort of position to tease him. So I tease Alex instead, “You know you’d still have a microwave if you hadn’t tried to microwave a can of soup that was still in the can, right?”

 

“Hush, you. I was distracted with studying and not sleeping and all I was thinking about was the need to eat. I didn’t even realize what happened until Victor started yelling.”

 

I notice Alex stiffen as we get closer to the door of my dorm building. His eyes are darting all around and nostrils flaring.

 

“Alex?” I whisper.

 

“Call Victor right now,” he says low, but with an intensity that I recognize. 

 

I grab my phone out of my pocket and immediately call Victor. I can tell he’s rejecting my calls by how quickly it goes to voicemail. “Dammit, V,” I growl.

 

“He’s not answering, but I have an idea,” I say so quietly that I know only Alex will hear. He’s  moved us into a patch of sunshine on the green area and is clearly concentrating with all of his abilities. 

 

“Bella?” answers a confused sounding Seth. “Did you get back to school okay? We miss you already! If it weren’t too wimpy for words, I’d make a paper chain to mark the days until you get back,” he says with a sigh. My heart swells a little at that.

 

“Oh, puppy. I love and miss you, too, you sweet thing. I really want to talk more to you, but right this minute I need you to get Leah. I think she’s on the phone with Victor, but Alex and I really need to talk to him.”

 

Seth seems to snap to attention. He’s suddenly out of sweet boy mode and into wolf mode, “What’s going on, Bells? Is everything okay? Are you safe?”

 

“I don’t know. Alex scented something, and he wants Victor as backup. But V keeps rejecting my calls. We’re standing outside in sunshine, and Alex is amazing and alert right now. So, I’m sure I’m safe. But my guess is that he’s not willing to go check anything out with me along, nor is he willing to leave me unattended.” I notice Alex’s mouth twitch into a tight smile and he nods at me so slightly that I would have missed it if I hadn’t been looking right at him.

 

“LEAH!!” I hear Seth bellow through the house. Ouch. That hurts my human ears. I can only imagine what it’s doing to hers.

 

I hear some scuffling, yelling, and possibly punching on the other end of the line, but then Leah’s voice comes on. “Swan?”

 

“Leah! Are you talking to Victor? We need him here!”

 

“Seth already explained, he’s on his way over. Any other details other than a scent?”

 

I glance at Alex again. He’s still on full alert. “No, not yet. I promise we’ll call as soon as we know something. Any chance I could convince you to keep this to yourself until we know more?” I ask hopefully. 

 

Leah sighs. “I’m only doing this because I know Embry would just take off running down to you without a moment’s thought. You have one hour, but you better check in at least every 20 minutes, Swan. I’m not kidding.” 

 

“Like I’m not still terrified of you?” I scoff.

 

“You better be, girlfriend,” she growls.

 

“Aw, Leah? Are you just angling for another hug?” I tease.

 

Her string of curses is cut off by Victor’s arrival. 

 

I’m not even sure that the two men spoke, but with a nod at one another, Victor throws a casual arm around me. Alex leaves and strides purposefully towards my dorm, leaving us standing outside in the sunshine with the bags and cooler.

 

“Leah, he’s here.Thanks for letting him know. I’ll call you soon with an update.”

 

“You better, Swan. And tell Victor I’ll talk to him later, too.”

 

He smiles at her words. “He heard. Bye, Leah. Please thank Seth for me, too.”

 

“Will do, Bella. Bye.”

 

Almost as soon as I hang up, my phone is ringing again. 

 

“Alex?” I answer.

 

“Bella, I need you and Victor to come on up. The trail is old, but I need Victor to check around, too.”

 

“On our way,” I say, ending the call as Victor picks up the bags.

 

“Here, give me the bag,” I say. “You’ll feel better if you have your hands free.”

 

He smiles tightly without looking at me and hands me my backpack. “Stay close and if I give you any command, you follow it.” 

 

It feels weird to get bossed by Victor. It’s not really his style, but it lets me know that he’s not fooling around right now.

 

“I promise,” I whisper.

 

We take the stairs. Victor is silent and graceful, I’m huffing and puffing so loudly that I might as well just stick a neon arrow over my head.

 

When we finally reach my door, Alex opens it. “Bella, please don’t touch anything. Victor, I need you to confirm the scent.”

 

I watch Victor walk around the room and a cold feeling enters my stomach. 

 

“Was there a vampire here? In my room??” I squeak in my nervousness.

 

One of the main differences between the La Push wolves and my college wolves where I’m involved is touch. If I’d been shaking like this at home, I’d already be in someone’s arms. Probably surrounded by more. The AV Club doesn’t do that. Not immediately and naturally like they can feel my need for comfort. But when Alex hears the tremor in my voice and sees me shaking, he pulls me into a big, brotherly hug. 

 

“It’s okay, sister. It’s old, don’t you think, V?” Alex asks.

 

“Probably the day we left, or right after is my guess. They stood at your bookshelf, your desk, and briefly at your closet. They touched a couple things in your closet, but I think the wolf smell probably helped get them out of here. They definitely rifled through the papers on your desk and touched the books, though…”

 

“Bella, is anything missing?” Alex asks.

 

I pull away and look around. I tend to be fastidious in where things go, but with my roommate I’m never sure. She always asks before borrowing something, or leaves me a note if she needs to take it quickly. And since she always takes such good care of everything, I never mind.

 

The books all seem to be there. The papers may have been gone through, but they’re still neatly piled, and I don’t honestly remember what was there anymore. It isn’t until I look up at my bulletin board that I notice one of my pictures missing. “They took my picture of me with the pack!”

 

“Any chance this was done by one of the ones you knew? That seems really personal for random blood lust.”

 

I look at Alex. I’m shaking harder. The Cullens wouldn’t be here. And even if they were, why would they care about me? They left years ago. They cut off all communication. Why would they track me down now? And here? Then again, what if this is more sinister? What if this is James and Victoria all over again? A picture of me and the pack? Who would need that? Is someone tracking me again? 

 

“Bella!” Victor barks at me and interrupts my internal freak out.

 

“Sorry,” I manage to whisper, my throat suddenly dry with fear.

 

“Bella, I’d like you to come stay in our room for awhile,” I hear Alex say. My mind is swirling with memories of broken mirrors and broken bones in a ballet studio. And the pain. So much pain.

 

“Bella?” He whispers, standing close and pulling me into another warm hug. It’s the warmth that undoes me. I burst into tears. Damn, I’ve done a lot of crying this weekend.

 

“Do you want me to call Leah?” Victor reminds me.

 

“Oh, crap!” I yell, and jump out of Alex’s hug to grab my phone. It’s just past 20 minutes, but hopefully she hasn’t done anything crazy yet.

 

After I explain to her what the guys found and what’s missing, she says quietly, “Bella, I really think you need to let Sam know. Sam, Paul, and Jared were the only wolves when Cullens were still here. They would know their scent.”

 

“Jake knows Edward’s, too, from coming to my room and finding all the stuff Edward left hidden in my floor.”

 

“Do you want me to talk to Sam, or do you want to call him?” Leah asks. 

 

“I need to talk to Embry first. I don’t want him finding out some other way. Then I’ll call Sam.”

 

“Okay. Keep me posted,” she insists.

 

“You know if I don’t, that Victor will,” I tease.

 

“I want this straight from you, Swan. Victor and I enjoy discussing other things when we’re talking” she says in a mock sultry voice.

 

“Ack! I totally helped you two get it on this weekend. Doesn’t that earn me a ‘don’t have to have those images in my head’ card? You are both like siblings to me!” I whine.

 

“Whatever, Swan,” she huffs, but I can hear a smile in her voice.

I hang up and turn to the guys. “Alex, will it mess up the scents in here if you heat up your food?”

 

He looks surprised that I would even think to ask. Doesn’t he realize this isn’t my first rodeo? “A little,” he admits.

 

“There’s a microwave in the community room by the elevators. Why don’t you two go down there and I’ll call Embry?”

 

“We’re not leaving you alone, Bella,” Victor says, sounding apologetic.

 

“Right. Okay, Victor, will you feel better outside the door in the hall, while I call Embry and Alex eats?”

 

Alex and Victor look at one another. “Deal.”

 

Victor heads out, but Alex trails behind a bit. “You okay?”

 

I nod my head. He doesn’t look like he believes me, but heads out anyway with the cooler in his hand.

======================

**Embry**

 

“Bella,” I sigh her name as I answer my phone. I’m laying on my bed. I was dozing in and out of a nap when the phone rang.

 

“Embry,” she sighs right back, but with a little tremor to her voice.

 

“Is everything okay?” I’m instantly alert. 

 

“Um, yeah,” comes her watery response.

 

“Bella, what are you not telling me?” 

 

And the story comes spilling out. I feel myself vibrating as my wolf also snarls to attention. I take a few deep breaths as I walk through the house.

 

“Bella, hang on one minute, babe,” I say. My Mom looks at me from the living room with that knowing parent smile. “Mom, I’m going to go for a walk while Bella and I talk.”

 

She nods at me, pleased that I’ve let her know where I’m going.

 

“Tell her I say ‘hello’,” Mom says. I give her the thumbs up sign and a smile before heading out the door for the tree line.

 

“Okay, Bella, I’m back. I just needed to be outside in case…” I let the thought linger there.

 

“Did you just call me ‘BABE’??” She asks in an indignant voice.

 

“Seriously?” I chuckle. “You tell me a vampire is sniffing around you again and it’s got you worried enough that you’re crying. Then you tell me you expect me to stay here and go to school like a good boy even though you, my mate, is in probable danger. But you think you get to be mad at me for calling you ‘babe’??”

 

I can hear her smile as she chuckles, too. “Well, when you say it like that, I suppose I’ll let you get away with it this time.”

 

We’re both quiet for a moment.

 

“Embry, I love you,” she whispers. “I do want you to stay home and get all your school work done, but I  _ really _ wish you were here.”

 

“Me, too, Bella. Me, too.” I say, leaning back against a tall tree in the forest. “So, what’s the plan?”

 

“I’ll call Sam and talk to him. And then unpack my bag from this weekend, so I can pack another bag to go hang out in Alex and Victor’s room until we find out what’s going on,” she answers, sounding a little annoyed but resigned.

 

“I’m glad you’re being cautious, Bella. I know you don’t like to feel helpless, but I trust those guys to keep you safe. And…,” I pause because I know what I want to say, but I always end up sounding like a little girl when I’m with her.

 

“Embry? What is it?”

 

“Pleasestaysafeforme, Bella,” I say quickly in one breath.

 

“Well,” I can hear the teasing pleasure in her voice, “I was going to proceed with reckless abandon, but since you asked so nicely, Embry Call…,” she giggles. “I’ll be careful. I promise.” I can hear the truth of her words. She not just saying them to placate me.

 

“Isabella Marie Swan, I love you.”

 

I can hear her sharp intake of breath.

 

Confused, I ask, “What’s wrong?” I start pacing. Is she okay?? Did she find something? Did someone come in the room?

 

“Nothing!,” she gasps, the takes an audible breath. “Nothing’s wrong, Embry, just- just the way you said my name like that. It sounded like…” she trails off sounding embarrassed.

 

“Like what?” I ask gently.

 

“Like a vow,” she whispers and I feel a rush through my whole body. Like a wedding vow, she means. 

 

My name is Embry Call. I am 17 years old. I am a proud Native, a shape-shifter, a protector, and a bastard in the literal sense. I share my body with a wolf spirit warrior. I am only a teenager, but I know that one day I  _ will  _ use her full name like that as part of a wedding ceremony. 

 

“It always will be for you, Bella,” I say with a confidence that I didn’t know I had.

========


End file.
